Sometimes.

So many thoughts. So many things dancing and diving, swirling and spinning. Sometimes I want to borrow trouble, to let what could have been, what could be, the "what ifs" of life, to let myself drown in them. Sometimes I want to run far and deep and long and get lost. Without a name in some distant place. Sometimes life twists in a knife, knowing where the scars lay hidden, pressing down just so, right there, releasing pain that radiates and steals the breaths taken.

Sometimes I want all of this. To bow my head and drown in defeat.

Sometimes.

And then.

Then, I am reminded. Gently, like a whisper through my soul, I am reminded. I hear His voice. There it is, riding on the stars and wind. Striding into the broken places, shining Light through brokenness. I am met where I am, lifted up, bound tight in grace, and poured through with strength and confidence. Lifted head that was bowed is now met by His eyes unwavering...and this is enough.

There are times in my life when I wish I could walk away from this Calling. There are times when I wish I could pretend that my soul doesn't cry out every second of every day to the One who created me. There are times I want to  just...live. Yeah, I have those times. But, and it's a really big BUT, as Jim Elliot said, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." Whew. I want to give all of this life that is so temporal, because...because...I have nothing to lose by giving this one life and I have everything to gain with eternity in sight. I want that. My spirit wants that, but everything in this world screams loud with voices lifted high, that I should give up. That this will never be enough.

The voices lie. I have tasted and seen that He is enough. I have witnessed the faithfulness of my God in the land of the living. I have seen Him prove over and over and over again in my own life, that no matter what comes, no matter the pain, there is still joy that runs deep beyond all of this. There is a gold cord that testifies to joy unending despite all this world can create.

I am one woman, and I am no one really. I am small and insignificant. Or so I've believed most of my life. However, I now know this too is a lie the enemy would use to keep me still and silent. Yes, I am only one woman, but the very breath of the Living God abides in these lungs inside my chest, the very blood of His son flows through my veins, and I am His daughter!

And you see, I have found my voice. So, while this world is plunging in the knife, pressing down on scars, letting pain flow, I would lift this voice high and proclaim: I have seen the goodness, the faithfulness, the joy, the great love, the astounding strength and power of the Lord in this place. I have caught a glimpse of the face of Jesus, and while I am waiting, longing, to see Him face to face, may this one life of this one woman be spent in whatever way He sees fit. Because He is enough. He is always enough.

No borrowing trouble, no giving up, no bowing in defeat, oh child of the Living God. You are His. Yes you, the one reading these words in this moment. I know you are no different than me. You carry scars, you have pain snaking through your life, you hear the voice in your soul telling you your God is not enough. None of that, oh Child of the Living God. You have His voice abiding in your soul, so lift it up to fulfill the Call that has been placed upon your life, whatever that may be. He is faithful. And you...you are so greatly loved by Him.