nonsense.

In light of all the nonsense I'm seeing on FaceBook, this is all I have to say. I do not agree with Rick Warren on many, many things, but he is absolutely right on with this quote: 

“Our culture has accepted two huge 

lies. The first is that if you disagree 

with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear  

or hate them. The second is that to 

love someone means you agree with 

everything they believe or do. Both are 

nonsense. You don’t have to 

compromise convictions to be 

compassionate.”

Passion 2012 - Full Freedom Film (1-4)

And my heart breaks into a million pieces, for we turn our faces away from those whom His heart would save. By our indifference we have kept them in slavery. Body of Christ, WE are His hands and feet! Father, break our hearts so completely that it moves your hands and feet within us...

thoughts in flight.

I'm currently typing out a dance across these keys from 30,000 feet in the air. Soaring above the ground below, I'm leaving behind my beautiful mountains for a short time away in warmer weather. A bit worse for wear, I'm wondering why in the world I thought it was a good idea to book a flight out of an airport that is three hours from where I live, at 6:30am?! You know how, when you have an early morning flight and you're so worried about oversleeping, you wake up every half hour of the three and a half hours of sleep you're actually getting to frantically grab your phone, blinding yourself with the light that pops cheerily onto the screen, to see if you've overslept?  Yeah. And to top it all off, can I just state that the two drops of coffee the airline so generously provides does not suffice! Eck. I feel like I've been stuffed into a washing machine on the spin cycle and hung out to dry. True Story ;) 

However, despite the fact that I can't wait to simply arrive at my destination and that I'm being somewhat…ok, fine, a lot dramatic (hey, it feels totally justified in this moment)…I have to say, it is a beautiful morning and I am so amazingly blessed it astounds me :) 

The lyrics of the song "Jesus, I Am Resting" float through my head phones (appropriate) and there is peace despite the fact I feel a bit fuzzy (haven't had enough coffee yet) and disjointed. I went to a concert at my church a couple months ago where Brandon Heath, Matt Wertz, and Steve Moakler did an amazing and intimate time of music and worship. I know Brandon and Matt's music well and I am a huge fan of both, but I'd never heard of Steve, let alone heard any of his music. Wow. He was incredible! And he sang a song about having "cadillac problems" meaning, what we think is a huge problem or what we tend to make a big deal, actually isn't. Most of the time the "problems" we have are blessings we can't even see. Like the fact that, though this morning wasn't exactly pleasant, I am sitting on an airplane, typing out a blog post on my MacBook Pro (no, I could not have even begun to afford this computer, yet I serve a really amazing God who provided it), going to spend time with dear friends, and generally, the fact that I didn't sleep well in my nice warm bed and that I'm tired because I haven't had enough coffee are not problems. At all. And every single time I'm tempted to complain about something like this, the lyrics from Steve's song come floating in and the Lord uses it as a gentle reminder that I am incredibly blessed beyond all reasoning. Though I don't think you'll ever read this Steve, here's a HUGE thank you for that song! Jesus is really using it in my life to remind me that I have so many blessings, even when the blessings (like a car that sometimes breaks down…a CAR….most of the world doesn't even own a car!) feel like they're a big pain. They're not. They're "cadillac problems" and I'm so thankful for them. 

AND…here it comes, you knew I was going to make a plug somewhere;)…. all of my readers need to check out Steve Moakler's music!!! You will love this guy! Also, Matt Wertz is one of my all time favorite singer/song writers and if you don't know him, you MUST go right this minute and look his music up. Seriously, stop reading and go listen to him! Brandon, dude, your songs are like every other song on K-LOVE, so I don't really think you need any mention from me ;) However, just in case you're living under a rock, Brandon Heath is incredible! So yeah, definitely check his music out too if you haven't.

I'm currently flying over Minneapolis…the window painting a picture of a toy world below made of geometric shapes, miniature cars, houses, and trees. Snow covers everything, like powdered sugar on a sheet cake. 

I haven't written enough lately. So many changes, so many prayers flowing what feels like every minute of every day to my Father above. Ever learning that waiting on Him is not doing nothing, but doing the one thing that molds my heart and soul into what He would have them be. Learning with every passing day that, no matter how things look, no matter if the situation looks like nothing's happening...especially when it looks like nothing's happening, that He is ever working in that which I cannot see…and trusting all I desire to Him is the most valuable lesson of all. For more than what I want, He knows what I need, and this is what I would have most. Not my own way, but His. 

Choices are coming, decisions will have to be made, and my soul cries out, "Father, make them for me! The choice lies with you!" For my life is not my own, it is His to do with as He will. There is a beautiful comfort and certainty in knowing that He will choose and lay out the path before my feet…and yet, there is an uncertainty which the world screams about as loud as it can…what if? What if this time He doesn't come through? What if you are left alone, all desires taken and none fulfilled? 

