of days and stars and bleeding out.

Days slip silently by. Moving quickly, one after the other, propelling forward all that this thing called "future" tugs us towards. It's that thing that happens, when you feel like nothing is changing, and then, without being aware of it in the least, you look back and everything has changed.

That has happened a lot for me over the last seven months. This constant shifting and changing, it would seem it's the only consistent thing in this life. It's good. Really good. You know, the further I get, the deeper I go, the more I understand that to not change is death...this life is about the journey. This journey is ever changing. There is an end, but it's definitely not on this earth. The further I get, the deeper I go, there is one thing that keeps resonating through every fiber that I am made up of: You are a child of God. You are loved. Your identity is found in Him, and in Him perfect love is known. He loves you. He loves you. He loves you.

When did it become a cliche? When did radical love become something we decided to push aside? When did our Savior become the cause of every bad thing in our lives, instead of the reason for all the good? I'm really guilty of this. I've blamed Him, I've screamed in His face that I'd done my best and none of it mattered...except, I screamed and believed lies fed from the deepest pit of hell. I held them close, let them fester, and spewed out of my heart things that could simply never be true.

Here's the thing: I don't have all the answers. I can't explain why certain things happen in the way they do. However, I am absolutely 100% certain, that my God, my Savior, He is good. And I actually don't even like the word "good" because using it to describe all that He is seems incredibly shallow. He's not just good, He's AMAZING, INCREDIBLE, STUNNING, BEAUTIFUL, FAITHFUL, all of these words of which none can accurately capture the fullness of all He is. I don't know...the older I get, the more time passes, the more I feel and taste and see what this life is made up of, the more I'm convinced He is worth it all. The more I yearn to go deeper still. The more I want to be in over my head, surrounded by all He is. Because, if I'm over my head, lost in Him, to sink or to swim, to flow with the rushing river, tugged out on the current of an ever changing sea, if it's all in Him, what does it matter if I sink or swim?

Truly, I'm at the point in my life that I'm full to overflowing with Him, but I'm not satisfied yet...I think that will take an eternity. An eternity to pursue and know and fall ever more in love with the One who has pursued me all my life.

So, here we go again. When words break forth from a dam cracked open. When what I was created to do comes forth, called out, because words flow through my veins thicker than blood. This is who He created me to be. One who willingly rips open her heart and bleeds across black keys, while drawing a bow across strings pulled from a crying soul. Writer or musician. Musician or writer. Both.

Writer first. Here to proclaim one thing alone: You are loved more than you can possibly begin to imagine.

Tonight, know this.

Tonight, this is for you. So read the words, let them seep in deep. He loves you. You are not alone. You are His. And you are loved.

My boxes are constantly broken open. My God constantly pushes me forward, teaching me that I can surly know that I know nothing. But, there is one thing I DO know, beyond all that I am, beyond the borders of all I feel or the boundaries of all I want...He is enough. I have wanted much in my life. I have yelled and screamed at the sky when I was not given what I wanted when I wanted it. Oh, I can now exhale a breath of thanksgiving to the One who knows me far better than I know myself. Who waits to fulfill the desires until I begin to see them move across my heart.

Take heart.

Even if you don't believe it.

He knows you. He loves you. This is enough. Yell and scream if you must, because He can take it. But, in the dark of the night, when the stars burn brightest, know that He has you exactly where you are meant to be. In the deep of the night, even the stars shine down love from the One who created them to sing brightly a song born from fiery depths.

This song...it is for you...