it is none of your business. period.

 I crave time away. I look for places to retreat. Corners tucked away, small roads winding to gardens, cafes off the beaten path…wherever it is, you'll find me as far back and deep in as I can possibly get wherever I am. This is why I fell so in love with Italy. The way time slowed, where cathedrals held times gone by, where cafes offered you a place to not rush in and out of, but to stop, press pause, and simply be. To savor that sip of cappuccino, that dark and bitter espresso, the smile he cast you across the room, the way her eyes lit up when she smiled and told that one story about that one time. Moments caught and forever held deep within steaming cups of caffeine and powdered pastries.

Everyone told me I'd be glad to come home…but, at the risk of sounding very unpatriotic, I wasn't. Yes, there were so many things I missed, but in general, I fell achingly in love with that place that held so much that I crave. However, I did come home (obviously) and now, nearly ten years later…I'm aging myself again…I seek out places I can escape to.

And at the end of a little strip mall (they don't have those in Italy) there is a little cafe in the heart of a very american city. A little cafe that is so European it hurts. I have NO idea how I stumbled upon it…except (at the risk of over spiritualizing everything) I truly think I was directed here. That because our God is so incredibly personal, He knew that as I'm having some very serious conversations with Him, this is exactly where I needed to be. Dimly lit, Vivaldi drifting through the air around me, espresso and a scone beside me, my heart has taken a deep breath and the knot in my stomach is slowly releasing.

So many thoughts, so many things dancing here and there. So many things I yearn for and ache for and generally have to release with every breath that I suck into my lungs. I long for the salty marshes of the state that birthed me and runs through my veins, I ache for the rocky, foggy, hauntingly sad beaches of the pacific northwest, for days drenched in rain cold and cool and still. I yearn for Europe, for countries I've yet to go to and people I've yet to meet. For food I've never tasted, and souls that will glance at mine and recognize a reflection there that is not my own. I think often of hot tea and cottages, of fairies and ogres, knights and their ladies, of star shine and moonlight, fireflies and rivers that run through mountains leading to countries in different realms. I want babies to raise, whose feet will be strong and spirits will be wild and beautiful through the love of a God that has given them as arrows to fill a quiver. I want their eyes to look into mine and hold within their depths worlds waiting to be awakened.

I ache, I long, I yearn. I scream at the sky and the moments and the air around me, asking when? I think and ponder and dream. And through the stillness I hear only one thing: It is none of your business. Be still. Wait. Take the words given and put them down onto a screen that will allow others to know they are not alone. 

This: I wonder often how I can hear Him so clearly and think I know exactly how things will turn out and precisely what they'll look like, only to find out that more often than not, what I thought would be a certain outcome was not what He'd ever been planning. I've heard more often than not over the last few weeks, "Jade, that is not your business. What I'm doing in his life, what I'm doing in her life, what I'm doing in whomever's lives, what that looks like for them, this is none. of. your. business. What I'm doing in the future in yours, this is also none. of. your. business. If nothing turns out the way you thought it would, it is none of your business. If you are taken far away or if I keep you where you are, it is none of your business."

And more often than not, I scream back, "Well, then what IS MY BUSINESS if my OWN life in the future isn't?!"

And the answer comes, "Your business is to pursue me. Period. To take the next step I've put before you. Not the one twenty steps away, the one before you right now in this moment. Period."

I'm learning this lesson daily. Heck, I'm learning this lesson as I type out the words on this screen, sitting in a little obscure cafe in a city I don't know. I am learning. I am screaming out to a God who has fashioned this journey before me and who is teaching in greater depths than I could ever imagine, that truly, it is about the journey, not the destination. At least not while I'm residing on earth. Earth will always be about the journey and when I get to Aslan's country, then and only then, will it be about the destination. Until then, I am not my own, my life is not my own, my moments and days and months and years, are not my own. The very breath I take into my lungs is not my own. It is His. I am His. Being His, this is my business. Doing exactly what He's asking in this moment, this is my business. Taking the next step in the journey, this is my business. Period.

I think often about the future. I love to dream with Him of what it could be like, but I would rather be fully present in this moment than constantly living in the future, caught up and tossed about by desires that are for the future alone and not for this moment.

