just me and simple things.

(written to this.)

I cut my hair....seven inches to be exact. Do you know how, sometimes there's a need to just absolutely cut all ties (no pun intended) with who you were before? That one last thing that's still remaining from that person you used to be...and for me, it was my hair. So, after much back and forth, should I or shouldn't I, what if so and so doesn't like it (who cares!), I finally did. And for the first time in a very long time, I'm simply, me. This, is a wonderful feeling.

I allowed much time to go by, much time when I desperately tried to be someone I wasn't. I tried in vain to be who I was expected to be, never faltering, never letting the mask slip. It's an exhausting way to live. And it took my ever faithful God coming in, stripping me of all I thought I wanted, all I thought I was, until I stood there, bare before Him, so that He could begin to give back all I never even knew I'd lost in the first place. He's faithful like that. He's faithful to show when I've let what others think about me become more important than what He thinks, to show me when I'm not being transparent, to show when I've built an impenetrable wall around all that I am so as not to let anyone know who I might really be.....because, what if I disappoint them? What if I'm not what they expected? What if...what if......what if...... Yet, He is faithful, and I have been stripped bare in order to know that this is who He created me to be. Not someone else. He made "someone else" to be exactly that, not that I would try and imitate whatever that image may be. 

It's beautiful. You and I are so different and He has given you a beautiful, individual aspect of His character to reflect, while I'm reflecting another part of who He is. Because, He's an individual God. You fill a place in His heart that I never will, and I fill a place in His heart that you never will, and together, we all make up His entire heart in all its beauty. There are so many things I love about Him, but this I truly treasure. For I know what it is to lose who He's created me to be, and let me tell you, the lesson is hard and painful, but oh, so worth the re-learning. 

I had to run out of my office today, down to the little cafe to grab lunch. It's been snowing here the last few days, which equals happy people in Colorado, and the sun was shining in all its glory against all the stark white snow. Walking along, I couldn't help but smile and hold my face up to that glowing sun, because as imperfect as this life is, as hard as the surrender is, as intense as the lessons I'm learning in all their fullness are, it truly is a beautiful, wonderful, full to overflowing life! And seriously, I don't think that there's a single day that goes by that I don't think about how much I love being alive. All the simple things that make up this complicated thing we call life are astounding. I love them....all of them! Just for example, here are a few of the really simply things that made my day so wonderful:

Utterly Simple Things

-chocolate zucchini bread....that was like a brownie....

what do you mean I can't eat chocolate for breakfast?

-the beautiful little lady who must have been pushing 90

standing in front of the bank this morning, whose face

broke into the most dazzling smile when I walked by.

-too much coffee....I have a problem....yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

-a gorgeous irish wolf hound...I've got a thing for dogs the size

of small horses...

-Andes mints.....yes! I had them for breakfast too! Don't judge me...

-random texts with Jenn.

-texting with Jenn in general....

-listening to wonderful music.

-bright sun, bright snow, and cold air.

-did I say coffee already......?

-creamy carrot soup.

-a beautiful, big eyed (understatement) little girl

selling girl scout cookies....what do you mean

I can't eat the thin mints for breakfast?!

-knowing that Jesus loves me far more than I'll ever be able

to imagine, knowing that He has all things in His hands,

and because I'm His child, I have no reason to worry about

anything.....ever. Yeah, that one takes the cake....

What were some of your utterly simple , 

wonderfully plain things that He blessed

you with today? 

P.S. He LOVES you....just thought you should be reminded...keep gazing 
into His beautiful eyes :)

P.S.S. I want to live in the cabin below...

© Jade Valcarcel 2013. All rights reserved

The Story of Ian & Larissa

Their story has touched me more than I can express. When I look at Larissa, I absolutely see a woman walking out what it means to love as Christ does. And I would desire a marriage like she has far above a normal one, where Christ is not the center and rock it is built upon. Thank you, Ian and Larissa, for being such a beautiful example of a Godly marriage, though it is the hardest thing you will ever do. You are a shining example of our Savior.

