days like pearls.

(not my image)

"And kid, you've got to love yourself. You've got to wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You've got to sit next to the man at the train station who's reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You've got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you've got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You've got to stop taking everything so personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You've got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid july. You've got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won't matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You've go to stop worrying about what you're going to tell her when she finds out. You've got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You've got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Love yourself, kiddo. You've got to love yourself."

Oh. My. Goodness. Seriously. I wish I'd written this. I wish I had thought of this in the early light of morning or the deepness of the night. Things like this, words like these, hearts and souls and the humans who possess them, they touch that inner most well within my own soul.

Words like these inspire me to be…more. To take a long hard look at life and remember that those ordinary moments that we let slip by, those are the ones that hold the most depth. Those days that slip off the string of life like pearls falling gently from their strand, bouncing and rolling away here and there, forgotten under the dresser or rug or bed where we left them, these are the ones that one day, bending down low, we suddenly find and remember like a treasure.

Days like pearls. Beautiful and still, quiet and exquisite, playing out to the song we are choosing to dance. Days filled to overflowing with people, lives intersecting with our own, strung together with meaning and purpose. Perhaps the meaning came in sitting in that one coffee shop, catching your eye, a smile gently playing across your mouth…connecting the string of your life with mine. I don't know your name and you don't know mine, but there it is, just like that. You are, for a moment, silently dancing with my life and I with yours. The song slows as you look up again and now the dance glides to the smile I send back your way.

Days like pearls slipping off their strand. Laughter bubbles from her little body. She looks over at me, gently waving her pudgy little hand, brown curls bouncing up and down with every movement. Blue eyes light up her entire body as she looks at me, waiting for me to take her wave and send it back. I pick up this moment, take in her innocent face trusting that I can do nothing but respond to her and dance out this span of time we are connected in. The song plays sweet and clear as we each dance with the other, squinting eyes and smiling big, beauty spilling from the innocent to the adult she has captured. My heart overflows. And her mama gently takes her hand as she bounces away to dance with others.

The string is strung. Our days are connected. The song is playing, unique to each of our lives. How will our strand connect with those He has placed before us today? Even for the briefest of moments…how will we choose to dance with those around us?

For we are not the moon kissing the black sky. We are human. We are ordinary. We are beautiful. There is a depth we carry, a well deep within us. So, tell him that his eyes remind you of green swimming pools in the middle of July. Tell her the freckles sprinkled across her nose are enchanting. Step outside tonight, take a deep breath, and look up at the stars. They are kissing the black sky. You are not. You are dancing out these moments under their light to the song you have been given. So take your strand of pearls and hold them close. Look at the ordinary, invaluable days you've been given and love them. And above all else, connect your strand with the stranger in the coffee shop, with the baby girl that smiles your way, with the older gentleman sitting on the park bench, or the woman behind the counter in your favorite cafe. These people, these moments, they are always worth it. 

of a 10 year plan, irony, and the bottom line.

(nope, not my picture…someone send me a nice camera and I'll start taking my own;) )

I got to talk to one of my best girls last night about life, writing, business, and just stuff in general. This girl seriously brings me back down to earth and I'm SO incredibly thankful for her no bs outlook on this thing we call life. I can get so caught up in the everyday moments (which is definitely not a bad thing) that I appreciate people who can help me take a step back and suck in a deep breath. She does that.

She asked me an important question, however. One that got me to thinking about you. Yeah, you reading my blog right now. She asked me where I saw all of this going, what I was aiming for in 10 years with my blog and writing. Ha! Ironic seeing how I just confessed to not having a 10 year plan yesterday, right? So, I took a second to think about how I haven't actually made a 10 year plan (again) and then it dawned on me: I know exactly what I want to happen with my writing. I know exactly where I want it to go. Whoa. That was kind of a shocking realization! Thing was, I didn't really even have to think…I just knew.

