i thought of you.

"One true sentence. I would stand and look out over the roofs of Paris and think, ‘Do not worry. You have always written before and you will write now. All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.’ So finally I would write one true sentence, and then go on from there. It was easy then because there was always one true sentence that I knew or had seen or had heard someone say. If I started to write elaborately, or like someone introducing or presenting something, I found that I could cut that scrollwork or ornament out and throw it away and start with the first true simple declarative sentence I had written." ~Ernest Hemingway 

The temptation came today. It came a few minutes ago. To be too tired. Because it's late and I don't want to and would it really matter anyway? Then, I thought of you. I thought of you sitting there on the other side of this computer screen, clicking to see if there was a new post, a new something in my little corner of this blogging world…and that thought would not let me alone. Because, I could not leave you sitting there with nothing. Disappointed that I didn't show up today. So, I'm sitting here on the other side of the screen, thinking about all the things I could be doing and remembering that none of them are as important as this. Yes, there will be days when I don't post. There will be days when life gets in the way…but then, in order to write, life must be lived. In order to have something to tell, there must be stories crafted on my end. It would seem to me, the very best way to write is to live. 

I'm learning. I'm beginning to understand that if I let one day pass without writing, the muscle that I'm building will become lazy and sore, not wanting to move. So, this quote rings quite true:

"I write. I write every single day. 

Doesn't matter if anyone reads it or doesn't read it. 

I write."  

~James Patterson

I write. Doesn't matter if anyone reads it. Or doesn't read it. But you do read it. This thought is crazy to me. 

When I was a little girl, I dreamed of having my name printed on a book with the word "by" in front of it. That was my ultimate goal. I have spiral bound notebooks filled with words that I knew would be published one day, because that's what happened when a writer wrote anything, right? Oh for the days before reality painted a different picture. A picture of stories sent back, of needing agents, and publishers, and not knowing of editors or first and second and third drafts. I just wrote. 

Then the world changed. Where once it was hard to publish anything, where an industry demanded degrees and talent and something worth while, there suddenly sprang up from some unknown world something new: the blog. With the click of a button, you suddenly had an audience, no filters, no editing, no worthy words needed. Just click. And this is not me trying to bite the hand that I would like one day to feed me;) This is me just being amazed at the ease with which we can now "publish" to an audience what we want to say. This is me being seriously grateful in a way, that I can write to an audience that will listen. Yes, I still want to write a book or several (depending on how ambitious I am on any given day) but, until that happens, or until my writing is "discovered" I still get to write and have others read the words penned immediately. Whoa. That's pretty dang amazing. 

However, I've realized something. The more I enter into this blogging world, the more I discover some AMAZING writers who have some seriously worthwhile words to share…and the more I discover some writers who have some seriously ridiculous not worth your time words to write. I don't want to be the latter. I would be the kind of writer that enriches your days whether the words are serious or silly, dramatic or random, I still want them to not be…crap;) I want to make it worth your while to open up my posts and read the words here.

So, let my pen dwell not on that which will tear you down, but on that which will give you wings to fly to worlds unknown. A place of fairies and trolls, of dragons and knights, of love and bitterness, of reality and fantasy. For to write well, I believe there must be a balance between the two. To write well you must believe that I have walked the path to fairy land while keeping a firm hold of our own. That I have opened the door to Narnia, but come back again. So, let my pen dwell on these things. Let it write of ordinary days full of ordinary moments made extraordinary in their simple beauty. Let it dwell on how human we are and how much we are loved by the Living God. Let it dwell on heart ache and healing, on emotions and all that go with them, while walking out what we should despite how we feel. Let it dwell on this. And thank you for reading. 

the struggle is real.

Ok, let's get real for a few minutes here: 

There are some seriously hard things that life throws our way. There are things that knock you out of the blue, making you fall to your knees and change your life. There are things that shoot into your heart like an arrow and though no one around you knows about it, the pain, hurt, whatever it may be, has to be dealt with. It's there. Right now. I know you have it, that arrow sticking out of your chest because, at any given moment, I'm working on getting yet another one worked out of my own heart.