"Marriage is not mainly about prospering economically; it is mainly about displaying the covenant-keeping love between Christ and His church. Knowing Christ is more important than making a living. Treasuring Christ is more important than bearing children...Either way, it is short. It may have many, bright days, or it may be covered with clouds. But if we set our face to make of marriage mainly what God designed it to be, no sorrows and no calamities can stand in our way. Every one of them will be, not an obstacle to success, but a way to succeed. The beauty of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and His church shines brightest when nothing but Christ can sustain it." 

-John Piper

Please visit Larissa's blog here.

storms conquered, a mother's wisdom, and adventures.

(song written to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hnyV8srdQU)

Um, did anyone ever tell me that surrender was this hard before? Because if they did, it definitely didn't sink in until now. Oh, that's right. I knew that...or at least, my head knew it, but this lesson...this lesson is heart knowledge. This hurts. Allowing Lazarus to die, well....not easy. Today is harder than yesterday, yet I am even more certain that He has a plan. And I'm even more determined to see it through. Completed. But....ouch.

You know that moment when, despite how much you talk about surrender, long to do it completely, and think you have, the wave crashes in and you realize how much further you still have to go? Yeah, that moment. So, what do you do? Fight the wave? Well, no....but, there are a whole storm of tears involved. And the emotions roll over and under and above, and for a while I'm caught up. Not breathing. Made of tears and salt and this deep well of simply feeling what the wave has brought. Oh, and I call my Mom, because when I'm in the midst of it, when the clouds in my soul have broken and the raindrops within flow out, hers is the only voice on this entire planet that I want to hear. Because sometimes, my Mom can speak directly into a situation with the wisdom of Heaven, and He can use her beautiful soul to help calm the storm.

Sobbing from my end of the phone, feeling as if my heart is breaking, so caught up that I'm just feeling it all, this is met by her speaking truth and light and life. Every ridiculous thing said in the emotion of this place is countered by the voice of my Father, spoken through the beautiful voice of the mother He in all His wisdom, gave to me. And the light she speaks breaks through the clouds that have crowded into my soul, and though the surrender is still hard and the pain is still deep, I remember with even more clarity just how much I desire the surrender, just how much I desire His will. Back once again at His feet, laying it all down, I am thankful for the wisdom He has given her to guide me right back to gazing into His eyes.

Life is beautiful. These moments are far more beautiful than they are ugly. I am so in love with the life He has given me. I wouldn't change one, single, solitary moment. For He is teaching and though I am slow at it at times, I am learning. I'm not perfect. I struggle through the storms, I wrestle beneath the clouds, I push through the deserts, and He. Is. Faithful.

Always.

Most of the time, I have absolutely no earthly idea what's about to happen next, but what a grand adventure it is with Him! As I'm learning, adventures are never, ever easy. That's what makes them so wonderful! You have to keep going, despite the hope lost, despite the way everything around you looks, despite how discouraging it can be, for the simple, beautiful fact, that this an adventure. And adventures are never had without a bit of trouble, which makes them all the more adventurous when holding His hand all the way through. For I have a beautiful certainty of how this adventure ends.....it's the middle part I have no idea about;) Honestly, there's no need to know, because He is leading through the middle, all the way to the beautiful ending.

So, tonight my head is filled of storms conquered, a mother's wisdom, and adventures to be had. I am more thankful for these three things than I can express. For they are being used by His hand to mold who I am becoming, though I have a great ways to go yet.

And I'm also thinking of the adventure He has you on in this moment. I have no idea what that looks like...but, as my mom said to me last night, "Thank Him! Thank Him for the way you're feeling, for the place you're in!" Because, as she knows so well, when we thank Him for the pain and the lessons being learned through it, power is taken from the enemy who tries to decimate us with it, and it's given back to the One who can transform all things for our good. He never said your adventure would be easy, but then, you wouldn't really want it to be, would you? Press into Him, thank Him for the Lazarus that must die, for all you must surrender, and know that He. Is. Faithful.

