I'm currently typing out a dance across these keys from 30,000 feet in the air. Soaring above the ground below, I'm leaving behind my beautiful mountains for a short time away in warmer weather. A bit worse for wear, I'm wondering why in the world I thought it was a good idea to book a flight out of an airport that is three hours from where I live, at 6:30am?! You know how, when you have an early morning flight and you're so worried about oversleeping, you wake up every half hour of the three and a half hours of sleep you're actually getting to frantically grab your phone, blinding yourself with the light that pops cheerily onto the screen, to see if you've overslept? Yeah. And to top it all off, can I just state that the two drops of coffee the airline so generously provides does not suffice! Eck. I feel like I've been stuffed into a washing machine on the spin cycle and hung out to dry. True Story ;)
However, despite the fact that I can't wait to simply arrive at my destination and that I'm being somewhat…ok, fine, a lot dramatic (hey, it feels totally justified in this moment)…I have to say, it is a beautiful morning and I am so amazingly blessed it astounds me :)
The lyrics of the song "Jesus, I Am Resting" float through my head phones (appropriate) and there is peace despite the fact I feel a bit fuzzy (haven't had enough coffee yet) and disjointed. I went to a concert at my church a couple months ago where Brandon Heath, Matt Wertz, and Steve Moakler did an amazing and intimate time of music and worship. I know Brandon and Matt's music well and I am a huge fan of both, but I'd never heard of Steve, let alone heard any of his music. Wow. He was incredible! And he sang a song about having "cadillac problems" meaning, what we think is a huge problem or what we tend to make a big deal, actually isn't. Most of the time the "problems" we have are blessings we can't even see. Like the fact that, though this morning wasn't exactly pleasant, I am sitting on an airplane, typing out a blog post on my MacBook Pro (no, I could not have even begun to afford this computer, yet I serve a really amazing God who provided it), going to spend time with dear friends, and generally, the fact that I didn't sleep well in my nice warm bed and that I'm tired because I haven't had enough coffee are not problems. At all. And every single time I'm tempted to complain about something like this, the lyrics from Steve's song come floating in and the Lord uses it as a gentle reminder that I am incredibly blessed beyond all reasoning. Though I don't think you'll ever read this Steve, here's a HUGE thank you for that song! Jesus is really using it in my life to remind me that I have so many blessings, even when the blessings (like a car that sometimes breaks down…a CAR….most of the world doesn't even own a car!) feel like they're a big pain. They're not. They're "cadillac problems" and I'm so thankful for them.
AND…here it comes, you knew I was going to make a plug somewhere;)…. all of my readers need to check out Steve Moakler's music!!! You will love this guy! Also, Matt Wertz is one of my all time favorite singer/song writers and if you don't know him, you MUST go right this minute and look his music up. Seriously, stop reading and go listen to him! Brandon, dude, your songs are like every other song on K-LOVE, so I don't really think you need any mention from me ;) However, just in case you're living under a rock, Brandon Heath is incredible! So yeah, definitely check his music out too if you haven't.
I'm currently flying over Minneapolis…the window painting a picture of a toy world below made of geometric shapes, miniature cars, houses, and trees. Snow covers everything, like powdered sugar on a sheet cake.
I haven't written enough lately. So many changes, so many prayers flowing what feels like every minute of every day to my Father above. Ever learning that waiting on Him is not doing nothing, but doing the one thing that molds my heart and soul into what He would have them be. Learning with every passing day that, no matter how things look, no matter if the situation looks like nothing's happening...especially when it looks like nothing's happening, that He is ever working in that which I cannot see…and trusting all I desire to Him is the most valuable lesson of all. For more than what I want, He knows what I need, and this is what I would have most. Not my own way, but His.
Choices are coming, decisions will have to be made, and my soul cries out, "Father, make them for me! The choice lies with you!" For my life is not my own, it is His to do with as He will. There is a beautiful comfort and certainty in knowing that He will choose and lay out the path before my feet…and yet, there is an uncertainty which the world screams about as loud as it can…what if? What if this time He doesn't come through? What if you are left alone, all desires taken and none fulfilled?