All I can do is smile. I have heard the doubts before, the same lies have been presented, and I feel as if the enemy is running out of material. Usually, it's the same material, the same lies, just packaged to neatly meet wherever we currently are, whatever we're struggling with. Still, they are lies and as far from the truth as we can possibly get! Not come through?! There has never been a single situation in my life where my God has not come through! No, it is not always in the time frame I think it should be in, but when I look back, His time is always far better than mine. Always. Which really helps to think back on when I'm in the middle of crying out to Him that it would be far better to give me what I want right now instead of making me wait;) 

Oh, how much I would have missed out on if He had given what I wanted when I wanted it. Or given what I wanted every single time. Not only is His timing far better than mine, but what He gives is often far better than what I thought I wanted. He's amazing like that if we're willing to wait on His best for us. Even what I loved most and thought I could never live without was taken and the taking has been the greatest gift, for it has done a deeper work of grace, love, joy, and humility than if I'd been allowed to keep it. 

Yet, there is pain. Always. I'm not sure where we get this idea that the Christian life should not have pain, should be wonderful all the time, with everyone holding hands and skipping through fields of wild flowers. Yeah, no, this has not quite been my experience, though I assure you there are brief times of skipping through fields;) On the whole, this is the hardest, most painful, most wonderfully beautiful kind of life. For pain, I'm learning, is a master teacher. It creates a grace in us for others, an agape love that is often lacking when we have not experienced loss. Never would I wish pain upon someone, however, now having been through some pretty intense times of pain, I can confidently say that, when I see a strong Christian begin to walk through such a time, I'm always excited to see how the Lord molds that person through their experience. 

Yet, it is a choice. He doesn't force us to let Him redeem the pain into something beautiful. He doesn't demand that we allow Him to use it to create something even greater in us. The choice is always there to cling to the pain we are walking thorough, becoming almost possessive of it until it has become a sore that is festering within our hearts, breeding anger, bitterness, and unforgivness like a disease, overtaking all we are. Yes, that choice is always there. But, I have to believe that if you have truly caught a glimpse of His face, if you have known the Son, the man who came to die for you, who is pursuing your heart relentlessly with each passing day, then this is not a choice. It's tempting at times to choose that path, because as crazy as it is, there are moments when we want to hurt, to cling to that which poisons our souls, because in the moment it is the easiest thing to do. Choosing to let Him come in and do a work in us often makes the pain intensify for a short period. Ah, but the balm with which He binds up our broken bones with is sweeter than anything else and far surpasses any pain felt. 

He's such a faithful God. I know my Father's heart aches when I ache, yet, my prayer is that in my own heart, I will ache when He does. That I will be filled with joy over that which makes Him joyful, that I will cry the tears that fall from His eyes, that I will laugh with the belly laughter of Heaven, that my heart will be utterly broken for that which breaks His heart and that it will move my hands and feet, which are His in this world, to action! I pray you feel this same desire as well. For we are a generation that is lacking. We are far less than the generation of our parents. And with this knowledge, with all that we lack, I believe that if we, if you and I truly gaze into His eyes, if we are set ablaze with a Holy fire, this world that is waning will. be changed. 

To lose sight of all we desire in this world and catch a glimpse of Heaven is enough to drive us into action. For we have wasted enough time on that which does not matter, on that which makes absolutely no difference. I am His hands and feet. You, you are His hands and feet. His voice flows from the mouths of those who are attuned to what He says like rivers of living water! What are we listening to, oh generation of mine? Whose voice do we take to heart? May it be the voice of the One who gives life unto the dying, who raises the dead, brings sight to the blind, makes the lame to walk and the blind to see. May it be the sweetest of voices that guides are lives, may it be His voice that calls unto the deep within us, sparking a fire within our souls that ignites passion, boldness, and a desire to give glory to His name in all we do. May it forever and always be this voice, this most beautiful, irresistible voice, that gives us the power to live as big as our God is. 

Let us lose our lives in order to gain them. Our lives aren't suppose to look "normal" but, they should look utterly different. They should be lived in such a way that the only explanation for them is one thing….Jesus. 

Yeah, this is what I'm thinking about as I sit here 30,000 feet in the air. There's a lot more than this, but for now, this seems to be the most prevalent thought in mind. There is an urgency within me to see my generation arise for the glory of His name. For time, like sand, is running through the hour glass of this world and though I long with every fiber of my being to see Jesus face to face, I know there are so many, so many, who need to not just hear about Jesus from our mouths, but see Him lived out through our lives. To see Christians that do not find their identity in Christianity, but in Jesus and Him alone. To see us loving the way He loves, for real. To see us doing that which He asks without hesitation. 

When this happens, this world will be turned upside down for the glory of a King who loves us far more than we can comprehend. 

ordinary moments.