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

-Romans 8:28

© Jade Valcarcel 2013. All rights reserved

Lazarus and going deeper still.

(This post was written to "Interlude: The Last Hallelujah:, from the movie soundtrack "Second Chance"  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWeMCThKoRU)

"I must be a mermaid, I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living."

Loving this quote....simply captures the place I'm in right now. There is this deep well in my soul that absolutely nothing can fill, except my God. It's been interesting over the course of my life to see this well deepen into all that I am, and oh, how I've tried to fill it with other things. Which only makes the deepening go still deeper in an endless hopeless way. I've found, however, when I fill it with Him, when I push deeper into all He is, that well deepens into depths unknown with a joy and a hope of the glory to come. And the deep in Him I find, is exactly where I want to be.

Longing ever to go still deeper. Saddened for those I see who are settling for the shallows, the mere beginnings of all He would give. Wanting to tell, to shout at the top of my lungs from the highest mountain peek, "Go deeper, oh child of God! Do not accept that which is just the beginning, the mere shallow living of the Christian life! Dig deep, live big, live as big as your God is. Desire more and more and more until you are lost in the deep well of all He is!" This is what I would shout. What I would tell you. We are not living as big as our God is. His goodness, faithfulness, and love abound into the deepest depths of the star filled orb that stretches above us and beyond. How can we measure what He will do in our lives? We can't. So simply do not settle to live in the shallow end of all He would give you....seek out your God, go deep, live big, and watch and see what He will do. Be patient in the waiting, for it brings about an even greater glory in the end.

This week in my life has been filled with the story of Lazarus. Of how Jesus did not run to heal His friend when called, but instead, listened to the gentle whisper of His Father to wait, that an even greater work would be wrought in the lives that would witness the events unfolding before them. He willingly allowed and accepted the death of His friend, whom He dearly loved, because He knew of the glory that would come out of all hope being lost. He allowed Lazarus to die, so that hope was gone, and when given back again, those who witnessed what He did would believe. 

"So Jesus then said to them plainly, 'Lazarus is dead, and I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, so that you may believe..." 

-John 11:14,15

Surely, if Jesus had gone and healed Lazarus while he was sick, much belief would have occurred, people would have been amazed and glory given to God. However, Jesus allowed His Father to author events that would bring an even greater outcome to what happened. And it was not void of pain and sadness for Him. He loved Lazarus, Martha, and Mary dearly, and when He saw Mary and Martha's pain at the loss of their brother, He was deeply moved and wept for His friends. Yet, still He waited on His Father's timing. And those around who witnessed Lazarus RAISED from the DEAD were astounded at the glory that the Lord wrought.

And the question I hear Him whispering to my heart is, "Will you allow 'Lazarus' to die in your life, that I may bring about a greater work? Will you let go of that which you love most, will you hope only in Me, that my glory may shine forth when your hope is seemingly gone, and then given back to you by My hand? Will you allow Me to complete the work I have started that all those watching your life, will be brought to a deeper understanding of who I AM?"

And the pain is great and the tears are many and there are moments when I do not know if I can bear it. For my soul is weary....and yet, I have seen the work of my God in the land of the living and the deepest desire of my heart is that He would have the glory due His name through every single moment and detail of this life He has given me. 

There is an echo that resounds through my heart. Yes. Yes! I would let Lazarus die that He may work an even greater outcome. For the pain of the present moment does not compare with the glory to come for those who wait on the Lord. As He spoke to Mary:

"Did I not say to you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?" 

-John 11:40 

And she did. Lazarus died and all hope was given back to her. She believed and so saw the glory of her Savior.

"For from days of old they have not heard or perceived by ear, Nor has the eye seen a God besides You, Who acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him."

