what a heart yearns for.

(written to this.)

The house is still in the dark of the night. A warm fire glows from the depths of the wood stove, its fan gently humming out the warmth within. An overstuffed and wide couch envelops me as I sit here, tucked away in this beautiful mountain home, in the middle of a little valley, hidden away somewhere near Estes Park. To me, in this moment, this feels like the most safe place in the entire world. For here, with this family that I so dearly love, I have always felt at home, loved, pushed ever deeper into my Savior, and life simply makes sense when I'm with them. Not that I have any more answers than I do outside of here, because I don't, but I am certain that my God truly has every step planned, every moment scripted in a deeper way when I'm here simply, because I am pushed closer to Him by their lives. And being pushed ever deeper into Him is the key to a life that makes sense. No, it does not make sense to most of the world, but then, I'm not worried what the world thinks or has to say about this life He has given me. I am highly concerned that I truly know Him, however, for His opinion is the only one that my soul seeks approval from.

Stars peek out from the black canvass above me and somewhere, out in the dark beyond the glass that separates us, the moon has risen to faithfully witness once again the stage on which we preform our lives. Thoughts swirl and dance about, above and around me, edging closer and darting back again. So many things to think of, so many ideas to capture, yet always being given the words by the One who owns my heart.

I think of you reading this. I wonder where you are and what you might be doing in this moment...what lead you to stop and read this little post of mine in the deep of the night. Sitting here, snug and cozy in the glow of the fire, I've been reading Elisabeth Elliot's "Let Me Be A Woman" and though I've read much of her writing, it's been a while since I've picked up one of her books. Once again I'm hit by her simple, beautiful, straight forward (very straight forward at times) writing. Thoughts have come and gone the past few days, of being single, of being a woman of twenty-seven (gulp) and not looking at this fact as something terrible, but as a beautiful gift from Him....for that's exactly what it is. I suppose then, this particular post is more to you if you are single, for my heart beats for those who are and find it dreadful and wish above all else that Prince Charming would simply hurry up and get here already (or that they would stumble upon Snow White, depending on what gender you happen to be). Man, let me just lay it all out there right now and say that waiting is hard. One of the hardest things you'll ever do...yet, because I know how that feels, and because I know exactly how terrible focusing on the waiting alone can be, I can also say that Jesus has so much in store for your life. 

I say it often...probably in every post I write...but, it is what I cling to with every fiber of my being each and every day I draw breath: simply gaze into His eyes. If you are single, think about viewing it not as a time of torture where you're waiting for life to begin. NO! Your life has already begun. You are not waiting for life to start when you meet the perfect person (which, by the way, they won't be perfect, but they will be perfect for you...just saying;-) but, instead live your life to the utmost, view it as a gift from Him, a precious gift of time He has given to simply gaze into His eyes alone, live unto His highest and watch and see the faithfulness of your God! For oh, how He loves you, how He longs to be the one to completely fulfill you. So often we think when we're single that, as soon as we meet "the one" we will suddenly be fulfilled, get married, stay fulfilled by this wonderful person we've married, and live happily ever after. Yeah....right. I'm not sure what gives us the impression that, if we are not fulfilled before we're married, we'll magically be fulfilled afterwards. What an unfair expectation to place on our poor spouse!!! And what a wonderful time, right now while we're single, to learn to be completely and utterly filled to overflowing with the only One who can truly fulfill our heart and soul. For He is the only One who will continue to fulfill us completely after we're married as well.

Yet, the waiting is still hard. Probably one of the hardest things we'll ever do. Every single thing in this world and especially in our society is screaming at us that we should focus on anything else while we're single besides His gaze. Fill yourself up with dating as many people as you can, with parties, drinking, anything, everything, everything but that which actually makes a difference. Let Him make a difference. And though you will have days that are terrible, where you're utterly convinced you'll never find the person you're suppose to be with, where you'll want to throw yourself onto the floor in a fit of drama...;-)....run to Him on those days, seek Him with your entire being, for if you do, you can have absolute perfect confidence that He will be faithful. For He created the heart that beats within your chest and He knows what you want, but more than that, He knows what you need. And if He is the giver, the gifts, desires, desires changed or taken away, it is all perfect and more wonderful than you will ever be able to imagine. How He delights to give His children the desires of the heart He created in them, when we are seeking Him with that whole heart.

Don't mistake me and believe that I have mastered my emotions enough to not have days that are hard...yeah, that's so not true. I still have days when doubt creeps in....however, I know exactly where to take this doubt, to run as fast as I can to His feet and fight with everything in me to cast it away. Whew, what a battle I have to wage against it so often! Yet, still He is faithful to stand and fight with me, assuring me that no matter what happens, He will fulfill me in ways I can never imagine, and that has nothing to do with being single. For I am convinced that, for myself, finding a husband truly isn't the answer, it's not really what my heart is longing for, though my heart often tries to convince me that this is the one and only thing it wants. No, the longing I feel deep within the recesses of this heart of mine are simply a longing for more and more of Jesus. And when I seek Him with all that I have within me, there is a joy that passes all understanding, a fulfillment only He can give, and a life that is abundant beyond all measure. For He. Is. Faithful. In all things.

I'm not pretending to have some secret formula to the waiting...except I have known what it is to make it terrible, and now, though in some ways it is harder than its ever been before, it has become a gift from Him. No longer a burden, but a time of drawing closer and closer unto my God, knowing that, even if His plan does not include a Robin Hood to walk out these days with me (yeah, I'm so not into Prince Charming, give me a guy who will give his very life for the least of these, living as an outlaw for the honor of his King over a guy who would try to sweep me away to some castle) He will take away this desire and fulfill me with something even more wonderful. For He is all I need. Period. And so, though I have never felt the urge to write about being single before, here it is in the deep of this night, and I am confident that you need it here, right now, in this very moment. To know how much Yeshua loves you, how He is seeking your heart, and it is because of this great love that He has you single in this season for His alone. Know that truly, though it is hard, the waiting is the greatest gift He will give you, for it's preparing you for all He has planned for this wonderuful life He has given you.

Know, oh child of God, that you are loved by One who is everything you've ever dreamed of and oh, so much more.

© Jade Valcarcel 2013. All rights reserved