That's life.

It's not all happy rainbows and butterflies, it's not all dancing and laughter, or ease and comfort. That's not reality. If you happen to find yourself in such a season, I'm not here to be the bearer of bad news, but here's your wake up call: it's just a season.

And let me tell you what, you better HOPE it's just a season! Because if you're just coasting through life, not causing any ripple effects at all, something is seriously wrong. If we're somehow able to dodge every hard thing, for years on end, if we feel no resistance spiritually…that's when you better start absolutely freaking out. Because, do you know what that means? You aren't causing the enemy any concern. You aren't even important enough for him to put forth an effort to stop however it is you're living. Yeah. Are you uncomfortable yet? Good. You should be.

Here's the thing though. Whenever I run up against resistance, do you know what my first knee jerk reaction is?

To stop.

Not only do I want to stop, I start coming up with some impressive reasons why I don't need to do whatever it is I'm doing anymore. This is quickly followed by the most intense form of lethargy you've ever seen. Honestly, I get absolutely 100% exhausted and want nothing more than to curl up under my down comforter and never come out….or sit in front of movies for hours on end. Either one;) But seriously, I can pretty much set a timer to the tactics of the enemy in this area of my life. Especially where prayer and writing are concerned.

A couple years back, I had the most direct and intense spiritual attack on my writing to date. Like legit. It was so bad that I walked away from writing for over a year. Not a word did I type. For a while this was exactly what needed to happen in order to let the wound heal. But then, the pain and hurt, the wound that was still bleeding though staunched, quickly became excuses. That birthed more excuses, that caused even greater excuses to multiply. It was astounding how fast these all sprung up and I believed them. All the lies, all the taunting, all the screaming that the enemy was doing, I didn't even fight. I was content to sit down and listen. I freaking listened to the enemy for OVER A YEAR! What?! But it's true. And not only did I listen, I believed him. 

In the dark of the night, in the deep pit that I sat in, I listened, I believed, and somehow, as twisted as it was, I enjoyed it. Because the sinister voice that spoke into the darkness whispered things my flesh craved to hear. It spoke death and hurt, hatred and bitterness over my soul. And I sat there and bled.

Our God is faithful. 

I sat in his office the afternoon everything changed, bleeding and broken, and wanting nothing more than for him to confirm what I'd been listening to for months. That somehow, the enemy was actually right. He looked at me, seeing through the veil for a moment, and spoke against all the lies that had been so cleverly constructed for months, "When God places a call on your life, He does not remove it, Jade. It is always there. You can choose to listen to the lies and you can choose to not answer, but He will always call."

BAM.

Did it change overnight? Nope. Did I answer right away…well, it took a bit. Slowly, slowly, slowly, the words began to come. Slowly they were crafted and to this day are being used as paint for the One who holds the paint brush in His hands. I am simply the vessel that holds the paint He is mixing in order to paint the words He would through my life. 

Do I still struggle daily with voices that speak against what I write? You better believe it. Do I feel resistance? You have no idea. Have I suddenly realized that this is a legitimate call that absolutely requires that it is a priority in my life? Yeah. I've finally realized it. I don't always get it right. I suck a lot at getting it right. But, the point is that for the first time in my life, I'm legitimately seeing it for what it is and I'm trying.

So, this is the point: You have a call on your life. I have no idea what that looks like. Maybe it's painting, writing, singing, being a doctor, a lawyer, a nanny, a mother, a daughter, a business woman, a son, a father, someone who works an office job, or in a coffee shop. Whatever it is, listen to Him and find it. I can assure you once you hit on it, you'll know. I can assure you once you hit on it, you'll feel resistance like never before. Press on. Don't give up. Don't sit down in the dark and listen to the voices that will surely arise against what He has created you to do. Press forward, press onward, go further up and further in, always aiming for the mark that He has set before you.

Life is too short to waste it. He is too amazingly wonderful to not spend your life for Him.