Here it is: I want to relate to you. I want you to escape to my posts each week and feel like you and I are sitting across from each other grabbing coffee. I want to talk to you. To truly see you. Honestly, when I think about that, I'm so passionate about it that it makes me want to cry. Because, even if I don't literally have you in front of me, you can find in my writing something that absolutely speaks into your life. Whether it's about being single, being in a relationship that sucks (yep, been there too), family stuff, or those amazing moments that light up your day or my day, that's what I want you to hear. Maybe it's about how incredible this God I love so much is, or how I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through the next week. Whatever your season, whatever your current life situation, that's what I long for. To reach across this space between us and somehow put my arms around you with what I'm saying. To put my hands on your shoulders, look into your eyes, and let you know that you. are. not. alone. That you are validated. I have craved that and not received it in my own life, so I know what that longing looks like. I have been invisible and so this too I understand first hand. And then, I have been truly seen by others in my life and that moment is truly incredible! When someone can speak into your life and go, hey, I get this, you aren't alone because I get this. You aren't alone because let me tell you about this God that loves you so much. You aren't alone because no matter who you are, we are all in this thing called life together. So, you are not alone.

That's my 10 year plan. That's my 10 year plan if I never make a single dime off of writing ever. The bottom line is, you are my audience because you chose to be here and because you chose me. The bottom line is, you are my priority. You are allowing me to come into your life, to give me a chance to talk to you, and that means more than absolutely anything else in my writing. Nope, I'm not always gonna say things you wanna hear. I pray I don't always. I pray you can escape here, but that you are stretched and moved by the One who has given me the words to write. Because, if we were sitting in a coffee shop across from each other, the bottom line is, I'd always be honest with you. So, I want to do the same here. For you to know that I'm never going to write something that I don't absolutely believe.

Oh, and by the way, this is. not. a. highlight. reel. Seriously. I am not interested in you thinking that somehow my life is magically easier than yours because I've found the formula to make it so. No matter who we are, life in general is amazing and wonderful and beautiful and terrible and hard and worth every single moment we are given. Bottom line.

So, let's be real. Let's be transparent. Let's be exactly who we were created to be. You are a royal child of the King of Kings! Let's start living that way. And thank you. Thank you for choosing to read the words of a woman who is desperate for her God, who is desperate for His kids to know how beautiful they are to Him, and who cares about you. Because you are worth being loved and seen and known.

"But you are a CHOSEN RACE, a ROYAL PRIESTHOOD, a HOLY NATION, a PEOPLE FOR God's OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; for you once were not a people, but now you are THE PEOPLE OF GOD; you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy."  -1 Peter 2:9,10

scars, flaws, and people.

Amazing how the words would simply spill out after all this time. Where there was once a dam, now the water runs clear and cool and sweet. As if the letters, the very words were dancing, and where there was pain now there is joy. Freedom. Light. The days are quickly slipping by, but once again they are beginning to fill with the Call that was heard and answered long ago. This time, however, it is answered with scars carried proudly. Scars that are gladly born, scars that proved to teach and strengthen, scars that once I would have cast off, but now I am more thankful for far more than anything else in my life. I am a product of grace. What I carry is a product of His grace as well. And I am thankful for a love that is not easy, a love that looks at me and loves me enough to allow pain and heartbreak in order to strip away what needs to be gone, only to give back in an even greater measure all that is for my good! This is grace. I am a product of it and I am filled with more joy than I will ever be able to express because of this.

Cast off is the need to seem perfect, without flaws. It's the craziest thing when we try to act like we've got it all together. That's not life. Life isn't perfect. Jesus is perfect. Life definitely is not perfect. At all. And I'm learning to embrace the craziness that life is, the wonderful, beautiful, imperfect way that life is. It's made all the more beautiful for being full to overflowing with flaws! Flaws keep it all interesting, they keep people interesting.

And if you meet someone who would have you think they don't have any, well, it's kinda creepy. You know the person I'm talking about. The one whom you question to be human, whose tone is always perfect, never getting upset about anything, never showing frustration at all…ever…the one who is absolutely 100% unrelatable and unattainable. It makes us uncomfortable because, at the end of the day, we KNOW we've ALL got some major flaws going on. Then, you meet that person who is transparent, who doesn't act like they've got it all together, who admits to struggling with whatever and then have the most amazing advice on how to get beyond the struggles, beyond the frustrations that this life holds and it's like you've had a breath of fresh air in your lungs! Here is someone whom you can look at and relate to! This is the kind of person that does not stop at telling you about how, yeah, they're not perfect, but constantly reminds you that Jesus is and they are His child, and so through Him have the victory. They don't accept that you have flaws and you can just stay right there and not do anything about them. No! They tell you to get your butt up and RUN to the Living God as fast as your feet will carry you because nothing else will ever make a difference or satisfy your longings.