-Isaiah 64:4

Wait for Him, oh child of the living God, for if you do, you will see the glory of God and He will act on your behalf. For, He. Is. Faithful. Beyond all you can see in this moment, beyond all you can imagine, He will take your life and bring about a work from it that even you cannot imagine.

Seek Him. Always. Keep your eyes fixed upon His. This is what I would tell you in this moment if you were sitting across from me in this little coffee shop. For this is the key to all hope and peace and joy.

"Seek the Lord and His strength; Seek His face continually."

-Psalm 105:4 

 No, life will not be easy. It will not be void of pain. For as Beth Moore put so eloquently:

"Peace means the absence of fear and turmoil, not the absence of pain and grief."

Yet, what joy awaits you in the morning. What hope there is in the glory to come. That is the echo I hear on the wind, this overcast day in a little mountain town in Colorado. He is doing a work in His people, calling them forth, asking them to live a life that is worthy of Him, that is as big as He is. A life that boasts the majesty of the Living God, of El Elyon, that you may shine forth with His light into a world that is quickly waning.

And His light is more beautiful than the world can comprehend. This is what I would have you know, this is what I would urge you to seek, to press into Him, to dig deep into the Word of God that you may radiate all that He is, and have a heart knowledge of the God who loves you so much.

© Jade Valcarcel 2013. All rights reserved

of simple days and the Father's heart.

Today was....simple. Beautiful in all its simplicity. There isn't one moment that stands out above the rest...it just was. When I think about all the times in my life when this has not been the case, I appreciate days like these even more. It has not been the standard for most of the days He has gifted me with, and so, while days like this one exist, I'll gladly take the simplicity, the simple beauty that comes, for I know from experience, they do not last.

"I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple little pleasures, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string."

-L.M. Mongomery

Yes, this one slipped of the string of time, counting down one more day in this life. Thoughts of a cozy cabin, tucked away deep in the mountains, filled with the heady smells of cinnamon, cloves, and nutmeg, danced about before me. Hot chocolate was drunk. People crossed paths with mine, perhaps whom I will never cross paths with again, or maybe, those I hardly noticed will play a leading role in future acts that I have yet to play. For today, however, as far as I know I met no one who will change my life...but, isn't that the way of it? People come and people go and it is only on very rare occasions that you meet someone and...wham...your life, or who you are, is changed. Forever. This has only happened to me a few times, when it was that "oh my goodness this person has absolutely altered my entire world and I want to know every thing about them" kind of thing:) And now, I am officially going down a rabbit hole, but honestly, I hope it has or will happen to you, because it's one of the most incredible experiences ever. Even if all they do is come for a fleeting moment, change you, and leave, it's pretty amazing...as long as it's for the good. I am blessed to say that every time this has happened, though there might be some pain involved, it has always been for the good and I am so incredibly blessed by each person who has done this to my life.

Though this day was simple, there was a deepness that ran through it as well...thoughts, time spent talking to Jesus about so much. So much. I am constantly in awe of how much deeper He would take me in this relationship with Him. 

And so, there is so much I would say....would try and capture and put into words on the blank page before me. My heart is full...for the more time passes, the more the sand runs through the hour glass of my life, running as well through the hour glass belonging to this earth, I am reminded of how much He matters. Yeshua. That the only thing that matters, that will ever matter in this life I've placed in His hands, is what I've done for Him. How I've lived for Him. And when I think of what He's done for me, I wonder at how I can be so foolish as to buy into the lie that I must be successful according to my society's standards. I am not interested in what it would offer me. I've seen those around me sucked dry and left to stare at the barren waste land of a life spent on that which does not matter. I have seen them awake at the end of their lives to cry that all was vanity and if they could only do it over again, how much they would change. I am not interested. I would not come to the end of my days holding the dust of all I've spent my life on. 

No. Let it be full and spent to the utmost!

