Just like that, everything can change. It takes one moment, one person, one song, one sunset, one sunrise, one kiss, one hug, one anything. It doesn't matter so much what it is or who it is that does it so much as the fact that, everything is different. I keep hearing that it's a choice. Loving. Maybe it is. Maybe some people get to look carefully, see "the one" and let it all happen naturally. Maybe that's how it goes. But, then there's another side to that coin. The side where, loving isn't a choice…it just is. Like breathing. Or walking. Or sleeping. It just happens and then there you are and here it is and this is life. This is the way it's written. Because, everyone's story is different. If there's one thing I'm truly learning in this life, it's that there is no formula. The way some people do it, the way they write about it, it's beautiful and wonderful, but it's theirs. That can be very confusing. To look at the way two people loved and start to make it the formula for the way you think your life should be. See, the thing is, there are absolutely things you should and should not do in this thing called love…but, using someone else's story for your own, I don't think that should be one of them.
Life is strange. Beautiful, but strange. Always changing and moving and never standing still, because it is a living thing. Full of stages and seasons, coming in and out like the tides of an ever changing sea. The tide happens every, single, day, but no tide is the same. The water is different, the sand is different, the shells along the shore are all different from the last. So goes life. One moment, minute, hour, day, week, month, year, none are the same. Forever moving, forever changing. We live this thing called life together, yet, none of our lives are the same. None of our loves are the same.
Sometimes you don't get to choose. Sometimes, in a moment, it just…happens. Just like that, everything changes. Fight it, but in the end, no matter what you do, no matter what it looks like, you can't help loving.
Life is strange. Beautiful, but strange. God is faithful. But, I can't pretend like I have it all figured out. I can't pretend to know more than I do. There are things I understand, things I can look back on and see very clearly why they happened. Then, there are things that I have no idea about. There are things that I question and scream at Him asking "why" about almost daily. There are things that hurt and there are things that are incredibly beautiful that have all danced out across the stage of my life, and on both sides, I don't always understand why. However, beyond the "why" is the knowing. I know that beyond all I feel, He is greater still. No, that doesn't negate the pain.
Here's what I'm learning. Slowly. The point is that we love. Not that we protect ourselves, building walls so thick and hard that we never allow ourselves to feel anything. I might hurt from loving and losing or not having it returned or for whatever reason it might be (because there are a bazillion reasons that loving hurts) but, when I calm down and breathe deep enough to think about it, the kicker is I wouldn't change any of it. At least not for my life. For my life, those that I have loved have been worth it. They are worth it. Always. And no, I don't believe we always get the "choice" of who we love, I think there are times it just happens, BUT I do get the choice of what I'm going to do with that love. Will I push it away, or will I use it for the other person's good? Will I do with love what should be done? Will I truly pick it up and use it to place that other person's best interests before my own? Will I not be offended or angry or hurt if it's not returned, but just simply love?
This is the choice I have. This is what's been placed before me. Sometimes love sucks and people suck, but that's not the point. The point is that I love. Love expecting nothing in return, yet hoping for all things. Because, it's beautiful and hard and terrible and wonderful and it can really, really, really, hurt …but….but, beyond all of this, people are always worth it. Friends, family, whomever it is, they are worth it. People are human, so no matter who it is, they'll hurt us and we'll hurt them too. This is all part of this things we call life. Still, it's all worth it.
It is my privilege to love. It is my privilege to choose how to love. No regrets. No expectations. It is my privilege, no matter the outcome.
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