These people are rare and far between I'm finding. So, if I happen to come across them, I hold on for dear life because they are the ones that I treasure to tell me when I'm not doing what I should and who praise me when I am. They are the ones who validate the way I'm feeling and then firmly let me know that feelings are not to be relied upon or used as an excuse to dictate my feelings. They are the ones who hug me tight and then turn me around and shove me in the direction I need to be going. They are valuable because they know that the struggle is real, but He is greater still. Far greater than anything I would complain about, far greater than any flaw or struggle. They are valuable because, at the end of our talk or time together, I want even more of Jesus and always leave with my eyes on Him.

Yes, we all carry scars and we are flawed. But, the greater reality is that beyond all of this, we are children of the King of Kings. He bought us with a price and we are His. So, let's start living like this is who we are! We are royal and worthy of Jesus, because He has made us new. 

Carry your scars proudly, but at the end of the day, be the one who is transparent. Do not let the scars and flaws dictate who you are, but don't deny that they are there. Be transparent in a way that shows exactly who you are in Him.

"And praise the name of the Lord your God, Who has dealt wondrously with you; Then My people will never be put to shame." -Joel 2:26

of ordinary moments, being 28 years old, and what i've learned.

(this is not my photo and I take no credit for it.)

It's waking up to a cloudy morning, gently allowing drops to fall from a deep gray sky. It's having perfect quiet, gentle music floating through the air and hot coffee slowly being sipped. It's listening to birds sing their rainy song through windows. It's all of this. Breathe in. Breathe out. Life is busy, but it is this, moments like these, where it slows as if someone has hit the pause button. So pause. This is beautiful. Ordinary and easily missed, but these moments, they are what make up the everyday fabric of our lives.

I am 28 years old. Yeah. 28. Not really sure how that happened so fast. It's been an interesting journey to be in my late 20s. In a world that has shifted to marriage and babies (gosh I love those babies my friends have brought me) and buying homes and minivans, I am 28, single, and certainly have no babies of my own. In a world of grown-up jobs and ten year plans, of master degrees and 401Ks, I have not accomplished any of this. In fact, for the last couple years the consistent thought that has gone through my head is, "What are you DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?" Seriously. I have questioned every single part of how I'm doing this thing called life, picking it up and examining it with a magnifying glass on a regular basis. I have felt panic sweep through me at the thought that others probably look at me and first off feel pity and then wonder what the heck I'm doing with my life as well. That has happened a lot. I have worried and brainstormed how to do "it" better. How to become successful in a grown-up world that has no tolerance for day dreaming.

Then, it occurred to me. I am 28 years old. Yeah. And on top of that I'm single. Oh, AND I come from the South…y'all, this simply is NOT how things are done here;) I am defying everything that I "should" be doing at the current moment. And you know what? At 28 years old, I have had a shocking realization: the people whose opinions I was concerned about were people whose lives I'd never want to begin with.

That's some serious irony right there.

I also realized a few other things. I might be single, but can I lay something to rest for those of you who are wondering? I. AM. HAPPY. Shocking, I know. I mean, how can someone this age be truly happy without being in a relationship, right? Wrong. I would like to be the voice for a moment for all those women out there who are 26-40 and still single: Being in a relationship is NOT what drives our every waking moment. In fact I'd venture to say (and yes there is always the exception to the rule) that you reminding us frequently of how we "might" be happy, but "you've got this one
cousin/brother/friend/friend of a friend's godson's cousin who's twice removed/ random person" who we'd just love is not, in fact, helpful at all. Here's a mind blowing thought. God is still God. God is God just as much in your late twenties to thirties as He was in your late teens to early twenties. God is God. He's still holding us and He's still writing our stories! It makes me literally want to scream and pull my hair out every time someone says to me, 'Oh honey, well, He's got someone out there for you…somewhere."

I'm sorry to burst your bubble here, but You do not know this.