 It is none of my business. Period.

"Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Thy will for my life. I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee to be Thine forever. Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit. Use me as Thou wilt, send me where Thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever."  ~Betty Scott Stam

yeah. this just happened.

Guys…sometimes….just…..this:


1. I don't know what the heck is going on most of the time. 
Seriously. And most of the time I'm WAY more put together on the outside than I am on the inside. Legit. You don't even know. Then I read verses that say things like this one:

"Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while." -Mark 6:31

Oh yeah…right. Got it.

2. I REALLY do not like cockroaches. 
I cannot begin to put into words what these creatures from the innermost pit of hell do to me. I absolutely cannot control my body around them. I'm super gifted at levitating onto dressers, kitchen counters, couches…pretty much anything and anywhere high and off the ground. And I'm fairly certain that should a roach decide to chase me around while flying, I could make like superman and morph into some other dimension at the speed of light. If you were not impressed by my skills before, you should be now :sarcasm:

3. Sometimes I just need to breathe. 
Actually, I need to do that on a regular basis…clearly. But, there's breathing and then there's breathing. I need to breathe. Generally, I'm not a worrier, it's just not who I am. In fact, I could probably benefit from being slightly more concerned when things begin to go up in flames instead of, as my mom so often likes to tell me "sashaying through the house when it's ON FIRE!" However, when the desire to worry does happen to knock me upside the head, it's absolutely debilitating. I'm not used to it and I do. not. like. it. Enter the need to breathe. And to remember who is holding my every single moment in His hands. :takes deep breath: The fact that I'm breathing at all is a testament to His goodness and I'm more thankful for His love than for anything else in my life.

4. Honestly, I have to blast this song on a regular basis:

5. Writing is hard: 

"A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people." -Thomas Mann

AND

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." -Ernest Hemingway

Hemingway is the man. Nailed it. Seriously. 

6. I'm pretty well head-over-heels in love with life.

Yeah. Even the hard stuff. There's a lot of hard stuff. But then, there are some incredibly astounding moments that blow me utterly away! And I'm reminded that this life is really, really, really short. And I'm still really, really, really, young….no, this would NOT be an appropriate time to remind me I'm pushing thirty, thank you very much. Rude :moving on: And as C.S. Lewis said, there are far better things ahead than any we leave behind! Gah! What?! That makes me wanna jump up on this tiny table in this very docile little coffee shop and do my happy dance! But I won't. Because that would be awkward… ;) 

7. I get pissed when people talk about how terrible life is. 

Dude. Have you noticed that the sun ROSE this morning? That alone makes your life pretty dang awesome. Talk to me about how dreadful it is when it falls out of the sky. Actually, I'll volunteer that statement myself at that point…..

8. I am fascinated by people. 

I think they're awesome. Even when they're talking to me about how terrible their life is. Because I do it too. And in those moments I need someone to slap me and tell me to GET A GRIP! Sometimes, I have to do it for whomever too;) 

9. Sometimes I put a pillow over my face a scream as loud as I can. 

It helps. Try it:) 

10. Occasionally I swear. 

And then I feel bad. And drink too much coffee. Yeah, whatever…don't get all offended, you KNOW you do it too;) 

11. I need Jesus. I NEED JESUS. 

12. Have a great weekend!!!

THE END.

an adventure and what the heck i'm doing.

 (to whomever took this lovely picture, it's wonderful! but I do not know who took it;) )

I am buried within a very big city. 

Honestly, since the morning I found my eyes opening from sleep here, the only consistent thing that's gone through my mind is, what. am. I. doing.? Where am I? Did I hear the Lord right? Did I do the right thing?!?! :freaks out:

:deep breath: 

Honestly, part of me craves this kind of thing. The "moving without knowing anyone, never having been here, I have no idea how to drive in this place, what's the deal with all this traffic, whoooooa" kind of thing. Yeah, that kind of thing. There is this insatiable hunger deep within me to be fluid, moving, listening, always ready to answer the Call of the One whose voice I'm learning to tune into before all other sounds. It's that whisper that comes in the deep of the night, that clarity that is present in the morning, that deep contentment that only comes from doing what you know you should. It's all of this and more. 

