of ordinary moments, being 28 years old, and what i've learned.

(this is not my photo and I take no credit for it.)

It's waking up to a cloudy morning, gently allowing drops to fall from a deep gray sky. It's having perfect quiet, gentle music floating through the air and hot coffee slowly being sipped. It's listening to birds sing their rainy song through windows. It's all of this. Breathe in. Breathe out. Life is busy, but it is this, moments like these, where it slows as if someone has hit the pause button. So pause. This is beautiful. Ordinary and easily missed, but these moments, they are what make up the everyday fabric of our lives.

I am 28 years old. Yeah. 28. Not really sure how that happened so fast. It's been an interesting journey to be in my late 20s. In a world that has shifted to marriage and babies (gosh I love those babies my friends have brought me) and buying homes and minivans, I am 28, single, and certainly have no babies of my own. In a world of grown-up jobs and ten year plans, of master degrees and 401Ks, I have not accomplished any of this. In fact, for the last couple years the consistent thought that has gone through my head is, "What are you DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?" Seriously. I have questioned every single part of how I'm doing this thing called life, picking it up and examining it with a magnifying glass on a regular basis. I have felt panic sweep through me at the thought that others probably look at me and first off feel pity and then wonder what the heck I'm doing with my life as well. That has happened a lot. I have worried and brainstormed how to do "it" better. How to become successful in a grown-up world that has no tolerance for day dreaming.

Then, it occurred to me. I am 28 years old. Yeah. And on top of that I'm single. Oh, AND I come from the South…y'all, this simply is NOT how things are done here;) I am defying everything that I "should" be doing at the current moment. And you know what? At 28 years old, I have had a shocking realization: the people whose opinions I was concerned about were people whose lives I'd never want to begin with.

That's some serious irony right there.

I also realized a few other things. I might be single, but can I lay something to rest for those of you who are wondering? I. AM. HAPPY. Shocking, I know. I mean, how can someone this age be truly happy without being in a relationship, right? Wrong. I would like to be the voice for a moment for all those women out there who are 26-40 and still single: Being in a relationship is NOT what drives our every waking moment. In fact I'd venture to say (and yes there is always the exception to the rule) that you reminding us frequently of how we "might" be happy, but "you've got this one
cousin/brother/friend/friend of a friend's godson's cousin who's twice removed/ random person" who we'd just love is not, in fact, helpful at all. Here's a mind blowing thought. God is still God. God is God just as much in your late twenties to thirties as He was in your late teens to early twenties. God is God. He's still holding us and He's still writing our stories! It makes me literally want to scream and pull my hair out every time someone says to me, 'Oh honey, well, He's got someone out there for you…somewhere."

I'm sorry to burst your bubble here, but You do not know this.

Here's the thing. Whether the Lord has someone out there for me or not, that is not the point. I can promise you that by 28, those of us who are still single have realized that 1) no man is worth settling for and 2) we honestly don't have the time to think about it, let alone freak out about it! But, you reminding me (I'll just speak for myself in this) frequently that this unknown super man just might be out there for me, well, for a split second all those doubts and worries, not just about being single, but also about how I've done life in general, come flooding back in and now I'm fighting to push it all away yet again.

I know you are actually doing it because you think it's helpful and more than likely because you love me…or whomever you're aiming that comment at in your life. Do you know how much I appreciate knowing that you love me so much? Seriously! More than likely you're happily married and just want me to be as happy as you are. Please hear my voice in this: thank you for wanting that. There's nothing I love more than seeing two people doing marriage together in the right way! It's honestly one of my favorite things…well, next to snuggling babies. So, this is not me bashing you for wanting me to be happy. That would just be…rude;) However, I'm learning that marriage does not equal happiness. If I'm depending on being happy after I'm married, well, that's a big flashing neon sign to any man who is thinking about pursuing any woman! If I'm not content and happy in my singleness, I sure as heck am not gonna be happy after I get married! It just simply doesn't work that way. Speaking out of no experience (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong) but, I'm pretty sure that marriage only magnifies whatever you were carrying around before you got married…baggage, unhappiness, etc. So, you know what? I'm single at 28 years old and here's the thing: I get more time to practice how to love people the right way.

Not just romantically, I'm talking about realizing that the world does NOT revolve around me, that others are actually far more important than me, that I do not have the right to treat those in my life less than myself. At 28 years old, I have learned that life is hard and beautiful and terrible and wonderful and I get the honor of being single in order to be completely others focused.

At 28 years old, the Lord has seen fit to allow me no distractions. Nothing that will divide my time. I have the chance to be 100% focused on what He's placed before me. I have the incredible honor of truly focusing on cultivating an intimate relationship with my King….whoa. Oh, and by the way, that's pretty dang hard to do in this life. So if you're single and thinking it must be somehow easier for me…nope. Lies. It's HARD. But guess what? It's the ONLY thing that's worth putting all your energy and time into. And guess what happens when you start making Him the priority? Yeah, you realize that being successful and doing life according to how the world has tried to scream at you it should be done, well, that's a complete waste of our lives. 

At 28 years old, I do not have a masters degree, a 401K, a marriage, a house, a baby, or a minivan.  And at 28 years old, I have come to understand that for me, this is not what life holds at this moment. I have come to understand that having mornings doused in rain, hot coffee to sip, words to pen, days of solitude, this is what I've been given for now. I've come to understand that I will probably never be the woman with designer clothes and a bank account that's full. I've come to understand that I may be called to simply love people the right way for the rest of my days, to write and encourage, to lift up those who have the honor of having marriages and kiddos and busy days, to pray for them when their time is nonexistent running here and there and having wonderful lives that are full to overflowing. Because, having all those things that I don't have in my life, for so many people that's exactly what the Lord has called them to.

This is not about being single or being married. It's not about what we have and don't have. It's not about making someone feel less than they are because they are in a different season. It's simply about people. No matter what season we happen to be in.

It's about me looking at you and seeing you. That's what I've come to understand at 28 years old.

We get one shot at this thing called life. We will not walk this way again. Let's do it the right way.