Here's the thing. Whether the Lord has someone out there for me or not, that is not the point. I can promise you that by 28, those of us who are still single have realized that 1) no man is worth settling for and 2) we honestly don't have the time to think about it, let alone freak out about it! But, you reminding me (I'll just speak for myself in this) frequently that this unknown super man just might be out there for me, well, for a split second all those doubts and worries, not just about being single, but also about how I've done life in general, come flooding back in and now I'm fighting to push it all away yet again.

I know you are actually doing it because you think it's helpful and more than likely because you love me…or whomever you're aiming that comment at in your life. Do you know how much I appreciate knowing that you love me so much? Seriously! More than likely you're happily married and just want me to be as happy as you are. Please hear my voice in this: thank you for wanting that. There's nothing I love more than seeing two people doing marriage together in the right way! It's honestly one of my favorite things…well, next to snuggling babies. So, this is not me bashing you for wanting me to be happy. That would just be…rude;) However, I'm learning that marriage does not equal happiness. If I'm depending on being happy after I'm married, well, that's a big flashing neon sign to any man who is thinking about pursuing any woman! If I'm not content and happy in my singleness, I sure as heck am not gonna be happy after I get married! It just simply doesn't work that way. Speaking out of no experience (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong) but, I'm pretty sure that marriage only magnifies whatever you were carrying around before you got married…baggage, unhappiness, etc. So, you know what? I'm single at 28 years old and here's the thing: I get more time to practice how to love people the right way.

Not just romantically, I'm talking about realizing that the world does NOT revolve around me, that others are actually far more important than me, that I do not have the right to treat those in my life less than myself. At 28 years old, I have learned that life is hard and beautiful and terrible and wonderful and I get the honor of being single in order to be completely others focused.

At 28 years old, the Lord has seen fit to allow me no distractions. Nothing that will divide my time. I have the chance to be 100% focused on what He's placed before me. I have the incredible honor of truly focusing on cultivating an intimate relationship with my King….whoa. Oh, and by the way, that's pretty dang hard to do in this life. So if you're single and thinking it must be somehow easier for me…nope. Lies. It's HARD. But guess what? It's the ONLY thing that's worth putting all your energy and time into. And guess what happens when you start making Him the priority? Yeah, you realize that being successful and doing life according to how the world has tried to scream at you it should be done, well, that's a complete waste of our lives. 

At 28 years old, I do not have a masters degree, a 401K, a marriage, a house, a baby, or a minivan.  And at 28 years old, I have come to understand that for me, this is not what life holds at this moment. I have come to understand that having mornings doused in rain, hot coffee to sip, words to pen, days of solitude, this is what I've been given for now. I've come to understand that I will probably never be the woman with designer clothes and a bank account that's full. I've come to understand that I may be called to simply love people the right way for the rest of my days, to write and encourage, to lift up those who have the honor of having marriages and kiddos and busy days, to pray for them when their time is nonexistent running here and there and having wonderful lives that are full to overflowing. Because, having all those things that I don't have in my life, for so many people that's exactly what the Lord has called them to.

This is not about being single or being married. It's not about what we have and don't have. It's not about making someone feel less than they are because they are in a different season. It's simply about people. No matter what season we happen to be in.

It's about me looking at you and seeing you. That's what I've come to understand at 28 years old.

We get one shot at this thing called life. We will not walk this way again. Let's do it the right way.

at the beginning again.

I sat in a coffee shop much like now and penned words. I remember how content I was and how beautiful the evening came. I was voicing questions that swirled about, artistically painting a picture as cars drove by outside. As a stop light shifted from green to yellow, to red. I wrote, unaware of what the words would do. Of how they would change everything.

That moment, when everything was stripped away. I remember it as clear, as real as if I were sitting there now. I can remember the color of the walls, the leaves on the plant in the corner, the way the chair felt under me, the way everything inside of me shut down. I can feel the way adrenaline pumped through my entire body within seconds. I can feel riding that wave for moments, days, weeks, months…a year. Words came that I didn't understand, some I still can't comprehend and in the blink of an eye, the glass shattered and life would never be the same. I remember wondering why. Why had this happened? Was it me? Was is everything inside of me? Was it everything outside of me? Was it anything I could have slowed down, stopped, changed? Pain blinded every breath I drew in. I can feel the bed under me, not moving, not sleeping, just being still, for hours. No thoughts. Just my body breathing in and out without my help.