There is a small, red, hardcover book that sits at my little english desk, or on my robin's egg blue bedside table, or on my grandmother's vintage trunk which I often write on, or in my purse, or generally in the vicinity of wherever I might be when the urge to write should happen upon me. Or when it doesn't. Yes, there are times when I simply do not want to write. Not because it's work, but because it's hard. There are times when the words flit just a little too far out of reach, when the idea is as mist rising from the sea, beautiful yet intangible. There are times when the ideas are so deep, to bring them to the surface is pain unimaginable. When thoughts remind me of all that was, left behind in a different life. Many different lives. Far different from the one I currently possess. And I have loved them all. I love the one I am currently in the midst of more than I can say. And I will love many, many more before my days are through, I'm sure. All this is what I would try or attempt to consider writing. All that I do not quite yet know how to put to words. But, that is the point. The writer's craft. To find the words for which there are none yet.

The little bright red book is a wonderful companion. When writing has become too hard. When I lack what it takes to muster the strength to say what I feel.

"Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer."

 -Barbara Kingsolver

"There are significant moments in everyone's day that can make literature. That's what you ought to write about.." 

-Raymond Carvar

This is what it holds between its covers. This is what I would write. Those little bits of ordinary, those moments that flit by and if unnoticed, are lost forever. This is what makes up our lives, the million little moments, the beautifully ordinary, the untold...I'm just one woman, living one life filled by many lives, but I would tell of this ordinary, wonderful, extraordinary life He has given. And it is extraordinary because, like a veil lifted, I am gazing with new eyes on all I see. For I would see with His eyes, I would look out and savor all that is here in this moment.

I'm not trying to be some amazing writer who would go down in history. I'm not looking to write some brilliant piece that would be remembered long after I'm gone. I just want you to know, I'm writing this for you, right now, in this moment. Here. Now. To remind you, when your days are hard, when the strength to keep going feels like it has fled, you may remember something you've read here...a struggle, a burden, a gift, His faithfulness, and that you will be pressed deeper into your King. That maybe, on those days, you will remember you are never alone, not because of something I've written reminding you of this, but because you know your God, that He is real, that He loves you more than you can imagine, and you will be compelled to dig deep into His Word, letting the roots of your soul grow to depths unknown in all He is.

This is what I desire. I'm not looking to try and write deep every single time I post, but no matter what I say, no matter what I do, I hope you are constantly reminded how crazy Jesus is about you. More than you'll ever know. I feel like we cannot possibly hear that enough, for even when we hear it daily, we tend to brush it aside. But, this is the one thing that should utterly astound us! He is pursuing us! He is pursuing you. You. As if you were the only person in this vast universe of ours. Yeah. Seriously. 

So, though there may be times that I simply write about life, about the ordinary, about the little tiny moments in this life of mine, I pray that you will see the extraordinary through the ordinary. For when you do, it will change your life. It will change all you see before you. Your God came to earth as the most ordinary of men, He had no beauty that anyone would even notice Him, yet, our Father used His Son as the most extraordinary of ordinary examples. I know, kinda mind blowing, huh? And it seems to me, in my life at least, that He works continually in this way, causing the smallest of things, the things I would easily miss at times, to speak to the core of my soul in ways huge amazing things may not speak. Oh, of course there have been some pretty astoundingly huge things He's used, but on a day in and day out basis, it tends to be those little things that draw my heart closer to His. He's amazing like that:)

"You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever." 

-Psalm 16:11

twitter...

Hey y'all!

A longer post will be coming at some point in this weekend, I promise. However, I was just wanted you to know the big news...I'm now officially on Twitter ;-) #caved...so, if you want to keep up with me and what's going on in my life in the everyday, please follow me here!

Hugs,
Jade

thoughts on a winter's day.

Sitting here, once again the snow swirls up and down beyond the glass windows. My mug is full of steaming coffee, surrounded by shelves full of colorful books begging to be read, and looking up, a beautiful little curly-headed girl stares back at me with the biggest blue eyes I've ever seen. I smile back, crinkling my nose and waving at her and she crinkles her nose and smiles from behind the soda can she's drinking from. Little girls with extra curly brown hair and bright blue eyes definitely do funny things to my heart...but, then again, if any child smiles and waves at me, my heart does funny things;)

This song is playing on repeat through my earphones and I'm watching all the people come and go, enjoying a very wintery Saturday in our little valley. People laugh and talk, enjoying huge vats of steaming coffee and coke from glass bottles. Maybe it has something to do with how much I love connecting with people, but watching those around me connect, enjoying each other, it warms my heart and I realize once again how important it is to spend time with those in our lives. We are the most connected and yet, disconnected society. Connected through social media like never before, connected through a text that pops up on our phone, connected through a message that blurps up on our computer screen, and none of this can compete with actually having that person sitting in front of us. There are so many people in my life whom I have friendships with through text alone and I would give up all those texts to actually have them sitting in front of me every so often. For the emotions with which we write out texts and messages and anything else that a screen conveys, are all lost in transit. I'm convinced even writing an old fashioned letter conveys more emotion and feeling than all these other modern ways to connect do. At least when we receive a letter, we know the sender had to sit down, take legitimate time out of their day and think about what they are writing. Shooting off a quick email or text doesn't take much thought.

