this and that.

i have felt it for most of my womanhood
the pressure that wells and demands to be felt
the pressure that comes from a society deeming a woman beautiful
too beautiful to be with this man because he is not your equal in face or body
but not beautiful enough to be with that man
because you will not be able to keep him
that man will leave and cheat and break your heart into a million pieces
and they will shatter like broken glass
left scattered across the floor of your soul

but you see this man over here
you will grow tired of him yourself because your face and body outshine
they eclipse all substance
they have no thought for what is deep or good or true
and this is somehow our fault as women
with faces too beautiful to attain our equal
but not deep enough to hold that which matches our soul

and i am left between being damned either way
choose wisely the voices whisper
choose what is perfect in our eyes
but no matter what you choose
you will never be right
you will never satisfy what we demand

so the choice is left to me in the end
with the illusion being it was never mine to begin with
never mine to know what i would seek if left to my own devices
if left out of the brainwashing and trend setting
if left out of the cookie cutter madness that teaches us what is attractive
but the voices still tell me i may choose a cookie
reach your had in the cookie jar
as long as it is our doing that caused the drawing out

and i believe for a moment the lie and reach my hand in grasping
until i remember i do not have to choose
damn the voices and damn their demands
i am unto myself happy in where i stand
cookieless, with what they tell me is a pretty face
and a soul too deep to buy into the lie that my face will last
for i know this to not be true
so let me stand alone
rebelling against what you say i must choose

tell me i must choose a man to be happy
and i will show you a life content in where it is
happy to be alive, breathing the sweet and wild air given
tell me i must make a choice and be damned either way
and i will show you a choice does not have to be made

life must simply be lived
moment by moment
one foot in front of the other
one step taken at a time