I have no idea what's going to happen on this new adventure. People keep asking me how it's all going. What I'm doing. But no, really, how's it going? Well, since you asked, do you really want to know? Ok, here's the answer: it's going exactly the way it's supposed to. I moved. I left all my friends. Why? Because, I heard His call with absolute clarity. Is it different than what I thought it'd be? Absolutely. Is that a bad thing? No! Why? Because, it is not about the outcome. It's about the journey. 

I have done a lot of things in my life so far. One of those included working for an amazing ministry a few years ago and in order to do that, I had to leave everything, move to a place where I knew no one, and completely step out in faith. It was the most wonderful experience I've ever had…walking without any idea of what would happen next, just knowing that He had called and so I was answering. When the time came to leave, however, I fought it. I fought it with every fiber of my being. I kicked and screamed and told God that His plan was clearly going awry and I could take it from there. Bad idea. Instead of letting go, I clutched everything even tighter to myself and so, He had to pry my hands open. In His wisdom He gently whispered, "If your eyes are focused more on the ministry, if your identity is built on that instead of me, I will remove what I have to in order to have you redirect your eyes to me. And I will teach you who you are in me alone." 

Whew. 

Do you know what happened next? I left in a way that was extremely hard and everyone in my life at the time who had not wanted me to be there in the first place were able to say, see, we told you so. 

And then. And then, and then. Oh my, the pain and hurt were indescribable…but, do you know what I learned? Truly, He is faithful. He is good. He is the master of bringing forth beauty from ashes. I was completely shattered in order to be built back stronger. In order to know who I am. In order to truly see that nothing but being close to Him matters. To learn that this life is not about what we think the outcome should be. It's about the daily steps. The walking forward. The moving and breathing and knowing in whom we trust. So, what looked to be a failure to so many, was in fact, the most amazing, hurtful, beautiful, terrifying, wonderful lesson I have ever learned. And, if I had to go back and do it all over again, I can now say from the inner most part of my soul, I would not even hesitate. For I learned to love deeper, forgive greater, have grace abound, and admit when I am wrong. I learned to let go of false humility and to be transparent.  Tell me, how does that equal failure? I can't help but smile at the goodness of my God allowing all of this to mold me into who I am now. Still far from being who He sees at the end, but slowly, I am being made into what He would have me be. 

So, here I am again. At the beginning of a new adventure:) What are my expectations? I expect that this will look exactly like what He wants it to. I expect that because I am a royal child of the King, He will draw me closer to Him. I expect that I will meet and fall in love with many, many wonderful people on this journey. I expect that I will love more deeply those I already do. I expect that beyond all I could ever imagine, He is doing far greater things than this. This is what I expect. 

Ok, now the fun part!!! For all of my wonderful readers out there, just in case you're wondering what the HECK I'm doing, please click HERE. Yep, go ahead and click there first, then, after you've checked out the website, come back and finish reading:) 

RIGHT?!?! I know! Pretty cool! I'm kinda beyond stoked about it all. If this lights your heart on fire, if you have any questions, if you just wanna know more, please feel free to email me at jade@camp-royal.com. I would love to hear from you. I am currently heading up our prayer team as this amazing ministry begins, so if you feel the Spirit leading you to pray for us as we head into battle for this young generation, email me! Gosh, do you know just HOW MUCH I'd love to have you fighting alongside us? If you feel the Spirit lead to give financially, you can scroll to the bottom of our home page, right below our video and click on the big, red, DONATE button:) 

If you haven't actually made it to the bottom of the page and haven't watched the video yet, you can watch it HERE! I'm pretty dang proud of it, so let me know in the comments section what you think, and please share it! Also, I do some blogging on website blog, so if you want to see a little different writing style from me, check it out HERE:) 

This is it. This is the new adventure. Nope, I don't know how long I'll be in Dallas. Nope I don't know what it will all look like. What do I know? I know I'm called here for such a time as this. I know I will stay as long as He wants me to. I know I am incredibly honored to be a part of what He's doing, no matter what it looks like. AND to borrow directly from our website:

YOU ARE ROYALTY!