Rise up and seek your God and all that He has created you to be!

~

"Strive not to choose that which is easiest, but that which is most difficult. Do not deprive your soul of the agility which it needs to mount up to Him."  ~Saint John of the Cross

it is none of your business. period.

 I crave time away. I look for places to retreat. Corners tucked away, small roads winding to gardens, cafes off the beaten path…wherever it is, you'll find me as far back and deep in as I can possibly get wherever I am. This is why I fell so in love with Italy. The way time slowed, where cathedrals held times gone by, where cafes offered you a place to not rush in and out of, but to stop, press pause, and simply be. To savor that sip of cappuccino, that dark and bitter espresso, the smile he cast you across the room, the way her eyes lit up when she smiled and told that one story about that one time. Moments caught and forever held deep within steaming cups of caffeine and powdered pastries.

Everyone told me I'd be glad to come home…but, at the risk of sounding very unpatriotic, I wasn't. Yes, there were so many things I missed, but in general, I fell achingly in love with that place that held so much that I crave. However, I did come home (obviously) and now, nearly ten years later…I'm aging myself again…I seek out places I can escape to.

And at the end of a little strip mall (they don't have those in Italy) there is a little cafe in the heart of a very american city. A little cafe that is so European it hurts. I have NO idea how I stumbled upon it…except (at the risk of over spiritualizing everything) I truly think I was directed here. That because our God is so incredibly personal, He knew that as I'm having some very serious conversations with Him, this is exactly where I needed to be. Dimly lit, Vivaldi drifting through the air around me, espresso and a scone beside me, my heart has taken a deep breath and the knot in my stomach is slowly releasing.

So many thoughts, so many things dancing here and there. So many things I yearn for and ache for and generally have to release with every breath that I suck into my lungs. I long for the salty marshes of the state that birthed me and runs through my veins, I ache for the rocky, foggy, hauntingly sad beaches of the pacific northwest, for days drenched in rain cold and cool and still. I yearn for Europe, for countries I've yet to go to and people I've yet to meet. For food I've never tasted, and souls that will glance at mine and recognize a reflection there that is not my own. I think often of hot tea and cottages, of fairies and ogres, knights and their ladies, of star shine and moonlight, fireflies and rivers that run through mountains leading to countries in different realms. I want babies to raise, whose feet will be strong and spirits will be wild and beautiful through the love of a God that has given them as arrows to fill a quiver. I want their eyes to look into mine and hold within their depths worlds waiting to be awakened.

I ache, I long, I yearn. I scream at the sky and the moments and the air around me, asking when? I think and ponder and dream. And through the stillness I hear only one thing: It is none of your business. Be still. Wait. Take the words given and put them down onto a screen that will allow others to know they are not alone. 

This: I wonder often how I can hear Him so clearly and think I know exactly how things will turn out and precisely what they'll look like, only to find out that more often than not, what I thought would be a certain outcome was not what He'd ever been planning. I've heard more often than not over the last few weeks, "Jade, that is not your business. What I'm doing in his life, what I'm doing in her life, what I'm doing in whomever's lives, what that looks like for them, this is none. of. your. business. What I'm doing in the future in yours, this is also none. of. your. business. If nothing turns out the way you thought it would, it is none of your business. If you are taken far away or if I keep you where you are, it is none of your business."

And more often than not, I scream back, "Well, then what IS MY BUSINESS if my OWN life in the future isn't?!"

And the answer comes, "Your business is to pursue me. Period. To take the next step I've put before you. Not the one twenty steps away, the one before you right now in this moment. Period."

I'm learning this lesson daily. Heck, I'm learning this lesson as I type out the words on this screen, sitting in a little obscure cafe in a city I don't know. I am learning. I am screaming out to a God who has fashioned this journey before me and who is teaching in greater depths than I could ever imagine, that truly, it is about the journey, not the destination. At least not while I'm residing on earth. Earth will always be about the journey and when I get to Aslan's country, then and only then, will it be about the destination. Until then, I am not my own, my life is not my own, my moments and days and months and years, are not my own. The very breath I take into my lungs is not my own. It is His. I am His. Being His, this is my business. Doing exactly what He's asking in this moment, this is my business. Taking the next step in the journey, this is my business. Period.