Oh, I would spend my life. I would have it poured out, used up for His glory, leaving me completely empty of all so that I may be filled by Him. I would have Him break my heart for what breaks His. I would have Him bring joy into my heart that is the overflow of the joy in His. I would have no treasure on this earth, but instead, store away treasure where moth and rust may not touch it. 

For He is coming.

One day I will stand before Him. One day I will physically gaze into His eyes. May they be eyes that I know well, having spent all my days staring into the deepest depths of all they have held and will hold for the fleeting age I spent on this earth...and for all the ages to come with Him. 

One day this will happen to you as well. You will stand before Him. Do not buy into the lie this world would eagerly feed you, whispering of all you should spend your life upon. Simply look unto your Father, for His heart longs for your gaze to be ever fixed on His, so that when the sand from the hour glass has been spent, your gaze, your life, will not falter, but you will know in whom your hope is placed. 

Yeshua. 

Oh, how He loves you, child of His heart. 

© Jade Valcarcel 2013. All rights reserved

what I would write.

(this is the link for the song the first part of this post was written to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvOoQ0Ff2nA)

The warmth of this little place sinks into my soul, quieting my thoughts. Many things are flying about in my head, but with the gentle music lilting through my headphones, the low rumble of people talking around me, coffee steaming from everyones mugs, children laughing, dishes clinking....the ordinary part of this day that we're all experiencing together, it makes everything in me stop and just...be.

A little tow-headed girl sits to my right, gently swinging her short legs back and forth, eating pumpkin bread and every so often, reaching for her mother's hot chocolate, sipping it through a straw. A young family walks in, a chubby, smiling little boy carried in his young father's arms smiles a toothless grin, catching my eye. He laughs and kicks his little bare feet, trying to hold my attention. It works. Coffee orders are called out, people look up every once in a while, breaking from their reading or computer screens, just to look around.

My music lilts through my headphones still, stilling my thoughts, keeping me in this moment.

I stand up, walking over to order a steaming mug of the coffee that has been enticing me for the last few minutes. A tiny little sprite of a girl stands in front of me, waiting for her big sister to order hot chocolate, while sipping her own. Leaning down, I quietly ask her if she recommends the hot chocolate or the coffee? Eyes wide, she gazes up at me, pondering if she should answer (I think my sparkly pink scarf is helping her decision) and finally, a sweet smile breaks across her little face. She lets out a quiet giggle, covering her mouth as she does, then very seriously, tells me she's not sure about the coffee because she's not old enough to drink it yet, but the hot chocolate is very yummy. I smile and thank her for letting me know. Beaming up at me, she then quickly walks back to her father and smiling, points back to me, relating what we were most seriously discussing. 

Walking back to my little two top table, I settle back in and continue to type, the music once again filling my head. 

Books surround me in colorful array, some boasting beautifully bold covers, while others possess more subdued, muted tones. Jane Eyre, The Care and Handling of Roses with Thorns, The Lords of Discipline, The River Swimmer, Thomas Jefferson, The Legend of Broken, and The White Forest, all closest to me, all lovely titles evoking thoughts of memories yet to be made, calling out to be read, to enter into the worlds they hold within and to become lost in all they are. To read their stories and know their words. To fall in love with those who live inside their pages.

Surely, though we may have more convenient ways to read, there is nothing more comforting than to hold a book in your hands. To hear the creak and crack of a new spine being opened, to smell the pages full of new ink yet to be broken in, to listen to the ballad the pages sing as they whisper and rustle their stories with each turn. And I am saddened by the thought that one day, my society could lose this experience, consumed by the convenient. I was meant for a different age, when to read was to be entertained. When holding a new book in your hands was heaven itself, when the waiting for it to arrive or to be published was agony that was worth the wait. Now, with the click of a button, any book I wish will whirl onto a screen that holds far less of an experience than its page turning counterpart. Authors are changing....no longer sweating blood with each pound on a type writer's keys, now the concern is quantity and not quality. I see them pour books forth like well oiled machines, and so they must, for if they do not, their names will be lost in the myriad of other authors who write more quickly, producing more than those who would write the quality their hearts desire. And I am saddened by the readers we have become, demanding that a writer's craft no longer be his or her art form, but simply something that mindlessly entertains us. What would Hemingway, Porter, Faulkner, Montgomery, Austen, Lewis, Tolkien, Twain, and countless other authors of years past, say to our demands on those who try to write for us today? I believe we would disappoint them with the readers we have become. Surely, they would not succumb to the demands of what we want, if they lived in our age. Yet, so it is with so many things in our present time. 