Then the physical act of leaving. Running. Wanting it all to stop. Wishing it had never happened. Wanting to put distance between myself and the life I had lived. The life that ended so abruptly. Leaving. It would have been easier if I had loved less. Cared less. But, it would seem that it is physically impossible for me to love people in pieces. Taking all that they are requires you love them with all you have. So, if they change, if you change, the hurt is blinding. If it ends, the pain is beyond description.

Then, the gaping wound that was created had to be healed. Which was by far the hardest part. His voice came over and over and over, "I will remove all that distracts you from Me. I will strip you until I am all you see. For I love you more than life. I love you beyond all the pain you feel in this moment. I love you so much, I will allow you to be broken and shattered that I might build you back again. I will allow this, all of this, that you will be equipped for all that is ahead."

And my voice screamed back until it was raw, "WHAT WILL YOU EQUIP ME FOR?! YOU STRIPPED EVERYTHING AWAY!!! WHAT FUTURE?! WHAT CALLING?! THERE. IS. NOTHING. LEFT."

There, in that moment, the darkness was deep. It is a darkness that life will bring no matter whom you might be. Because, life is life. No matter who you are. And if you say you do not know it, you are lying to yourself. Or you're very, very young and have simply not lived long enough to experience it yet. I can assure you, however, it will come. For me, it was thick and heavy, like a black fog that permeated every waking moment…and all I could repeat was the name of the One who I could no longer see, but who I could feel in that deep night. The months moved slow and heavy, yet the fog remained. I lived there, not wanting to move. Not wanting to breathe. Not wanting to do anything but simply survive. And that's exactly what I did for months. I waited and remained silent, shut down, shut off, and simply survived and whispered with my raw voice, the only thing that my not-functioning mind could somehow form….Jesus.

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Over and over and over. The night was deep, but with each whisper of this name, with each breath that exhaled this one word, the darkness began to shift. Move. Jesus. The fog began to disperse. Jesus. Light. Jesus. Like a crack in a wall, light, golden and warm, began to stream through. The doubts, the lies, before the light they fled.

The whisper of His name on my tongue became my substance to stand. To lift my head and look up. To reach out. There. With that one gesture, His hand was waiting. There, in that moment, His hand, solid and strong grabbed ahold of mine and with one swift move, pulled me to my feet. I was standing. I was held. I was held in the arms of the One whose name was all I could whisper. I was….feeling….something. My heart that was blind to all but the pain, it felt….warm. It felt…light. It knew, there in that moment, that the deep in which it had been residing was lifting. That the pieces in which it was shattered were being fitted back together. That all it thought it could not survive, it was indeed surviving.

It took two years. From start to finish. It took moving forward and slipping back again. It took forgiving when I felt anything but that. It took warring with anger, bitterness, hate, until Jesus was so completely all I could see, that they fled. It took fighting with every ounce of strength I did not possess, but which He gave, to realize that because I had truly heard His voice, because He had called and I had answered, because I was His child, valued, loved, treasured, I must move forward and not give up. It took knowing beyond all I felt that as sure as the sun would rise, He was faithful.

And He is.

Sitting in this coffee shop today, I pen words that, had you told me I'd be writing two years ago, I would never have believed. Sitting here today, there is so much that I have a first-hand knowledge and understanding of now that I never had before. There are things, hard, dark, deep things that I can now speak against because I have dealt with them. There are situations that I can now speak into because I have been there and stand on the other side of. There is much. There is more than I could have ever dreamed. There is an absolute certainty that if I could go back, if I could do it all over again, I would change absolutely nothing about what happened.

There is a knowledge now about my God that I never had before. I can say with every single fiber that makes up my being, that He loves you beyond all the hard stuff. Man, there is so much hard stuff. There are things that knock us completely out of the blue, there are things that we see coming but cannot stop, BUT above and beyond all the hard stuff, Jesus is greater still. And He is crazy about you. He loves you SO MUCH! Sitting here in this moment, I need you to understand this. You are His treasured, beautiful child. You are worth more than you can begin to imagine to this man who died for you. He looks at you and all He sees is how worth His life you were and are. He hung there so long ago and gazed down the ages and what He saw, what kept Him on that tree, was your face. Because He loves you. 