I think often about the future. I love to dream with Him of what it could be like, but I would rather be fully present in this moment than constantly living in the future, caught up and tossed about by desires that are for the future alone and not for this moment.

 It is none of my business. Period.

"Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Thy will for my life. I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee to be Thine forever. Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit. Use me as Thou wilt, send me where Thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever."  ~Betty Scott Stam

yeah. this just happened.

Guys…sometimes….just…..this:


1. I don't know what the heck is going on most of the time. 
Seriously. And most of the time I'm WAY more put together on the outside than I am on the inside. Legit. You don't even know. Then I read verses that say things like this one:

"Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while." -Mark 6:31

Oh yeah…right. Got it.

2. I REALLY do not like cockroaches. 
I cannot begin to put into words what these creatures from the innermost pit of hell do to me. I absolutely cannot control my body around them. I'm super gifted at levitating onto dressers, kitchen counters, couches…pretty much anything and anywhere high and off the ground. And I'm fairly certain that should a roach decide to chase me around while flying, I could make like superman and morph into some other dimension at the speed of light. If you were not impressed by my skills before, you should be now :sarcasm:

3. Sometimes I just need to breathe. 
Actually, I need to do that on a regular basis…clearly. But, there's breathing and then there's breathing. I need to breathe. Generally, I'm not a worrier, it's just not who I am. In fact, I could probably benefit from being slightly more concerned when things begin to go up in flames instead of, as my mom so often likes to tell me "sashaying through the house when it's ON FIRE!" However, when the desire to worry does happen to knock me upside the head, it's absolutely debilitating. I'm not used to it and I do. not. like. it. Enter the need to breathe. And to remember who is holding my every single moment in His hands. :takes deep breath: The fact that I'm breathing at all is a testament to His goodness and I'm more thankful for His love than for anything else in my life.

4. Honestly, I have to blast this song on a regular basis:

5. Writing is hard: 

"A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people." -Thomas Mann

AND

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." -Ernest Hemingway

Hemingway is the man. Nailed it. Seriously. 

6. I'm pretty well head-over-heels in love with life.

Yeah. Even the hard stuff. There's a lot of hard stuff. But then, there are some incredibly astounding moments that blow me utterly away! And I'm reminded that this life is really, really, really short. And I'm still really, really, really, young….no, this would NOT be an appropriate time to remind me I'm pushing thirty, thank you very much. Rude :moving on: And as C.S. Lewis said, there are far better things ahead than any we leave behind! Gah! What?! That makes me wanna jump up on this tiny table in this very docile little coffee shop and do my happy dance! But I won't. Because that would be awkward… ;) 

7. I get pissed when people talk about how terrible life is. 

Dude. Have you noticed that the sun ROSE this morning? That alone makes your life pretty dang awesome. Talk to me about how dreadful it is when it falls out of the sky. Actually, I'll volunteer that statement myself at that point…..

8. I am fascinated by people. 

I think they're awesome. Even when they're talking to me about how terrible their life is. Because I do it too. And in those moments I need someone to slap me and tell me to GET A GRIP! Sometimes, I have to do it for whomever too;) 

9. Sometimes I put a pillow over my face a scream as loud as I can. 

It helps. Try it:) 

10. Occasionally I swear. 

And then I feel bad. And drink too much coffee. Yeah, whatever…don't get all offended, you KNOW you do it too;) 

11. I need Jesus. I NEED JESUS. 

12. Have a great weekend!!!

THE END.

an adventure and what the heck i'm doing.

 (to whomever took this lovely picture, it's wonderful! but I do not know who took it;) )

I am buried within a very big city. 