So, I sit here. Surrounded by the books of those who write simply for what it brings them, of those who wrote because it was their sweat and blood and tears, of those who truly write the way those who came before them did, holding out despite the demands placed upon them, and I wonder, what kind of writer would I be? Would I write of that which I do not truly know because of what it will bring me? Would I write of what I know, twisting it into as many books as I can, because quantity is more important than quality? Or, will I write of that which lives and breaths inside me, no matter what my readers think? Will I write of the struggles, of the daily moments that somehow become more beautiful than one can imagine, when breathed onto the page by a writer who has lived them? Will I form words that come from the Father's heart even if I am never published, my name never known, my writing forgotten amid the millions of others desiring the same thing?

Yes. 

(Song change:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYsG3LDN4BY)

Because, right now, in this very moment as you read these words, you, dear reader, deserve more than me just writing meaningless words across meaningless pages sent out into the void of something that will bring no good fruit. Or have no meaning. He deserves that I use what He's given me to bring glory to Him. To push you closer to the Father's heart. So, yes. This is what I will strive to do amid the most ordinary moments of my ordinary life that is made extraordinary by a God who is anything but ordinary. 

People have come and gone since I began the dance of my fingers across these keys. Some have stayed and continue to work or read or chat with friends over steaming mugs. The day outside is beginning to wane, the sun sinking into his place of slumber behind these towering mountains surrounding me. My coffee mug is long since emptied and still I sit, thinking about all that is my life in this moment. How beautiful and uncertain these moments are. In all their quiet uncertainty, I feel how certain He is of these moments He's gifted to me, held in the palm of His hand. This thought brings a stillness and a certainty to this soul of mine that He possess. How often I fail to simply trust, to simply remember who I belong to, and that nothing that happens to me catches Him by surprise. Oh, I'm surprised...a lot!! But, He never is and the beauty and safety found in this thought is overwhelming. 

And the warmth I've felt throughout these days of uncertainty floods my soul. For He has ravished my heart with one glance of His eyes and this is all I need to know. All I need to remember. I am His. He has drawn me unto His heart and no matter what else happens in this life He has given me, this is all I need. To gaze into His eyes, to let go of constantly looking at His hands wondering and worrying what I can do for Him, but simply, simply, to gaze into the beautiful eyes of the One who has stolen my heart away, this is all I am called to today. 

This is all you are called to today. Keep gazing into His eyes. Let the world fall away, let the worry that consumes, the wondering that distracts, the future that would overwhelm, let it all go and simply, simply, pursue His heart while never taking your gaze from His. 

"The Lord appeared to him from afar, saying, 'I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindess.'"  

 -Jeremiah 31:3

© Jade Valcarcel 2013. All rights reserved

faithful witness.

(this is the link for the song this post was written to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvOoQ0Ff2nA)

The man in the moon shone from an inky black canvass. He gazed upon the Sons of Adam and the Daughters of Eve, wondering at all he saw. Made faithful to watch all they had been about from the dawn of creation, steadfast he gazed on. Seeing. All. Every human that ever drew breath. What their days were filled with. Death? Life? Whatever they chose to be consumed by, he watched. Wondered. Not understanding the thoughts of the people he was set far above. Love, hate, tears, laughter, it was all there before him, played out on the grand stage they acted upon. Some danced, others sauntered, still more crawled about, barely moving, barely alive, yet still living in such a way that every other actor was fooled into thinking they were playing the part with ease. He watched.