I'm not bashing social media or texting, nor am I saying we shouldn't take advantage of it. I'm simply thinking about how important it is to not rely on these alone, but to connect. In real life. Goodness knows, I use all these things just as much as anyone else...maybe more since I also blog pretty often, but I'll tell you what, I'd still rather have you in front of me, telling me about what's on your heart over a cup of coffee, than to only ever text you. Just a thought:)

I currently have another little sprite of a girl, with short, bobbed hair sitting across from me. She caught my attention when I glanced up and she was peering back at me through an oversized magnifying glass. I couldn't help but laugh, looking back at her chocolate brown eyes that were large and bug like through the glass she held. She threw her head back, giggling and delighted that she'd finally caught my attention...I'm not quite sure how long she was sitting so still looking at me, but it was long enough for her to be tickled when I at last looked up at her. I love how kids are so happy to simply get a smile out of an adult. It's almost as if they go through their days simply waiting to make someone smile or laugh. Man, that's exactly how I want to live! I want to go throughout each and every day, simply looking for ways to make someone smile! Jesus knew exactly what He was talking about when He told us to be like little kiddos. Their simple joy and faith in whomever they love is absolutely breathtaking.

That's the kind of joy we're suppose to have in Him, right? What if we lived our days looking for ways to make Him smile, to make Him belly laugh? Because I am convinced that our God laughs bigger and has more joy than we can imagine! And I know He delights in us, looking for ways to make us smile, whether it's from a beautiful sunset or gently falling snow, the crash of the waves on a steal grey coast or through mountains that rise in all their majesty to the heavens...so, what if we in return, looked for ways to make Him smile back? I think it would transform our lives...no, I don't think, I know it would. It makes me think of this quote:

"Forgive me for being so ordinary while claiming to know so extraordinary a God."

-Jim Elliot

This is one of my favorite quotes. Ever. All of this, all the joy we're suppose to have, the way we live, what others see when they look at our lives, it's suppose to reflect Him and how extraordinary He is. The joy we have, it's suppose to be so great that others look at us and think, "What in the world is going on with her/him? That is not normal!" And we shouldn't be. We should never be normal. If you've met Jesus, if you have a relationship with Him, then, you definitely shouldn't be normal;) You should be so abnormal that the only explanation for you, for your faith, for your love, for your forgiveness, for your very life is simple, Jesus. Can you imagine how things would change around us if we were willing to live lives that were absolutely dependent on Him? To live in such a way that no matter what He asked, we didn't think twice, didn't try to explain the request away with logic (for rarely does He use our logic when He asks things of us...but, His logic is far greater than ours) but, simply moved in whatever direction He was leading for the glory of His name. I can't imagine a movement of His people that lived that way...but, I am desperate to live my own life this way, and longing to see His people rise up and live lives that give others no room for doubt in Him as well! So, though it is hard to imagine, I am absolutely confident that it can happen and praying that it will. That this generation of mine and all the generations that live around me, will catch fire and rise up for the One who gave it all for them.

I've been sitting here so long that I've now moved from coffee to Earl Grey tea. The snow outside has taken a reprieve from dancing down and this little bookstore/cafe has emptied somewhat. I think with each passing winter, I fall more and more in love with this place I live. Kinda funny, if you'd asked me less than a year ago if I could move back to South Carolina, would I, I wouldn't have even thought about it but simply said yes!! Absolutely! And it's true that, more than any other place, the Lowcountry of South Carolina holds my heart like none other...yet, these mountains, this valley, they've captured my heart and now, unlike before, I would be torn if the choice was put before me on where to live. So, like all changes that whisper of their coming, I'm trusting that He knows all He has planned for this life of mine, and will make clear the way while scripting the story.

It's beautiful, isn't it? How our God writes out our days, each swirl of the pen in His hand writing that which is far more beautiful than anything we can script. I have tried writing this life for myself. There was a short period not very long ago, when I was hurting and angry and determined to do things my own way and write the story for myself. Man, can I just say how grateful I am for His grace?! For it carried me through, though I didn't even know it, gently holding me through the pain, showing me how patient, how wonderful, how forgiving and full of love my God is. I would not recommend trying to script things for yourself, for the pain that eventually comes is intense. Yet, it's simply beautiful to me that, not matter what we've done, no matter the mistakes we've made, if we're willing to give our lives back to Him, He redeems all the time we, in our foolishness, have wasted. And even more beautiful, is how He uses the pain to bring us even closer to Him, to help us understand at an even greater depth the love of His heart.