...YOU ARE A CHOSEN PEOPLE, SET ASIDE TO BE A ROYAL ORDER OF PRIESTS, A HOLY NATION, GOD'S OWN; SO THAT YOU MAY PROCLAIM THE WONDROUS ACTS OF THE ONE WHO CALLED YOU OUT OF INKY DARKNESS INTO SIMMERING LIGHT. -1 PETER 2:9

IF YOU HAVE ACCEPTED HIS LOVE AND INVITATION,

THEN DARE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE ACCEPTED AT THE THRONE OF GOD.

DARE TO BELIEVE YOU ARE ROYALTY.

PUT ON THE ROYAL ROBES OF RIGHTEOUSNESS

THE KING DELIGHTS TO HONOR YOU!

days like pearls.

(not my image)

"And kid, you've got to love yourself. You've got to wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You've got to sit next to the man at the train station who's reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You've got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you've got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You've got to stop taking everything so personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You've got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid july. You've got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won't matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You've go to stop worrying about what you're going to tell her when she finds out. You've got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You've got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Love yourself, kiddo. You've got to love yourself."

Oh. My. Goodness. Seriously. I wish I'd written this. I wish I had thought of this in the early light of morning or the deepness of the night. Things like this, words like these, hearts and souls and the humans who possess them, they touch that inner most well within my own soul.

Words like these inspire me to be…more. To take a long hard look at life and remember that those ordinary moments that we let slip by, those are the ones that hold the most depth. Those days that slip off the string of life like pearls falling gently from their strand, bouncing and rolling away here and there, forgotten under the dresser or rug or bed where we left them, these are the ones that one day, bending down low, we suddenly find and remember like a treasure.

Days like pearls. Beautiful and still, quiet and exquisite, playing out to the song we are choosing to dance. Days filled to overflowing with people, lives intersecting with our own, strung together with meaning and purpose. Perhaps the meaning came in sitting in that one coffee shop, catching your eye, a smile gently playing across your mouth…connecting the string of your life with mine. I don't know your name and you don't know mine, but there it is, just like that. You are, for a moment, silently dancing with my life and I with yours. The song slows as you look up again and now the dance glides to the smile I send back your way.

Days like pearls slipping off their strand. Laughter bubbles from her little body. She looks over at me, gently waving her pudgy little hand, brown curls bouncing up and down with every movement. Blue eyes light up her entire body as she looks at me, waiting for me to take her wave and send it back. I pick up this moment, take in her innocent face trusting that I can do nothing but respond to her and dance out this span of time we are connected in. The song plays sweet and clear as we each dance with the other, squinting eyes and smiling big, beauty spilling from the innocent to the adult she has captured. My heart overflows. And her mama gently takes her hand as she bounces away to dance with others.

The string is strung. Our days are connected. The song is playing, unique to each of our lives. How will our strand connect with those He has placed before us today? Even for the briefest of moments…how will we choose to dance with those around us?

For we are not the moon kissing the black sky. We are human. We are ordinary. We are beautiful. There is a depth we carry, a well deep within us. So, tell him that his eyes remind you of green swimming pools in the middle of July. Tell her the freckles sprinkled across her nose are enchanting. Step outside tonight, take a deep breath, and look up at the stars. They are kissing the black sky. You are not. You are dancing out these moments under their light to the song you have been given. So take your strand of pearls and hold them close. Look at the ordinary, invaluable days you've been given and love them. And above all else, connect your strand with the stranger in the coffee shop, with the baby girl that smiles your way, with the older gentleman sitting on the park bench, or the woman behind the counter in your favorite cafe. These people, these moments, they are always worth it. 

of a 10 year plan, irony, and the bottom line.

(nope, not my picture…someone send me a nice camera and I'll start taking my own;) )

I got to talk to one of my best girls last night about life, writing, business, and just stuff in general. This girl seriously brings me back down to earth and I'm SO incredibly thankful for her no bs outlook on this thing we call life. I can get so caught up in the everyday moments (which is definitely not a bad thing) that I appreciate people who can help me take a step back and suck in a deep breath. She does that.

