of today and winter.

It's been one of those beautiful autumn days where heavy gray clouds have taken hold of the sky, slowing time. Golden leaves and a crisp breeze have floated in and out of the little cafe I've been sitting in as voices laugh and hum around me. This day has been much needed in my life. A time to just sit, listening to music, talking to my Abba, journaling and drawing, having the pen glide from words to pictures and back, finally stopping to type out the well known dance of my fingers across black keys. Life is beautiful. The little valley that I live in has been transformed into a canvass, the paint brush taken firmly in the hands of a wonderful God as He once again painted a masterpiece upon the mountain sides that surround me. Crimson and deep orange , gold and the haunting green of pine trees, all set against deep gray skies, have combined to birth one of the loveliest autumns I've ever seen. 

And so I sit here, blown away by how quickly the warmth of summer has slipped away, the days growing shorter and shorter, light becoming less and less, giving way to beautifully cool evenings that shimmer with crisp starlight, sending whispers of the deep winter soon to come. 

Ah winter…I can feel her in the air around me, haunting voices that arise in the dark of the night, slipping in and out of dreams born from falling snow. Frigid beauty will blanket the mountains, burying deep and silent much, allowing for silence and stillness to be gifted and taken with no guilt. Firelight will come to life, blankets will be deep and warm, drinks will be extra hot and steam more than usual, as winter settles in. Snow will dance from heavy, colorless skies, and sunlight will set against mountains whose snow will burn with its light. We will dash from one warm place to the other, Christmas lights brightening our evenings as holidays begin. Winter…for as uncomfortable as it can be, and as much as I complain about the coming cold, the truth is, I'm actually having this beautiful love affair with all it is. For in the silence, in the stillness that comes, it has always been in this season that I have stolen away with my God, gazing into eyes that have captivated my heart, hearing so clear the gentle call, and answering back that where He leads, be it over mountains and seas, forests and fields, to lands near or far, with whomever He wills, no matter what, I will answer His call and go. This has been the theme of my winters that are now gone, and so as I feel her coming once again on the air, I cannot help but look forward to what she will bring this season. 

And there is much to hope for. I have loved the past couple years, despite deep hurt and pain, they have been a gift I would never exchange, and yet, I feel the tide begin to shift. Change quietly stealing in…though I have absolutely no idea what that change looks like. Oh, I can dream of what I'd like it to mean, of what I'd like to happen, but at the end of the day I would rather have nothing that I want and have Him give all I need. For I am learning ever so slowly that what He gives, no matter how it looks in the moment, always surpasses all that I could ever dream up for myself. Always. 

yikes!

Hi everyone!

I felt like I needed to write a quick post and address the fact that my g-mail account decided to dump a TON of emails that several of you had written me from June and July of this year, into my inbox this morning! GAH!!! What in the world?! SO, this is a huge apology for the fact that you've written me and not heard back from me, because I ABSOLUTELY love hearing from my readers and never, ever want you to feel like you're being swept under the rug. While I may not be able to reply immediately to an email, the max should be a few days, so just know if you've yet to hear back from me, it's because I'm now playing catch up with all the emails I have. I hope you all have a beautiful day overflowing with the love of Jesus and that your autumn is off to a splendiferous start!

Hugs,
Jade

Oh No! - Mindy Gledhill

Quirkiest and most lovely song I've heard in a long time...her music seriously sounds like vanilla ice cream floating in strawberry soda...

shattered glass, a question, and the beauty of this life.

It's amazing how quickly time slips by without the words flowing out of me. When I first started blogging a few years ago, not a week went by without some post or thought somehow working its way into the words written and sent out into the vast orbit of the blogging world. I thrived on every moment spent crafting the words that were translated from my heart to the page before me, where the cursor blinking was like a paintbrush in the hands of a very willing painter.

Then, everything changed.

And where once there were words, all that was left were the broken shards of shattered glass where once something beautiful had been.

There are times when I can write more often. There are times when I think that everything is finished, that I'm done trying to pick up the pieces of what I used to have...of a time I thought I always wanted to keep and then realizing after much struggle, that I would never want it back...but, then there are times when I'm back in that place, looking around at the glittering pieces of glass laying all around me. There are times when the words get stuck, located somewhere between my throat and abdomen, not budging and giving me that odd feeling similar to right before you start to cry and your chest tightens up. Those times come, and lately, seem to catch me off guard and unprepared...and all I want to do is push this blinking cursor as far away from me as possible, because honestly, who wants to hurt and hurt, and keep doing things that hurt?