Well, now I'm off to refill my mug for the third time;) Hoping that wherever you are today, you feel His love like never before and that you know, despite the pain in your life, despite all that is hard, He is greater still. For His love for you knows no bounds. You are His child, and He cherishes every moment He has with you. May you cherish Him like never before on this beautiful, winter day.

"I am not a theologian or scholar, but I am very aware of the fact that pain is necessary to all of us. In my own life, I think I can honestly say that out of the deepest pain has come the strongest conviction of the presence of God and the love of God." 

-Elisabeth Elliot

© Jade Valcarcel 2013. All rights reserved

a question.

I've been running up against this question often the past few months. Others look and wonder and question why...why do I choose to believe in the One who paints the sky with each evening sunset? They want evidence, tangible and immediate, but it would seem I can't conjure up some magical sign. Nor would I if I could. They ask how I can believe in a God who demands I follow Him, give up everything for Him, or face eternity without Him? It doesn't seem like a real choice, nor does it seem fair, they say. 

I wish I could convey what has happened in my life because of Him. I wish I could find the words to explain how, when you truly catch a glimpse of His face, when you gaze into His beautiful eyes for the first time, doubts of who He is and if He exists are suddenly meaningless and the fear you may have thought He uses to demand obedience is not that at all. What you see gazing back at you is the most unfathomable love. A love that surpasses all we can imagine or dream of, a love that defies death, that holds us close and cherishes us, a love that does not bind down with shackles, but sets us free while holding us into His heart. It is this love, this God, who has lit my heart on fire, who has made me more than I am...for without Him, I can assure you with every fiber of my being, I. Am. Nothing. He has set me free in Him, to be His child, to be who He has created me to be, to glorify His name...and I can testify that there is no greater joy on this earth than belonging to Him.

There are some things that words catch the mere shadows of. He is one of them. Books have been written, thoughts and opinions given, and you can read all of them until the end of the age...still, unless you truly seek out His heart for your own, all the words written will remain just that...words.

I was talking to someone very dear to me about this very thing a few weeks ago. This person expressed how much they feared what He would ask them to give up......they were afraid, to quote them, "That my life will look like yours! That I will give up everything for what? I don't want to be poor! I want to have nice things!! I can't understand why you have such joy when you have nothing! What has God ever done for you?! What has He ever given you?!" And my heart broke into pieces that felt like they would scatter across the wind. Dear God, am I doing such a poor job of showcasing who You are?! Yet, joy is seen where "nothing" is...where material goods are not possessed. And as I tried so gently to reply back, of course there is joy, for I have truly found that which I can never lose. My possessions will likely never be stored upon this earth, but what joy it is to store them where moth and rust may not touch them.  Now, don't get me wrong, compared to most of this world, I'm very rich in possessions. I have never gone hungry, I have clothes to wear, a beautiful place to live, a car to drive, and many, many other things. I am not rich nor am I likely to be, seeing how I feel called to ministry and this is not exactly a lucrative profession;) yet, I am happy beyond words, I am content, and there is joy to overflowing in Him. And I would rather spend the rest of my days with "nothing" here, rather than to lose sight of the One who has given me all I need. Oh, perhaps one day I will have more than I do now, though I'm perfectly satisfied with what I do have, but that's not really the point. The point is, poor or rich, possessing much or little, I want my joy to be in Him, not in what I possess.

The point is, I want those around me to understand that He is everything. When you have Him, when you have an active, daily relationship with your God, it will completely transform your life! It's absolutely impossible to seek Him with all your heart and not find Him. He longs to be found by you! And you will change, the desires you had before will shift, and I can attest to the fact that if you will simply let Him be the author of your days, He will script a story that has far more adventures and which will exceed anything you ever could have scripted for yourself. No, it will not be in your time, it will look nothing like what you thought it might, but it is absolutely worth every single step taken with Him.

How does one describe One who is utterly indescribable? Is there a word that means joy but is beyond incomprehensible joy? A word that encompasses the thunder of every waterfall, the dance of every brook, the laughter of every baby in the nestle of every daddy's arms? 

Is there a word that means passion? A word that gathers the roar of every lion, the blast of every volcano, the peal and crash of every wave that ever exploded against a seashore?
Is there a word that means intimacy and warmth? A word that bottles the softness of every sunshine, the promise of every rainbow, the twinkle of every star, the tiptoe of every doe and fawn between every forest's autumn leaves? 

Is there a word that means love? A word that means kindness? A word that means power, bigness humility, purity? 

I know of only one such word. It is the most awe-inspiring, breath-stealing, unequivocally magnificent word in this language or any other. Ironically it is a mere five letters, yet it carries a truth and meaning so big, so life-changing, so nation and eternity altering if only given the chance. 

It is the word of words. The single word that every human life right along with its every human hope and struggle is answered by and resolved in. It is the beginning, and it is the end. It is the fullness of life, the gateway to eternity, the hope of the ages. It is... 