Honestly, since the morning I found my eyes opening from sleep here, the only consistent thing that's gone through my mind is, what. am. I. doing.? Where am I? Did I hear the Lord right? Did I do the right thing?!?! :freaks out:

:deep breath: 

Honestly, part of me craves this kind of thing. The "moving without knowing anyone, never having been here, I have no idea how to drive in this place, what's the deal with all this traffic, whoooooa" kind of thing. Yeah, that kind of thing. There is this insatiable hunger deep within me to be fluid, moving, listening, always ready to answer the Call of the One whose voice I'm learning to tune into before all other sounds. It's that whisper that comes in the deep of the night, that clarity that is present in the morning, that deep contentment that only comes from doing what you know you should. It's all of this and more. 

I have no idea what's going to happen on this new adventure. People keep asking me how it's all going. What I'm doing. But no, really, how's it going? Well, since you asked, do you really want to know? Ok, here's the answer: it's going exactly the way it's supposed to. I moved. I left all my friends. Why? Because, I heard His call with absolute clarity. Is it different than what I thought it'd be? Absolutely. Is that a bad thing? No! Why? Because, it is not about the outcome. It's about the journey. 

I have done a lot of things in my life so far. One of those included working for an amazing ministry a few years ago and in order to do that, I had to leave everything, move to a place where I knew no one, and completely step out in faith. It was the most wonderful experience I've ever had…walking without any idea of what would happen next, just knowing that He had called and so I was answering. When the time came to leave, however, I fought it. I fought it with every fiber of my being. I kicked and screamed and told God that His plan was clearly going awry and I could take it from there. Bad idea. Instead of letting go, I clutched everything even tighter to myself and so, He had to pry my hands open. In His wisdom He gently whispered, "If your eyes are focused more on the ministry, if your identity is built on that instead of me, I will remove what I have to in order to have you redirect your eyes to me. And I will teach you who you are in me alone." 

Whew. 

Do you know what happened next? I left in a way that was extremely hard and everyone in my life at the time who had not wanted me to be there in the first place were able to say, see, we told you so. 

And then. And then, and then. Oh my, the pain and hurt were indescribable…but, do you know what I learned? Truly, He is faithful. He is good. He is the master of bringing forth beauty from ashes. I was completely shattered in order to be built back stronger. In order to know who I am. In order to truly see that nothing but being close to Him matters. To learn that this life is not about what we think the outcome should be. It's about the daily steps. The walking forward. The moving and breathing and knowing in whom we trust. So, what looked to be a failure to so many, was in fact, the most amazing, hurtful, beautiful, terrifying, wonderful lesson I have ever learned. And, if I had to go back and do it all over again, I can now say from the inner most part of my soul, I would not even hesitate. For I learned to love deeper, forgive greater, have grace abound, and admit when I am wrong. I learned to let go of false humility and to be transparent.  Tell me, how does that equal failure? I can't help but smile at the goodness of my God allowing all of this to mold me into who I am now. Still far from being who He sees at the end, but slowly, I am being made into what He would have me be. 

So, here I am again. At the beginning of a new adventure:) What are my expectations? I expect that this will look exactly like what He wants it to. I expect that because I am a royal child of the King, He will draw me closer to Him. I expect that I will meet and fall in love with many, many wonderful people on this journey. I expect that I will love more deeply those I already do. I expect that beyond all I could ever imagine, He is doing far greater things than this. This is what I expect. 

Ok, now the fun part!!! For all of my wonderful readers out there, just in case you're wondering what the HECK I'm doing, please click HERE. Yep, go ahead and click there first, then, after you've checked out the website, come back and finish reading:) 

RIGHT?!?! I know! Pretty cool! I'm kinda beyond stoked about it all. If this lights your heart on fire, if you have any questions, if you just wanna know more, please feel free to email me at jade@camp-royal.com. I would love to hear from you. I am currently heading up our prayer team as this amazing ministry begins, so if you feel the Spirit leading you to pray for us as we head into battle for this young generation, email me! Gosh, do you know just HOW MUCH I'd love to have you fighting alongside us? If you feel the Spirit lead to give financially, you can scroll to the bottom of our home page, right below our video and click on the big, red, DONATE button:) 