Those times, the ones that halt the writing, they make me hate with a passion the fact that I have this driving need to write, to communicate what I can't say out loud, those moments have been more frequent lately. Because, apparently the wound has not quite finished healing. And while the forgiveness has been given whole heartedly, it seems the struggle now lies deep inside me alone, touching those hidden insecurities that get pushed down beyond the place that never shows.

I had a friend ask me a couple weeks ago what my biggest insecurity is. The moment the question was out there hanging in space and caught between us, it almost knocked the air totally out of every cell inside my body. Seriously. It caught me so out of the blue that I could literally feel my soul start to shield all those deep places inside where the cracks lie hidden. I tried to change the subject and thought I'd dodged it for a while, but then he asked again...and there was nothing hidden or searching or pulling in his voice, it was simply a question and it was not being used as a weapon to force me open and lay me bare. And for the first time in a long time, having someone ask me something about who I am inside was suddenly not a threat...which kinda sent my head spinning even more. Of course, I fumbled and danced around all I really wanted to say, giving the very tip answer of a very deep iceberg, but the answer was taken simply for what it was...just taken and not made more or less of. Which is a really big deal for me. The whole moment and question and all of it, was a huge thing...and something in me shifted. I could see in that moment that one day, all the insecurities that were wrought with the shattering of glass will no longer be present. I could see by the way he simply handled what I said, that one day, the rushing fear of actually talking about an insecurity won't be the knee jerk reaction that engulfs me.

And all of this is a beautiful reassurance that slowly, day by day, minute by minute, the pieces that were broken are steadily being fit back together again. With each moment that knocks the breath out of me in a good way, with every post I write that hurts but heals at the same time, all of this is being used to paint the picture my Abba is so carefully painting. For through it all He is still faithful and I can honestly say that I would rather have broken pieces of my life being fit back together again and through this, see His hand at work, than to be whole and perfect and not know the great need I have for this irresistible Savior who has breathed life and light and love into this one wild and sweet life He has given me.

Night has crept in while the words have escaped. The air is cool and cooler still, whispering of crisp days to come, full of golden aspen leaves, scarves, and pumpkin lattes, apple pies, and clear starlit nights. The river's song floats gently through open windows, singing unto the One who set its waters into motion. A mug of dark, steaming black tea sits next to me, soothing the aches that can only be helped by such liquid. The day slips away and the stillness of evening settles in, ever deepening into the coming night.

Here, in this moment, the beauty of this life He has given washes over me. The simplicity of all the beautiful and small ways He makes Himself known are overwhelming.

Though life hurts, though it gets broken and shattered, still, beyond all the pain is a beauty that far outweighs it . Every moment can be used to break us or build us...the choice is ours. But, He is always right there, waiting and eager, longing to hold us close and bind up the broken hearts that beat out the rhythm of the days we have been given. What beauty there is in this one life, in all the moments that pass us by unseen, too small to even catch our attention. If we will slow down and stop, take our eyes away from all that is inward, if we will gaze out and into His eyes, the smallest of moments will become those that impact us the most. No matter what it is. A beautiful sunset, your child's sweet laugh, a question asked or an answer given, it is the smallest of moments that, in the end, will affect us the most.  Those moments we play a part in that change a person's life around us, though we may not even know it. So, may we be brave enough to live lives given unto the One who would give us His very best if we will leave the choice to Him. And may we have the courage to be broken and transparent to those around us, finding that through our every weakness, His glory shines brighter still.

Mindy Gledhill - Bring Me Close .... lovely.

thoughts from a cafe.

Morning is slowly lighting the face of the mountains surrounding me. Black silhouettes become green trees, dark gray clouds change from the deepest to the softest of pinks, growing brighter with each passing moment. People drift in and out of this little cafe nestled in the middle of the valley I call home, voices lilt back and forth still heavy with sleep, being doused with gulps of coffee. Four o'clock came early this morning and my bed was really warm and the last thing I wanted to do was drag myself out of it...but, life is too short to sleep until the last possible second every morning. There are mornings when, rising before the birds begin to sing, becoming intimate with the stillness of the morning in all its deepness before the sun has turned her face towards you, this is worth losing the extra sleep for. Sitting outside this little cafe before it opened, having an early morning conversation with my Mom, still in somewhat of a fog from the lack of coffee, I watched the sky grow lighter, remembering just how much I miss this when it's been too long since the earliest of early mornings and I have spent time together. So, tucked away in my little corner table, the coffee is steaming hot and french pressed, the eggs and toast are delicious, the smell of bacon lilts through the air, and I realize again how deeply in love with mornings I am.