She asked me an important question, however. One that got me to thinking about you. Yeah, you reading my blog right now. She asked me where I saw all of this going, what I was aiming for in 10 years with my blog and writing. Ha! Ironic seeing how I just confessed to not having a 10 year plan yesterday, right? So, I took a second to think about how I haven't actually made a 10 year plan (again) and then it dawned on me: I know exactly what I want to happen with my writing. I know exactly where I want it to go. Whoa. That was kind of a shocking realization! Thing was, I didn't really even have to think…I just knew.

Here it is: I want to relate to you. I want you to escape to my posts each week and feel like you and I are sitting across from each other grabbing coffee. I want to talk to you. To truly see you. Honestly, when I think about that, I'm so passionate about it that it makes me want to cry. Because, even if I don't literally have you in front of me, you can find in my writing something that absolutely speaks into your life. Whether it's about being single, being in a relationship that sucks (yep, been there too), family stuff, or those amazing moments that light up your day or my day, that's what I want you to hear. Maybe it's about how incredible this God I love so much is, or how I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through the next week. Whatever your season, whatever your current life situation, that's what I long for. To reach across this space between us and somehow put my arms around you with what I'm saying. To put my hands on your shoulders, look into your eyes, and let you know that you. are. not. alone. That you are validated. I have craved that and not received it in my own life, so I know what that longing looks like. I have been invisible and so this too I understand first hand. And then, I have been truly seen by others in my life and that moment is truly incredible! When someone can speak into your life and go, hey, I get this, you aren't alone because I get this. You aren't alone because let me tell you about this God that loves you so much. You aren't alone because no matter who you are, we are all in this thing called life together. So, you are not alone.

That's my 10 year plan. That's my 10 year plan if I never make a single dime off of writing ever. The bottom line is, you are my audience because you chose to be here and because you chose me. The bottom line is, you are my priority. You are allowing me to come into your life, to give me a chance to talk to you, and that means more than absolutely anything else in my writing. Nope, I'm not always gonna say things you wanna hear. I pray I don't always. I pray you can escape here, but that you are stretched and moved by the One who has given me the words to write. Because, if we were sitting in a coffee shop across from each other, the bottom line is, I'd always be honest with you. So, I want to do the same here. For you to know that I'm never going to write something that I don't absolutely believe.

Oh, and by the way, this is. not. a. highlight. reel. Seriously. I am not interested in you thinking that somehow my life is magically easier than yours because I've found the formula to make it so. No matter who we are, life in general is amazing and wonderful and beautiful and terrible and hard and worth every single moment we are given. Bottom line.

So, let's be real. Let's be transparent. Let's be exactly who we were created to be. You are a royal child of the King of Kings! Let's start living that way. And thank you. Thank you for choosing to read the words of a woman who is desperate for her God, who is desperate for His kids to know how beautiful they are to Him, and who cares about you. Because you are worth being loved and seen and known.

"But you are a CHOSEN RACE, a ROYAL PRIESTHOOD, a HOLY NATION, a PEOPLE FOR God's OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; for you once were not a people, but now you are THE PEOPLE OF GOD; you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy."  -1 Peter 2:9,10

scars, flaws, and people.

Amazing how the words would simply spill out after all this time. Where there was once a dam, now the water runs clear and cool and sweet. As if the letters, the very words were dancing, and where there was pain now there is joy. Freedom. Light. The days are quickly slipping by, but once again they are beginning to fill with the Call that was heard and answered long ago. This time, however, it is answered with scars carried proudly. Scars that are gladly born, scars that proved to teach and strengthen, scars that once I would have cast off, but now I am more thankful for far more than anything else in my life. I am a product of grace. What I carry is a product of His grace as well. And I am thankful for a love that is not easy, a love that looks at me and loves me enough to allow pain and heartbreak in order to strip away what needs to be gone, only to give back in an even greater measure all that is for my good! This is grace. I am a product of it and I am filled with more joy than I will ever be able to express because of this.

Cast off is the need to seem perfect, without flaws. It's the craziest thing when we try to act like we've got it all together. That's not life. Life isn't perfect. Jesus is perfect. Life definitely is not perfect. At all. And I'm learning to embrace the craziness that life is, the wonderful, beautiful, imperfect way that life is. It's made all the more beautiful for being full to overflowing with flaws! Flaws keep it all interesting, they keep people interesting.