If you haven't actually made it to the bottom of the page and haven't watched the video yet, you can watch it HERE! I'm pretty dang proud of it, so let me know in the comments section what you think, and please share it! Also, I do some blogging on website blog, so if you want to see a little different writing style from me, check it out HERE:) 

This is it. This is the new adventure. Nope, I don't know how long I'll be in Dallas. Nope I don't know what it will all look like. What do I know? I know I'm called here for such a time as this. I know I will stay as long as He wants me to. I know I am incredibly honored to be a part of what He's doing, no matter what it looks like. AND to borrow directly from our website:

YOU ARE ROYALTY!

...YOU ARE A CHOSEN PEOPLE, SET ASIDE TO BE A ROYAL ORDER OF PRIESTS, A HOLY NATION, GOD'S OWN; SO THAT YOU MAY PROCLAIM THE WONDROUS ACTS OF THE ONE WHO CALLED YOU OUT OF INKY DARKNESS INTO SIMMERING LIGHT. -1 PETER 2:9

IF YOU HAVE ACCEPTED HIS LOVE AND INVITATION,

THEN DARE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE ACCEPTED AT THE THRONE OF GOD.

DARE TO BELIEVE YOU ARE ROYALTY.

PUT ON THE ROYAL ROBES OF RIGHTEOUSNESS

THE KING DELIGHTS TO HONOR YOU!

days like pearls.

(not my image)

"And kid, you've got to love yourself. You've got to wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You've got to sit next to the man at the train station who's reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You've got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you've got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You've got to stop taking everything so personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You've got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid july. You've got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won't matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You've go to stop worrying about what you're going to tell her when she finds out. You've got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You've got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Love yourself, kiddo. You've got to love yourself."

Oh. My. Goodness. Seriously. I wish I'd written this. I wish I had thought of this in the early light of morning or the deepness of the night. Things like this, words like these, hearts and souls and the humans who possess them, they touch that inner most well within my own soul.

Words like these inspire me to be…more. To take a long hard look at life and remember that those ordinary moments that we let slip by, those are the ones that hold the most depth. Those days that slip off the string of life like pearls falling gently from their strand, bouncing and rolling away here and there, forgotten under the dresser or rug or bed where we left them, these are the ones that one day, bending down low, we suddenly find and remember like a treasure.

Days like pearls. Beautiful and still, quiet and exquisite, playing out to the song we are choosing to dance. Days filled to overflowing with people, lives intersecting with our own, strung together with meaning and purpose. Perhaps the meaning came in sitting in that one coffee shop, catching your eye, a smile gently playing across your mouth…connecting the string of your life with mine. I don't know your name and you don't know mine, but there it is, just like that. You are, for a moment, silently dancing with my life and I with yours. The song slows as you look up again and now the dance glides to the smile I send back your way.

Days like pearls slipping off their strand. Laughter bubbles from her little body. She looks over at me, gently waving her pudgy little hand, brown curls bouncing up and down with every movement. Blue eyes light up her entire body as she looks at me, waiting for me to take her wave and send it back. I pick up this moment, take in her innocent face trusting that I can do nothing but respond to her and dance out this span of time we are connected in. The song plays sweet and clear as we each dance with the other, squinting eyes and smiling big, beauty spilling from the innocent to the adult she has captured. My heart overflows. And her mama gently takes her hand as she bounces away to dance with others.

The string is strung. Our days are connected. The song is playing, unique to each of our lives. How will our strand connect with those He has placed before us today? Even for the briefest of moments…how will we choose to dance with those around us?