Clouds gathered in. Gazing through the grey veil their coming brought, the man in his creamy sphere cried tears from the faithful heart that continued to bear witness. Seeing. All of it. The billions of tiny heart beats, beating for what they did not know, echoed up to the great heart that beat only for his Creator who had set him there. And he ached to tell them, all those little heart beats, that he knew the answer for all their tears and suffering and pain. He could tell them where true joy and peace and contentment came from. Gazing up, his eyes caught with the One who created him, who set him where he was for all his days. Gazing into His eyes, the man shed tears that fell through the grey mist of the crowding clouds, watching as they turned into rain which fell to kiss the cheeks of those below. Those who acted the part, played it all very well, and came to the end of their scene with treasures stored where moth and rust could do their work. He wanted, longed, ached to tell them, to reach down his moonbeam hands, cupping their faces each, holding them close, to tell them of the One who set him where he was. Who created him to watch, yet, how that Creator watched even more closely, loving the tiny heart beats individually, knowing the actors who crafted their life scenes without ever knowing how much He who created them longed to be a part of each and every scene of their lives.

This is what the man in the moon thought. Gazing. Seeing. All.

"It shall be established forever like the moon, And the witness in the sky is faithful. Selah." -Psalm 89:37

© Jade Valcarcel 2013. All rights reserved

days like today.

Today was hard. I'll be honest, today was one of those days where I wanted to get back into bed, pull the covers over my head, yell at God that I'm exhausted, and how much more would He ask of me, and just stay right there. In that mood. All day.

Reality check.

One cannot remain abed all day, fuming, and not wanting to talk to Him, thank you very much. Plus, I know He deserves everything He asks and much, much more.

:deep sigh:

Instead, that reality check demands that even though, when you decide to actually stay out of bed, you will deal with what seems to be everyone else's stuff, which of course makes you want to crawl back into bed all that much more, you simply can't. Also, the reality is that, even though life is hard and the enemy may hit harder on days like today than on other days, you really don't have an excuse...to use that as an excuse. So, you talk to Jesus....a lot. Certainly with more vehemence on days like today than on "normal days" because, you're mad. Not at Him, but He certainly bears the brunt of your temper tantrum. And so, you talk....forcefully....in a constant stream to the One who simply understands it all. Who lovingly takes the words flung, the frustration, the tears, all of it, and holds it close. Holds you close.

Because, He can handle it.

Better than anyone else, in case you didn't notice.

:sigh:

I love Him. For so many reasons. But, on days like today, I appreciate this wonderful man who died for my life, so that I could have the privilege to constantly talk to Him, even on days like today. Especially on days like today. Whew! Thank you Jesus!

And, I have no excuse to remain in this place. I know the One whose feet I'm to lay this at, allowing Him to take the emotions that would overwhelm me, turning them around for His glory. Doesn't make it easy, but it not being easy doesn't make it less true.

He. Is. Faithful. Especially on days like today. And though He gives me beautiful words to write, He also gives me honest ones....so, here's the honesty.

Life is hard and beautiful and terrible and wonderful and I am so thankful for it all. Even on days like today.

"The LORD your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy."   

-Zephaniah 3:17

P.S. This wasn't written to any music;) I'll make sure and post the link to the posts I write to music!

Ireland......

....I think I'm suppose to live there....tis all....

of music and what is on my heart.

Loving Rend Collective Experiment right now. Loving them. I'm the kind of writer that generally writes to music and usually, it will end up being one song on repeat over and over and over. Each and every post I've written on this blog (with exception of the last one) was written to one song piping through my headphones. Because of this, there are times when I try to write without any music, because as much as it inspires me, never do I want it to become a crutch to the writing itself. I should be able to write no matter what, music or not. However, the last few days, I've been putting it off....you see, I made a commitment to myself to post something every day this year on this blog, even if it's just a picture. I believe for now, this is the ministry the Lord has given me and I know He can use tons of things other than my writing to inspire you in your life....even if it is just a picture. But now that I'm telling you, I'm being held a bit more responsible. That's why when you comment, or when I just see that people are actually reading this, it's an encouragement to keep going, keep taking the words He's given and putting them down into thoughts that inspire you into a deeper relationship with Him, that remind you there is incredible beauty in the most simple of moments, and that reminds you to not just live, but to be alive. 