All I can do is smile. I have heard the doubts before, the same lies have been presented, and I feel as if the enemy is running out of material. Usually, it's the same material, the same lies, just packaged to neatly meet wherever we currently are, whatever we're struggling with. Still, they are lies and as far from the truth as we can possibly get! Not come through?! There has never been a single situation in my life where my God has not come through! No, it is not always in the time frame I think it should be in, but when I look back, His time is always far better than mine. Always. Which really helps to think back on when I'm in the middle of crying out to Him that it would be far better to give me what I want right now instead of making me wait;)
Oh, how much I would have missed out on if He had given what I wanted when I wanted it. Or given what I wanted every single time. Not only is His timing far better than mine, but what He gives is often far better than what I thought I wanted. He's amazing like that if we're willing to wait on His best for us. Even what I loved most and thought I could never live without was taken and the taking has been the greatest gift, for it has done a deeper work of grace, love, joy, and humility than if I'd been allowed to keep it.
Yet, there is pain. Always. I'm not sure where we get this idea that the Christian life should not have pain, should be wonderful all the time, with everyone holding hands and skipping through fields of wild flowers. Yeah, no, this has not quite been my experience, though I assure you there are brief times of skipping through fields;) On the whole, this is the hardest, most painful, most wonderfully beautiful kind of life. For pain, I'm learning, is a master teacher. It creates a grace in us for others, an agape love that is often lacking when we have not experienced loss. Never would I wish pain upon someone, however, now having been through some pretty intense times of pain, I can confidently say that, when I see a strong Christian begin to walk through such a time, I'm always excited to see how the Lord molds that person through their experience.
Yet, it is a choice. He doesn't force us to let Him redeem the pain into something beautiful. He doesn't demand that we allow Him to use it to create something even greater in us. The choice is always there to cling to the pain we are walking thorough, becoming almost possessive of it until it has become a sore that is festering within our hearts, breeding anger, bitterness, and unforgivness like a disease, overtaking all we are. Yes, that choice is always there. But, I have to believe that if you have truly caught a glimpse of His face, if you have known the Son, the man who came to die for you, who is pursuing your heart relentlessly with each passing day, then this is not a choice. It's tempting at times to choose that path, because as crazy as it is, there are moments when we want to hurt, to cling to that which poisons our souls, because in the moment it is the easiest thing to do. Choosing to let Him come in and do a work in us often makes the pain intensify for a short period. Ah, but the balm with which He binds up our broken bones with is sweeter than anything else and far surpasses any pain felt.
He's such a faithful God. I know my Father's heart aches when I ache, yet, my prayer is that in my own heart, I will ache when He does. That I will be filled with joy over that which makes Him joyful, that I will cry the tears that fall from His eyes, that I will laugh with the belly laughter of Heaven, that my heart will be utterly broken for that which breaks His heart and that it will move my hands and feet, which are His in this world, to action! I pray you feel this same desire as well. For we are a generation that is lacking. We are far less than the generation of our parents. And with this knowledge, with all that we lack, I believe that if we, if you and I truly gaze into His eyes, if we are set ablaze with a Holy fire, this world that is waning will. be changed.
To lose sight of all we desire in this world and catch a glimpse of Heaven is enough to drive us into action. For we have wasted enough time on that which does not matter, on that which makes absolutely no difference. I am His hands and feet. You, you are His hands and feet. His voice flows from the mouths of those who are attuned to what He says like rivers of living water! What are we listening to, oh generation of mine? Whose voice do we take to heart? May it be the voice of the One who gives life unto the dying, who raises the dead, brings sight to the blind, makes the lame to walk and the blind to see. May it be the sweetest of voices that guides are lives, may it be His voice that calls unto the deep within us, sparking a fire within our souls that ignites passion, boldness, and a desire to give glory to His name in all we do. May it forever and always be this voice, this most beautiful, irresistible voice, that gives us the power to live as big as our God is.
Let us lose our lives in order to gain them. Our lives aren't suppose to look "normal" but, they should look utterly different. They should be lived in such a way that the only explanation for them is one thing….Jesus.
Yeah, this is what I'm thinking about as I sit here 30,000 feet in the air. There's a lot more than this, but for now, this seems to be the most prevalent thought in mind. There is an urgency within me to see my generation arise for the glory of His name. For time, like sand, is running through the hour glass of this world and though I long with every fiber of my being to see Jesus face to face, I know there are so many, so many, who need to not just hear about Jesus from our mouths, but see Him lived out through our lives. To see Christians that do not find their identity in Christianity, but in Jesus and Him alone. To see us loving the way He loves, for real. To see us doing that which He asks without hesitation.
When this happens, this world will be turned upside down for the glory of a King who loves us far more than we can comprehend.
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