And if you meet someone who would have you think they don't have any, well, it's kinda creepy. You know the person I'm talking about. The one whom you question to be human, whose tone is always perfect, never getting upset about anything, never showing frustration at all…ever…the one who is absolutely 100% unrelatable and unattainable. It makes us uncomfortable because, at the end of the day, we KNOW we've ALL got some major flaws going on. Then, you meet that person who is transparent, who doesn't act like they've got it all together, who admits to struggling with whatever and then have the most amazing advice on how to get beyond the struggles, beyond the frustrations that this life holds and it's like you've had a breath of fresh air in your lungs! Here is someone whom you can look at and relate to! This is the kind of person that does not stop at telling you about how, yeah, they're not perfect, but constantly reminds you that Jesus is and they are His child, and so through Him have the victory. They don't accept that you have flaws and you can just stay right there and not do anything about them. No! They tell you to get your butt up and RUN to the Living God as fast as your feet will carry you because nothing else will ever make a difference or satisfy your longings.

These people are rare and far between I'm finding. So, if I happen to come across them, I hold on for dear life because they are the ones that I treasure to tell me when I'm not doing what I should and who praise me when I am. They are the ones who validate the way I'm feeling and then firmly let me know that feelings are not to be relied upon or used as an excuse to dictate my feelings. They are the ones who hug me tight and then turn me around and shove me in the direction I need to be going. They are valuable because they know that the struggle is real, but He is greater still. Far greater than anything I would complain about, far greater than any flaw or struggle. They are valuable because, at the end of our talk or time together, I want even more of Jesus and always leave with my eyes on Him.

Yes, we all carry scars and we are flawed. But, the greater reality is that beyond all of this, we are children of the King of Kings. He bought us with a price and we are His. So, let's start living like this is who we are! We are royal and worthy of Jesus, because He has made us new. 

Carry your scars proudly, but at the end of the day, be the one who is transparent. Do not let the scars and flaws dictate who you are, but don't deny that they are there. Be transparent in a way that shows exactly who you are in Him.

"And praise the name of the Lord your God, Who has dealt wondrously with you; Then My people will never be put to shame." -Joel 2:26

of ordinary moments, being 28 years old, and what i've learned.

(this is not my photo and I take no credit for it.)

It's waking up to a cloudy morning, gently allowing drops to fall from a deep gray sky. It's having perfect quiet, gentle music floating through the air and hot coffee slowly being sipped. It's listening to birds sing their rainy song through windows. It's all of this. Breathe in. Breathe out. Life is busy, but it is this, moments like these, where it slows as if someone has hit the pause button. So pause. This is beautiful. Ordinary and easily missed, but these moments, they are what make up the everyday fabric of our lives.

I am 28 years old. Yeah. 28. Not really sure how that happened so fast. It's been an interesting journey to be in my late 20s. In a world that has shifted to marriage and babies (gosh I love those babies my friends have brought me) and buying homes and minivans, I am 28, single, and certainly have no babies of my own. In a world of grown-up jobs and ten year plans, of master degrees and 401Ks, I have not accomplished any of this. In fact, for the last couple years the consistent thought that has gone through my head is, "What are you DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?" Seriously. I have questioned every single part of how I'm doing this thing called life, picking it up and examining it with a magnifying glass on a regular basis. I have felt panic sweep through me at the thought that others probably look at me and first off feel pity and then wonder what the heck I'm doing with my life as well. That has happened a lot. I have worried and brainstormed how to do "it" better. How to become successful in a grown-up world that has no tolerance for day dreaming.

Then, it occurred to me. I am 28 years old. Yeah. And on top of that I'm single. Oh, AND I come from the South…y'all, this simply is NOT how things are done here;) I am defying everything that I "should" be doing at the current moment. And you know what? At 28 years old, I have had a shocking realization: the people whose opinions I was concerned about were people whose lives I'd never want to begin with.

That's some serious irony right there.

