clouds and questions and answers in the sky.

Clouds hang low and dark in the overcast sky. Crying tears from their depths as the wind dances through, catching up all the tears and sweeping them through the increasingly wet air. And I smile. For the sky in all its forms, no matter if it holds the golden warmth of a smiling sun, the beauty of a milky moon, stars laughing in all their beauty, or the deep seriousness that comes with the heavy gray clouds now filling it, despite what it holds, I love it in all its forms. I love waiting to see what it will hold, waking up before the day has broken, before it has chosen which picture it will present to my little corner of the world for a particular day. 

In the deep of what this sky over me holds, I can see, though rarely grasp, the answers that have and will and are yet to come. For all the ages that have waltzed by, this canvass spread vast and uninhibited above has been the silent witness to it all. Bearing with humanity, shining in all its glory, sending stars to guide men who were wise to a baby unknown, shedding tears over the baby who grew to a man and hung beneath the sorrow of the witness He created, and at the end and beginning of an age, taking into its depths the man who went into the deep of the earth so that He could arise from the deep and be taken above into the depths of this sky who watched all His moments. Still, this witness that hangs above me this day watches all things. Watching and waiting…always waiting, until the day it will be rolled back as a scroll and the end of one age and beginning of time unending will be wrought into being. 

This is what I see and feel as I sit under this deep gray canvas. The reality of what has been done under the sphere stretched over me weighs heavy. And I think of the One who dresses the heavens, who places the clouds, shines forth from the stars, and would gently cup my face with the warmth of the sun created for such a task. I think of Him and how He watched and formed and created and loved it all too much to force His perfect will but instead, offered a choice. For He desires my love above blind obedience. So, He left the choice and did not beg or plead, threaten or scream but, simply loved what He could not help loving with all His heart. And the thought is too much for me to grasp....too hard for me to attain. All I know is that I am surrounded each moment of every day, with each breath that I breathe, by a love I will never understand for all the seconds I am blessed with under the sky He has placed above me. This is what I know. 

There are so many things I have questioned in this life. So many unanswered questions I have sought answers for. Yet, in the end, when the questions have stilled and the answers have come, (or not come) I am slowly learning that though I may find answers or not, He is the answer to all I have questioned. Beyond who I am, beyond who I will become, He is there. Ever the same. Unmoving. Never changing. And this is the answer to every question I will ever have on this earth. Him. The words of a song I have played over and over again the last few weeks seem to fill the moments I breathe in now:

You are greater

Greater than the fight

That rages for my life

I have found my rest is in you

You are brighter

Breaking through the night

Lighting up my sight

I have seen my rest is in You.

Beyond all else, every single moment I do not believe I can take another step, still He is there and greater than all else. Greater than all my soul would believe can vanquish it. This is what I know. This is all I need to know. Though I may not always feel it, I know it. In these thoughts, in this knowledge, the joy is overwhelming. The love is all consuming. Our God is beautiful beyond all description. In this, I would let go of me and take hold of Him, because He is the center of it all. The source of life, the hope of glory, and this is where every question fades away, consumed by all that He is. 

© Jade Valcarcel 2012. All rights reserved