change, struggles, and love.

I haven't written in a year, hence, it is highly possible that my posting will be a bit more frequent in the coming days than is normal. You see, though my thoughts are rusty and do not come out with the ease that they did then, the more I write, the more I think about life in the context of words written once again, the more the thoughts become oiled and perhaps...at some point in the future...they'll once again be a well oiled machine. For now, what you're getting are very stiff and disjointed thoughts...please bear with me until further notice...actually, you'll notice as they become less disjointed, I'm sure.

Also, what I wrote about then may differ a good bit from what I write about now. Life does that to a writer. Time does that. Experience does that. And what was is not, and some that was still is....but, the greatest change seems to be, well, change.Change.....the only constant thing in this life. I've thought about it much in the months between all that was there and all that is here. Reliable, consistent, unchanging, change. Yes, it came and took away what I thought would always be...which is a very naive way to view life. I was naive. And it was not just one thing in particular that changed, but everything. I changed the most of all.

It's terrifying to have all of that happen at once and there's nothing so far that I can compare to it in my life. The world tilted on its axis and when it righted itself again, I stood somewhere I'd never stood before. So, what is one to do? The only thing you can, I suppose. You look around at the change, perhaps struggle through the getting used to it, and then you either change for the better and allow what is being worked in you to actually work, or you don't. There really is only one of two things to choose from. I chose to let it all be worked in me. I chose to allow my God to have His way, though I struggled...a lot...and in the end found that what had changed in me was far better to what I had been before. But, ouch. Ouch!! It's never painless, He never promises a life free of pain or hard stuff or struggles. He promises that He'll be there with us every single step of the journey, but there is pain. Always.Yet, He knows this and understands it far better than we do. So, He can with a full understanding of what we're struggling with, lean down, take our face between His hands, and while gazing into our eyes with perfect confidence say, "Do you know how much I love you? Do you understand that this is all about the journey you and I are on, and though it hurts at times, I will work all the pain you are feeling now to My glory, if you will allow me to? Because I love you, and I will do whatever it takes to bring you to the place where you and I are all that matter in your life."

And I can say with perfect confidence, when you hear these words echo through your heart, whispered by your God who loves you more than you can imagine, you will  know with every single fiber of your being that, beyond the pain, beyond the wondering if you can make it, beyond that place where you think you can't take another breath, beyond all this is a place of beauty like you have never known. He LOVES you. He LOVES you. HE LOVES YOU! Take heart, because He loves you...