I have a passion for this now like never before. What I went through, the details of what happened to me, I can never stress enough how unimportant they are. What matters, is how the pain and hurt and all that came with this, changed me. It taught me what a product of grace I am. That nothing else matters in this life but loving God's children. To love them so much that you can show His love beyond all else. This doesn't mean that you accept every sin and never speak against it. It means you love the way Jesus did because it is this that changes people. It is His love that decimates sin.

I am thankful beyond all words, that He stripped me of all I thought I wanted for the rest of my life.

Now, sitting here in this moment, I am face to face with everything being given back. Given back in far greater measure than anything that was ever taken away. I am staring into the eyes of Jesus in a way I never have before as He hands back to me, with the greatest smile on His face, the call. The call that He placed there. Here in this moment, with perfect clarity, I can look back on all that happened and like backing away from a puzzle being fit together, I can see the picture as a whole. Like a circle being completed, I am back at the beginning of it all…but, wow, it's so much more than before. Oh, there are many things to come in the future that I can't see, but for the first time since that glass shattered, I can see the reason for why it all happened. And can I just say WOW! Never saw any of that coming…but, just, wow. Standing here in this moment, I am grateful and more than anything, certain that every single thing that happens in this life is for a purpose. To equip us for the call which is to be first of all, intimate with our Savior, and then to watch as that intimacy flows into the work He has placed before us.

I have a friend who always says, "We're on a business trip while on this earth, to get to know Him through walking by faith." Man, that has never been more true in my life than it is right now. I have so much in front of me that requires me to walk by faith, but because of what I have walked through, because of every single moment that Jesus, in all His love and grace allowed to happen, I can walk assured that beyond any pain that may come, He is faithful! HE IS FAITHFUL! I can walk knowing that this journey is beautiful and terrible and wonderful and sweetly wild! It is an adventure with my King and what an adventure it is! As another friend has said many, many times, "It is an endless frontier!" So, with the destination set before my eyes, with Jesus being the goal, with one day standing physically before Him being all I want, I would dance out this journey set before me, holding His hand all the way home.

This is the point. You are on this journey as well. And He is waiting for you to reach out so that, with one swift move, He can pull you to your feet that you may walk equipped for the call that is on your life.

You. Are. Loved. Beyond all else. You are loved. He loves you. 

a song played.

Please click play on the video below if you'd like to listen to the song this post was written to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dsmqv3lhfsg

Morning light is streaming into my little living room. Sitting here at my beautiful english writing desk, my fingers tap out what has become second nature to them. This dance that I have not found enough time lately to tap out across the black keys…but, still it comes, gently, willing to be danced still. A mug full of steaming coffee sits next to my computer and the thoughts, like swans gliding across a lake, are warmed with its dark contents. Music quietly lilts out of the silver screen before me, stilling the birds that would wildly fly about in my head, taming them to be caught and written down.

So many thoughts, so many things I would say, mere shadows caught in my hands. Forever I write about things that are merely a glimpse of what I would have them be. Yet, even in this there is a purpose. Even here, desperately trying to put into words all the thoughts that control feelings deep within this well, there is beauty and purpose still.

A violin bow glides across strings, moaning out an achingly beautiful melody. Listening, I think of the song, the notes drawn across strings that my own hands would play, that they know almost better than the song I write across black keys that spill forth words. Notes that have danced across my days since I was three. The violin an extension of my arms…as if it is a part of my body. Now, out of my speakers comes a song that is not mine, that another hand draws forth. Carefully, my ears listen to the song, not thinking so much of the instrument as they do what is coming out of it. I think of the black notes that dance through the air, that float into my heart, landing there to draw out emotions coloring the words written. I know the dedication, the practice, the effort that the player put forth in order to draw the bow so smoothly across the strings, to make the sound clear and effortless and beautiful, weeping for what I do not know. I think of how intimate the artist is with the instrument that is masterfully played in this song. Of how intimate I am with the instrument played. I know the curve of its wood, the curls and twists carved into all that makes it what it is, the holes that allow the sound to be drawn forth. I know the way the strings must be tightened, brought into tune with each other, allowing all that is sung to be correct. I know how it is almost painful to bring every string into perfect tune with all the others, allowing each part of the instrument to be in alignment, transparent, and yet each string showcases the diversity of the whole instrument. Each sound sung out is different than all the others, beautifully diverse. Some notes, some sounds, and certain songs played will touch those who listen in different ways. There will be songs that are cast aside, while others will like arrows shot, pierce hearts that listen to them.