Jesus

                                           -Bruce Marchiano  

© Jade Valcarcel 2013. All rights reserved

of this wonderful life and adventures to find breakfast.

On days like today, I absolutely adore winter. Tucked away with the snow falling down, a steaming vat of coffee/tea beside me, the whir of the wood stove humming out its cheerful song, the faint smell of wood smoke drifting in the air, journal nearby and my Bible open to Galatians, everything is homey and wonderful and I am simply content. Blessed. So very thankful for all He has given, for all He is working, for the knowledge that despite life being hard and bringing pain, still He works all things for our good if we seek His face.

It's beautiful, this thing called life. There are times, like the one I'm currently inhabiting, that I ache with how wonderful it is...and how much I love every, single, detail of this stunning, wonderful, terribly hard, worth every second of it, thing we call life. It's hard for me to imagine not wanting to grab on to every moment, savoring it all for the glory of His name. For He has gifted us with the breath we breathe, and what a gift it is. 

So easy to forget. So easy to get caught up in what is hard. So easy to complain about all that is going wrong. It's a waste of the breath He has given.

The snow dances down, harder now. The world is transforming itself into a winter wonderland, mesmerizing and lovely.

I have wasted much of my breaths, complaining of what I do not want to go through. The lesson is, the hard moments I'm thrust into, the pain that often follows, what I cringe at in the rough moments, all of this is like the rushing waters of the river I love to sit by. Picking me up like a stone, at times feeling jumbled and bruised, yet it is smoothing away the jagged edges of my soul. The hard lines are made smooth where they need to be, and yet, even within the smoothing, He teaches me where other lines need to be made strong. Whew. It can be exhausting...it's often exhausting...but, when I sit and think of all He has used the pain for, when I see so clearly how He redeems every moment if I'm willing to learn the lesson, it makes every hard, terrible, unbearable moment worth it all.

Still, the thought remains more than anything else, life is terribly hard and wonderfully beautiful. Those small moments that slip by us so easy, that don't have any great significance, these are the ones that often hold the greatest beauty. Simple, ordinary, lovely, in all their commonplace ways.

Perhaps it's because I feel the sand slipping through the hour glass. Time wanes and earth longs for the face of her Creator.  It really makes no difference whether time ends now or in fifty years or more...the point is, what am I doing with my life? I know how precious the time I have right now is. Loving those He has put in my life, telling a generation who do not truly know, of that love which has lit my heart on fire. Truly, spending time with and building relationships with those around us...this is what makes a difference.

I may not ever have success in the way it is defined by my society...honestly, I don't want that kind of success. Money and esteem are not on the list of things I'm running after. My life may look like it is being wasted by not achieving all that is expected of me. Yet, I would "waste" it doing exactly what my God asks, rather than to waste it on that which will not matter when time has truly run like sand through the hour glass. And what this looks like for me will look totally different for you. Perhaps He has called you to be a doctor or lawyer or something else completely. The point is not what you're doing, but that you're doing exactly what He has asked. No matter how grand or humble it may be.

The snow continues to come down like white cotton candy from thick, gray clouds. My thoughts are many, these are just a few. The hum of the wood stove is the background to my writing and reading and thinking.

Charlie and I went adventuring yesterday. Look at what I found on said adventures:

Gah! I know! Isn't it beautiful and a bit forlorn? I want to take him home....he looks like he needs to be loved:) I have an affinity for old VW vans. I. Love. Them. If I could drive anything and money wasn't a factor, I'd totally drive one of these....yeah, I pretty much don't care anything about new and nice cars. I'm still driving the same car I had my first year of college....yes, he's running just fine, thank you...well....sort of;)

On another note, here is pretty much the best breakfast place ever:

Argue with me all you'd like about how your breakfast place is better than mine. You're just going to have to go to breakfast with me here:) Well, this is actually three hours from where I live, but let me assure you, there are plenty of perfectly wonderful breakfast places in my little valley! And I'm absolutely in love with going to early morning breakfasts with friends....juuuust sayin....

BUT, look at what we had:

Oh my, it was quite wonderful! See?? Look how good I'm doing with taking pictures! I know, you're proud of me, aren't you? ;) 

And Charlie was super excited about it all:

Well, I'm off to read and write and thoroughly enjoy this beautiful day in which I'm living. I hope and pray that today, you will think of all the beautiful things He's given you. Think of what He's asking of your life and be assured, when we give up everything for Him, He gives it back ten fold. He loves you so much and is longing to have your life in order to give you the very best He can. Don't settle for what the enemy has lied to you about. Don't settle for a life that is what the world tells you it should be, run hard after your God and watch and see the Heavenly life He will give!

© Jade Valcarcel 2013. All rights reserved

changes.