So do men apparently....because, I'm pretty sure I've been the only girl in this place since it opened. Either that, or these guys just love their pastries really fresh. It's probably that;) What's the deal, ladies?? I know y'all love mornings too...or at least some of you do. Honestly, I'm an aspiring morning person. I love going to breakfast with friends, but during said breakfasts I'm a fantastic listener, because until you get about two cups of coffee in me, my mouth doesn't work that well. However, I'll sit for hours listening to you talk. Funny thing about writers, we love listening and then processing everything and spitting it back out in whatever form we choose to write in. You should make friends with a writer just to have someone listen to you. Seriously.

So this verse for this morning:

"God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns." 

-Psalm 46:5

Absolutely love this! Best part? I didn't see it until I was sitting here this morning:) Jesus is awesome. It seems that in the quiet of these early mornings, He speaks into the stillness of my heart, before it has become busy with the day, with whatever else is going on in my life and in the lives of those around me. Echoing through the caverns of my heart, His voice is clear and sweet and beautiful. And here in this place the chaos is silenced, the voices that would scream in and press forward are sent fleeing back into the darkness as light and life and joy are spoken here in the silence, and it is here that I know Him and He knows me, and this is truly all that matters. With every day that passes, with desires that I have that long and ache to be fulfilled, I'm learning just how unimportant they are next to Him, to knowing all He is, discovering a God that is living and breathing, laughing and loving and yet, serious for that which must be taken seriously. He is enough. And in this place, this is the thought that takes over all others. He is enough now and He will be enough in the future, for no matter what desires we have, he trumps them all. It is in Him that all joy is found, so if He chooses to take away or not fulfill what I would like, I will still bless His name because, He is enough.

"I love the Lord, because He hears my voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live." -Psalm 116:1, 2

to be known.

It's an interesting fact that each of us searches, pursues, longs, and aches, to be known. I've been thinking about this a lot in the last few weeks, that I have this deeply rooted desire to truly be known, not known in the way that I often am...known in the deepest way. To have someone want to jump in forever and get to know me. For me. By myself. For no other reason than to just know me unlike anyone else, beyond what I've chosen to show, and simply want to be that person who will stand next to me, pressing me into my Savior and witnessing my life.

I'm pretty sure that as women, we are all longing for this, whether we're single and waiting on that person, or if we're in a relationship where we don't really feel known. By the way ladies, let me just say from experience, it's way worse to be in a relationship where you're not truly known than to be single. Seriously. Way. Worse. And I hear it often from so many in my life, that same phrase repeated over and over and over, "Maybe my standards are just too high...because, I don't think there's really anyone out there who will live up to what I want." Worst mistake ever to lower your standards and jump into a relationship that is not what it should be...especially when you know it. I've thought this too...I've thought it over and over...maybe I want too much, maybe I'll never know what it really is to know a man who is totally given to Jesus, maybe I should just get over it and jump into the next best thing that comes along. Yeah. I'm sure now that this is partly true, there is no man out there who will live up to the standards I'm looking for. Because, if Jesus is the standard, then we're all falling short, yes, especially you and I (because as women, where do we come off thinking that we've got it all together?! Pretty sure we're not living up to the standards of that Godly man who's been setting up standards to compare us to either) but, the point is that we are trying our hardest with every moment that passes to be more like Jesus.

Man, with every day that passes, I'm seeing more and more that I'm totally not going to get it together to the standards that I'm holding up. Whew! Not happening. But, you know what? I'm going to try as hard as I can to press into my God with everything I have. And I'm confident that He who is in me, He lives up to everything I'm looking for and everything others are looking for in me. This is an amazingly wonderful thought! I'm actually not doing any of it, I'm just falling down before Him and crying out that I simply do not have it in me, I don't have the strength or goodness or the slightest propensity to be what He wants me to be, but thankfully He does.

"Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus."  -Philippians 3:12

And in this lies the secret. We are known by a man who died for us, Who formed our inward parts, and who desires to know our hearts unlike any other man you will EVER meet. You. Are. Known. Pretty amazing and wonderful fact! Is it easy to remember? Nope. Definitely not. Because we're still human and we're still women and often our emotions grab hold of us and take off like a wild horse you just happened to accidentally take out for a leisurely afternoon ride. Yeah, that turns out to be the farthest thing from leisurely ever! Yay us! It's like we're sitting there, absolutely knowing that Jesus is the only one that truly fulfills us, that we won't be fulfilled in a relationship if we're not fulfilled while we're single, and even though we know this, that moment will hit us just right and the next thing we know, we're lying in a heap on the floor (or bed...FYI: the bed's way more comfortable for an emotional hiccup...just sayin) freaking out because we're never gonna find "the one" and we're gonna die old and alone and what in the world is wrong with us, because we're SUPPOSE to be strong Christian women and how did this happen?!?!?

Ah, hello human nature. This is really hard, I don't care who you are or how long you've been walking with the Lord, it's still super hard!!! And if someone is telling you it isn't, that they are always fine, and they're emotions never run away with them, then, well....I'm sorry, but that's simply not true. Now, do we stay this way? Do we swim around in the muck and mire of this emotional bog we find ourselves in? Um, that's a very big, NO. Why? Because honestly, the bottom line is that we do not rely on our emotions to dictate our actions and lives. We rely and trust in the fact that we are children of the Living God who died for us because He loves us too much to leave us the way we are. That's the bottom of bottom lines. Life is hard, our emotions stink, but He is bigger than all of this! And in Him alone is fullness of joy found. Yeah, I don't know about you, but wow, I need to hear this and repeat this to myself every. single. day. 

He is amazing and wonderful and faithful and His goodness seriously blows me away every day that I draw breath. Maybe it's all kinda starting to sound cliche to you, but let me tell you, get into His word, drink it in like a person dying of thirst, and without a doubt, you're going to be blown away by this God who loves you more than you can comprehend.

He absolutely does not care what image of femininity you bring to the table. Maybe you don't fit into the box of femininity that has always been placed before you. The amazing thing about Jesus is that His light shines through us despite the way we dress, despite the tattoos, or piercings, or perfectly feminine dress, or purple hair, or lace, or any of the other things we do or do not carry and wear upon us. You paint a beautiful picture of femininity that I do not, and I paint a beautiful picture that you don't...yay for being individual and having personal relationships with Jesus! (Note: Please do not write me telling me how this can be taken to the extreme, because obviously anything can be taken to the extreme. And I am not sitting here encouraging you to go get covered from head to toe in tattoos and piercings, however, I do not think any of this has any weight upon Christ working in the heart of a woman. Frankly, I could care less what a woman looks like on the outside, the only thing we as Christians should be looking for is the light of Christ shining through those that we often judge. And this is not a post addressing modesty or the way we should dress, so please take this for what it is and don't make more of it. I am not in the habit of writing with double meanings behind my words, so do yourself the favor and let it be:) )

I love that He takes us just the way we are, bringing us face to face with Him and utterly changing our lives to reflect all that He is. I love that He does indeed fulfill us, making our lives overflow with His joy like a river rushing forth. I love that He holds us close, comforting us and binding up our broken hearts when we crumble at His feet. I love that we as women can be women with this Savior who saved us from all we deserved. I love that you, whomever you are reading this at this moment, no matter your age, your current place in life, whether you're single, married, or widowed, He knows you. He knows every curve and bend and beat of the heart He created within your chest. He knows every desire and longing and the ache that keeps you awake in the deep of the night. And in the silence of the heart that He fashioned within you, it is there that He speaks light and life and love into all you are. For beyond all you are, He is. Beyond all you will ever be, He is. He is and He knows you. 

So, whether you are single, married, or widowed, He is the culmination of all that will fulfill you for all of your days. He is walking out this life with you and witnessing all of your moments, gently asking that you will allow Him in, that you will know Him as well, and He is pursuing you with every sunset that alights the sky into flames of orange and gold, with every wave that crashes upon every shore, with every rainbow shining forth His promises, with every tree gently swaying in the breeze upon the mountain's face, and every cloud bringing forth the rain, with every moment that touches you deep within the well of your heart, He is pursuing all that you are. Do not allow this to become a cliche in your life. For this is truth that is solid and unchanging. You are a child of the Living God. Live your life in such a way that beyond all you feel, He is greater still.

"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." -Philippians 1:6