And because I am a writer, a musician, and deeply in live with my God, I cannot help but see the correlation in it all. The violin in all its beauty is nothing if not picked up in the artist's hands. If left alone, it will sing of nothing, no notes will dance forth, no lives will be touched. And here it is then. When I look at my life, when I look at all the things that are changing, shifting, moving, I realize that, I do not want to be the artist playing. If my life is to be the artist or the instrument, I would be the violin in the hands of the One who will draw forth the song. I know myself, I know the kind of artist I would be if left to my own inclinations. So, instead of playing the song, I would be the one played. I would have my God pick me up and draw forth that which will bring the most glory to His name. I would have the strings that are the areas of who I am, all tightened and brought into alignment together so that, in all their diversity, they will play together to point back to the One who brings out the song and notes created. Trusting, I can know without a doubt that whatever is played by His hands will be far more beautiful than I could ever dream.

The song continues. It dances about in my heart, achingly beautiful, making my head think of all that is to come. That it will be, as C.S. Lewis said, far better than anything we could possibly leave behind. Remembering that this life of mine is short, too short to not answer the song that He would play across my life, there is joy beyond all I can imagine in this. In waiting to hear the song, in knowing that He is faithful, in seeing the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Wait. Wait and listen and allow Him in all the incredible beauty that your Father is, to lift you in His hands and play a unique song with your life. With the life He created just for you, His precious, unique, individual child. You. You reading this in this very moment. You are treasured in the hands of a master musician, cherished and loved beyond all compare. Wait and watch and see the amazing things He will do with your life. Gaze into His eyes and seek to have an intimate relationship with the One who loves you above all else. Watch and see what your God will do...

echoes.

Gently, the pages are opened. Gently they are felt under hand, each precious letter holding something, some long sought after treasure. And the voices come, across time they float, glide, living, breathing, into my head, into my heart. Some are heard like the mighty crash of ocean waves, while others whisper in my ear as silent as a gentle breeze, more felt than heard. Angry, tired, indignant, joyous, sorrowful, overflowing with joy, grieved, laughing, they are all different, each bearing a different emotion. Each paints an individual story and none are the same. Their stories are as different and colorful as the voices that bring them to life. Yet, they each have a common thread, a cord that binds them together as surely as if they were one. Ever pointing to one thing, ever singing the same song, speaking if only in shadow, of that which was coming and came.

My hand passes over the thin pages, taking delight in the rustling song they sing out with each one turned. Skimming down the text, words begin to take form and spring to life before my eyes. I am amazed by the detail put into this book, how there is no question that each word was carefully thought out, weighed in the balance, and written out so very long ago. I am becoming lost in the stories as the greatest of adventures are told. And the voices speak of things unimagined. Things that seem so long ago, yet because of what they point to, as if they were happening in my own life...and in some ways, they are. For the voices tell of those who were unworthy, the least, the ones who surely should not have been used to accomplish what they did. They tell me of how they could not speak, of how some were but children, and others the oldest in their society, awkward and stumbling. They speak and laugh and wail of what they were burdened for, what their hearts ached for, what they took joy in...and through it all the cord still runs. Like a golden light burning through each life, always and forever pointing to but one thing. And I smile. For if that golden cord, if that burning light could be so strong and bright in these lives, in these voices that fill my days, then I am assured. I am assured that though this life of mine is but one in a million, though I am truly unworthy of the call, my life, here and now, can be used despite me. It can and will point as their's did, to that one, glorious thing. I smile. For my heart echoes the beat of the hearts the voices speak of in this beautiful book in my hands....Jesus….