Many things have changed in the past year and a half. And so, when I started this blog a few months ago, I defaulted to making it look the way my first blog did from a few years back...no, it was not the exact same, but similar. Sitting tucked away in this little valley, the air around me is overflowing with changes that are coming. I'm in that place where, I know just around the next corner everything will suddenly be different and life will be altered once again. It's like that, right? The only thing consistent is change...keeps things interesting, huh?

I've talked about being transparent before, but more than ever I'm feeling the need to be just that. To be who I am, wherever I am, with whomever I'm before at the time. So, seeing how this blog is simply an extension of me, I know it needs to change. Yes, I'm me in my writing, but the design and feel are less who I am now and more who I was then.

Please, dear reader, bear with me in the next few weeks. I may absolutely love a certain design one day and not be feeling it the next. Or, maybe what I have in this moment is exactly what I'll keep from here on out. I don't know. If you feel strongly about it, please let me know. If you absolutely detest something and would like to shoot me for having changed it, well, you're my reader and I value your opinion. So, feel free to leave me a comment on a post telling me just how you feel, or send me an email. For more than caring about having things exactly the way I want them, I do want to make this a place you can come and enjoy, escaping the world for a bit with a steaming mug of coffee or tea.

Also, I am going to desperately try and start using more of my own photography...which for now will consist strictly of iPhone pictures, seeing how I don't currently own the lovely Nikon I'd like ;-) That could be fun though, right?

Thank you so much for reading, thank you for stopping by my little corner and caring what I have to say. We serve a great and mighty God who is faithful to place in our lives exactly what we need when we need it. For me, it's you, because I know that what He lays on my heart is written to yours. Thank you for the beautiful comments, encouragement, and emails you've all sent. Truly, they mean more to me than you'll ever know. Keep gazing into His eyes! He's crazy about you :-)

© Jade Valcarcel 2013. All rights reserved

a painting.

(written to this and this.)

The page is blank before me. The cursor blinks.

Waiting.

What are you waiting for, oh familiar cursor? For my hands to type the rhythm your purpose craves? Longing to be used, longing to dance with my thoughts, turning thoughts into words that line the pages of an empty canvas, no longer blank. Like a brush in the hands of a painter, you and I together can create the painting that brings into focus that which the reader has only caught in the shadows. Light and dark, war and peace, love and hate, beauty and that which perhaps has not before been perceived as beautiful...all of this, the brilliant paint. An array of colors on a pallet in my mind, waiting, ever waiting for the cursor to bring to life all that they are with the rhythm of the dance, tapped out upon the black keys.

What would we paint then? What would our words create for those whose minds will be filled with the painting we have wrought? Come, tell me, what will our dance render in the dark of the night? What emotions will tint the colors painted across the empty canvas of those who wait and watch and read? Shall we leave them sad, swiping dusky blues and deep grays, showing them what weakness and longing feel like? Perhaps, you and I, we will talk of things that bring forth happiness, joy, bright yellows and purples, violet and indigo, green for contentment and silver for mystery. For surely, with each thought created, another stroke has been swept across a mind we do not know, writing words upon their hearts. 

So what will it be? 

Oceans, with shores of steel gray, haunted by the call of seagulls above. The wind blows across your face, kissing it with the salt of an ancient time gone by. Standing there, you are engulfed by the thought of how vast and wide and fathomless the voice of the waves are, crashing against the gray earth into which your toes dig deep. Slowly, walking in the shallows, you drag your feet against the creamy foam the tide has ferried in, wondering if the Little Mermaid did indeed become sea foam on the waves?  Would you have the courage to allow the man you love to love someone else?  Would you let him go, choosing death, choosing to become the milky bubbles on the top of all the waves from then into eternity? There, for a moment you feel the aching of a fictional heart who made such a choice. And for a few moments, staring out at the white capped waves in the distance, your heart is proud of the girl (who feels quite real to you) who chose to love without condition, without expectation of it being returned. A smile drifts across your face, imagining what others would think of your sympathy for a character in a story...and so, you begin once again to slowly walk down this silver shoreline, watching as the sky fades from brilliant orange, to the softest of pinks and lavenders, to a dusky blue and the deepest of navy. And a Voice on the wind whispers gently, calling deep, with a love unfathomable. 