I also realized a few other things. I might be single, but can I lay something to rest for those of you who are wondering? I. AM. HAPPY. Shocking, I know. I mean, how can someone this age be truly happy without being in a relationship, right? Wrong. I would like to be the voice for a moment for all those women out there who are 26-40 and still single: Being in a relationship is NOT what drives our every waking moment. In fact I'd venture to say (and yes there is always the exception to the rule) that you reminding us frequently of how we "might" be happy, but "you've got this one
cousin/brother/friend/friend of a friend's godson's cousin who's twice removed/ random person" who we'd just love is not, in fact, helpful at all. Here's a mind blowing thought. God is still God. God is God just as much in your late twenties to thirties as He was in your late teens to early twenties. God is God. He's still holding us and He's still writing our stories! It makes me literally want to scream and pull my hair out every time someone says to me, 'Oh honey, well, He's got someone out there for you…somewhere."

I'm sorry to burst your bubble here, but You do not know this.

Here's the thing. Whether the Lord has someone out there for me or not, that is not the point. I can promise you that by 28, those of us who are still single have realized that 1) no man is worth settling for and 2) we honestly don't have the time to think about it, let alone freak out about it! But, you reminding me (I'll just speak for myself in this) frequently that this unknown super man just might be out there for me, well, for a split second all those doubts and worries, not just about being single, but also about how I've done life in general, come flooding back in and now I'm fighting to push it all away yet again.

I know you are actually doing it because you think it's helpful and more than likely because you love me…or whomever you're aiming that comment at in your life. Do you know how much I appreciate knowing that you love me so much? Seriously! More than likely you're happily married and just want me to be as happy as you are. Please hear my voice in this: thank you for wanting that. There's nothing I love more than seeing two people doing marriage together in the right way! It's honestly one of my favorite things…well, next to snuggling babies. So, this is not me bashing you for wanting me to be happy. That would just be…rude;) However, I'm learning that marriage does not equal happiness. If I'm depending on being happy after I'm married, well, that's a big flashing neon sign to any man who is thinking about pursuing any woman! If I'm not content and happy in my singleness, I sure as heck am not gonna be happy after I get married! It just simply doesn't work that way. Speaking out of no experience (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong) but, I'm pretty sure that marriage only magnifies whatever you were carrying around before you got married…baggage, unhappiness, etc. So, you know what? I'm single at 28 years old and here's the thing: I get more time to practice how to love people the right way.

Not just romantically, I'm talking about realizing that the world does NOT revolve around me, that others are actually far more important than me, that I do not have the right to treat those in my life less than myself. At 28 years old, I have learned that life is hard and beautiful and terrible and wonderful and I get the honor of being single in order to be completely others focused.

At 28 years old, the Lord has seen fit to allow me no distractions. Nothing that will divide my time. I have the chance to be 100% focused on what He's placed before me. I have the incredible honor of truly focusing on cultivating an intimate relationship with my King….whoa. Oh, and by the way, that's pretty dang hard to do in this life. So if you're single and thinking it must be somehow easier for me…nope. Lies. It's HARD. But guess what? It's the ONLY thing that's worth putting all your energy and time into. And guess what happens when you start making Him the priority? Yeah, you realize that being successful and doing life according to how the world has tried to scream at you it should be done, well, that's a complete waste of our lives. 

At 28 years old, I do not have a masters degree, a 401K, a marriage, a house, a baby, or a minivan.  And at 28 years old, I have come to understand that for me, this is not what life holds at this moment. I have come to understand that having mornings doused in rain, hot coffee to sip, words to pen, days of solitude, this is what I've been given for now. I've come to understand that I will probably never be the woman with designer clothes and a bank account that's full. I've come to understand that I may be called to simply love people the right way for the rest of my days, to write and encourage, to lift up those who have the honor of having marriages and kiddos and busy days, to pray for them when their time is nonexistent running here and there and having wonderful lives that are full to overflowing. Because, having all those things that I don't have in my life, for so many people that's exactly what the Lord has called them to.

This is not about being single or being married. It's not about what we have and don't have. It's not about making someone feel less than they are because they are in a different season. It's simply about people. No matter what season we happen to be in.

It's about me looking at you and seeing you. That's what I've come to understand at 28 years old.

We get one shot at this thing called life. We will not walk this way again. Let's do it the right way.