For we are not the moon kissing the black sky. We are human. We are ordinary. We are beautiful. There is a depth we carry, a well deep within us. So, tell him that his eyes remind you of green swimming pools in the middle of July. Tell her the freckles sprinkled across her nose are enchanting. Step outside tonight, take a deep breath, and look up at the stars. They are kissing the black sky. You are not. You are dancing out these moments under their light to the song you have been given. So take your strand of pearls and hold them close. Look at the ordinary, invaluable days you've been given and love them. And above all else, connect your strand with the stranger in the coffee shop, with the baby girl that smiles your way, with the older gentleman sitting on the park bench, or the woman behind the counter in your favorite cafe. These people, these moments, they are always worth it. 

of a 10 year plan, irony, and the bottom line.

(nope, not my picture…someone send me a nice camera and I'll start taking my own;) )

I got to talk to one of my best girls last night about life, writing, business, and just stuff in general. This girl seriously brings me back down to earth and I'm SO incredibly thankful for her no bs outlook on this thing we call life. I can get so caught up in the everyday moments (which is definitely not a bad thing) that I appreciate people who can help me take a step back and suck in a deep breath. She does that.

She asked me an important question, however. One that got me to thinking about you. Yeah, you reading my blog right now. She asked me where I saw all of this going, what I was aiming for in 10 years with my blog and writing. Ha! Ironic seeing how I just confessed to not having a 10 year plan yesterday, right? So, I took a second to think about how I haven't actually made a 10 year plan (again) and then it dawned on me: I know exactly what I want to happen with my writing. I know exactly where I want it to go. Whoa. That was kind of a shocking realization! Thing was, I didn't really even have to think…I just knew.

Here it is: I want to relate to you. I want you to escape to my posts each week and feel like you and I are sitting across from each other grabbing coffee. I want to talk to you. To truly see you. Honestly, when I think about that, I'm so passionate about it that it makes me want to cry. Because, even if I don't literally have you in front of me, you can find in my writing something that absolutely speaks into your life. Whether it's about being single, being in a relationship that sucks (yep, been there too), family stuff, or those amazing moments that light up your day or my day, that's what I want you to hear. Maybe it's about how incredible this God I love so much is, or how I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through the next week. Whatever your season, whatever your current life situation, that's what I long for. To reach across this space between us and somehow put my arms around you with what I'm saying. To put my hands on your shoulders, look into your eyes, and let you know that you. are. not. alone. That you are validated. I have craved that and not received it in my own life, so I know what that longing looks like. I have been invisible and so this too I understand first hand. And then, I have been truly seen by others in my life and that moment is truly incredible! When someone can speak into your life and go, hey, I get this, you aren't alone because I get this. You aren't alone because let me tell you about this God that loves you so much. You aren't alone because no matter who you are, we are all in this thing called life together. So, you are not alone.

That's my 10 year plan. That's my 10 year plan if I never make a single dime off of writing ever. The bottom line is, you are my audience because you chose to be here and because you chose me. The bottom line is, you are my priority. You are allowing me to come into your life, to give me a chance to talk to you, and that means more than absolutely anything else in my writing. Nope, I'm not always gonna say things you wanna hear. I pray I don't always. I pray you can escape here, but that you are stretched and moved by the One who has given me the words to write. Because, if we were sitting in a coffee shop across from each other, the bottom line is, I'd always be honest with you. So, I want to do the same here. For you to know that I'm never going to write something that I don't absolutely believe.

Oh, and by the way, this is. not. a. highlight. reel. Seriously. I am not interested in you thinking that somehow my life is magically easier than yours because I've found the formula to make it so. No matter who we are, life in general is amazing and wonderful and beautiful and terrible and hard and worth every single moment we are given. Bottom line.

So, let's be real. Let's be transparent. Let's be exactly who we were created to be. You are a royal child of the King of Kings! Let's start living that way. And thank you. Thank you for choosing to read the words of a woman who is desperate for her God, who is desperate for His kids to know how beautiful they are to Him, and who cares about you. Because you are worth being loved and seen and known.

"But you are a CHOSEN RACE, a ROYAL PRIESTHOOD, a HOLY NATION, a PEOPLE FOR God's OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; for you once were not a people, but now you are THE PEOPLE OF GOD; you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy."  -1 Peter 2:9,10