:Scene Change:

The pines are giants, stretching their arms away from massive bodies. Slender aspens bend back and forth in the gentle breeze, ballerinas of the mountains on which they perform. The carpet of the mountain floor is made up of emerald and muted greens, their varying shades displayed by tall grass and stubby sage. The path is beat down before you. A gentle slope up, not too difficult, but not flat enough to be quite easy. A crystal clear creek gurgles and laughs, swirling and spinning past and around and through the rocks in its way. Some are large and the song sung by these luminous waters is louder here, protesting a bit at the great mass it must navigate. Laughingly, it encounters smaller stones beneath and in its midst, not minding to smooth their rough edges, singing of the One who created it for such a purpose as this, to smooth that which needs smoothing. You walk to the edge of this icy little creek, unable to resist its merry song, sucking in a breath as its frigid waters flow around your sandal clad feet. Standing in this water, melted from the snow that sits at the top of these mountains, you throw back your head, shading your eyes from the brilliant sunlight filtered through the tall pines and dancing aspens, staring into the deep cobalt of the sky above. And you are lost in the depths of the picture overhead. Cotton candy clouds, stark white, waltz slowly on their stage, covering the blinding sun if only for a few moments. Birds flit from here to there, landing in first this tree then that, swooping and diving across this blue canvass. And a Voice on the breeze whispers gently, calling deep, with a love unfathomable. 

:Scene Change:

A thick covering of branches and leaves seems to protect you from the outside world. The air is fat with the song of bluebirds, mockingbirds, and jays, singing to the glory of His name. You are lost in a sea of green. The sunlight itself is filtered through these thick green layers, making the very air render shades of hunter, emerald, sage, fern, and olive, shimmering and otherworldly, all displayed before your eyes. Walking slowly, leaves from newly born trees reach out, gently touching your arms and legs as you saunter by. The musty smell of fallen tree trunks and layers of dead leaves that carpet the forest floor beneath, rise up with each step taken. You are quite certain, if you stay hidden in this thick, hard wood forest long enough, you are sure to run into Mr. Tumnus, who most certainly will ask you to tea, where there will be toast with honey and toast with sardines...and cake (obviously)...and so, you walk even slower, just to be sure you don't miss each other. Thoughts of Aslan and all he represents, dance through your mind. And a Voice on the air whispers gently, calling deep, with a love unfathomable.

:Scene Change:

The night is deep. The darkness deeper still. Pulling and tugging, the war that rages all around you unseen would, in this moment, swallow you whole. Your soul cries out, screaming to be rescued, knowing it needs to be, but unseeing in the black depths that surround it. Lost within all that would decimate it, hope is but a mere shadow, and shadows are nonexistent in the dark, and so, it would seem it is nothing. There is no hope, for there is no light. And a voice whispers, terrifying and sinister in the deepness around your soul, telling of how the Light is but a dream, not real, not caring, and you. are. alone. You are his. Forever. 

Stop!

There...though there is no point of reference in this pit, black and fathomless...there....there, is something. For the black is not as deep, turning to a gray before your eyes. And suddenly, as the sun breaks forth over the mountains when it rises, there is Light! Burning and piercing, slicing through the deep dark, cutting through the lies and exposing them for what they are. And the Voice that whispered on the wind and breeze and very air around you, calls out loudly, calls deeper than the darkness ever could, and every fiber of your soul responds. For this is what you have been waiting for! This is the One whom your soul has longed for all your life, before you even knew it did, before you ever thought of being rescued, you longed to be fulfilled. Now, the darkness has vanished, the voice of the one who has lied to you all your days has been exposed, and here, now, in this moment, you stand before a gaze that pierces through every fiber of your being. Your head hangs low, you cannot seem to lift it, to even lift your eyes to what you know is waiting for you. For what you know you'll see looking back at you. Shame, guilt, loathing,  unworthy, all the words the enemy has whispered to your soul for far too long come flooding in like a dam broken. Head hanging you know you cannot bear to look into this gaze that will pierce you unto death.

"Beloved..."

Like a balm unto your soul, that gentle Voice wraps around your aching heart. 

"My child, my heart, look up..."

"Father, I cannot! I cannot. My head is too heavy, my heart too dark. Oh, Yeshua, I cannot for it is too much for me to bear!"

A hand cups your face, and gently, lifting your chin, the weight falls away with the help of the hand pierced. Summoning every bit of strength in you, slowly, your eyes open.....there, where you expected to truly find all that the lies had whispered in the dark night of your soul, all you see instead is a love unfathomable, gazing back at you from eyes more beautiful than any you've ever seen. 

The painting is finished. You are left, oh Reader, with just this....This is just the beginning. Your God loves you too much to leave you where you are. There is an endless frontier He would traverse with you, but you must not settle for staying where He found you. Take His hand, get up, and begin to walk out the journey He has set before you. Seek Him with your whole heart and the darkness will never again enter into your life. Oh no, it will not be easy, for there is a whole world unseen set against you. The path will be hard, there will be times when you believe you cannot go on, and yet, He is greater than all that. For the adventure is what makes life worth living. And the joy and fulfillment found in the journey with Him, this is worth the struggle of every step taken. So, live as big as your God is! Live in such a way that your life is forever altered and the only explanation for you is Jesus...

"Giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light. For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." 

-Colossians 1:12-14

"The Lord appeared to him from afar, saying, 'I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness." -Jeremiah 31:3

© Jade Valcarcel 2013. All rights reserved