Life is never predictable. From where I was this time last year to where I am now, in my relationship with Him and in my literal every day life, I never would have been able to predict all that's happened. I certainly wasn't thinking at that point that the Lord would have answered so many prayers that were the cries of my heart in such a beautiful way. Then, there are new prayers, new cries, that developed within this last year as well...particularly the last six months, but what I'm learning with such pain and beauty, is that though I may have something in my life that I desire with all that's in me, He still knows me far better than I know myself, and if for now, His answer is no, He will be far bigger than anything I feel as well. He will teach me that my feelings do not rule me and if I think they are, to immediately take them to His feet and leave them there. And oh. wow. this is not easy. Especially when something is in front of me that I think I can't live without or that I can't imagine there being anything more wonderful than. Yet, if I'm His, despite how terribly hard it is to surrender, He faithfully fills me with His joy and assurance that if I surrender to Him, He will give me far more than I could ever imagine to the glory of His name. 

No, it probably won't look like what I had in mind, there will more than likely be some desires I have in  this moment that will have to shift and others that I've yet to discover that need to grow, stretch, and be known. It's like that you know. Desires we have, desires we don't, constantly changing, moving, growing, increasing where they need to and decreasing when necessary. Then, there have been times where what I thought was a desire for a particular something, was actually just the beginning of a desire that would grow beyond all I could see to encompass something so much bigger. Looking back, if I'm trusting and have walked my path with Him, it's beautiful to see where I've come from and trust that as long as I'm grasping His hand, gazing into His eyes, I don't need to know the path ahead. Just trust. 

And because there is a desire on my heart in this moment that He has asked me to trust Him with, these are the things on my heart. Wonderful, frightening, incredible place to be. Whew! Whatever that desire is on your heart this morning, know that He will be faithful to you as long as you seek Him. Because, He's crazy about you! His desire is to give you the best. Don't settle for less than what your God would give you, and I can say with perfect confidence, it will exceed anything you could ever dream up for yourself. Maybe it's a relationship, marriage, children, a job, a ministry, or a number of other things. Whatever it is, trust that He knows. He knows your heart, because He thought you up and created the heart that beats in your chest. He loves you far more than you'll ever be able to comprehend, so in this knowledge, with as hard as it is (and trust me, I completely understand how hard it is) surrender and trust Him. Take all you want and lay it at His feet. Then, watch your God pick each desire up and mold it into something beyond imagining. 

"You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand their are pleasures forever."   -Psalm 16:11

P.S. If any of you are interested in knowing what song I write each post to, leave me a comment and I'll post the link to each above each new post:-)

because they're both beautifully true...

On repeat...

grilled cheese, tomato soup, and....well.....

Sitting in a lovely little cafe with my beautiful little sister, surrounded by these rocky mountains, and thinking on how blessed I am. Cars slowly drive by the floor to ceiling picture windows, having taken on a lazy speed that only those who drive in these little mountain towns understand. She and I share a warm cup of creamy, tangy tomato soup and thickly cut grilled cheese sandwich, the yellow goo squeezing from the middle of the slices as we bite into our halves, laughing and talking back and forth. She works on her resume and between her many questions, I try and type a sentence here and there. Three older gentlemen walk through the doors, smiling at us and asking what we're working on. I slowly slip my....5th....6th?.....too many if I can't remember....cup of coffee, listening to the deep older voices behind me mingle with the slow jazz filling the air around us. It's like being hugged gently, held close by comfort and warmth and life. And in this moment, I savor the sweet simplicity that my God has allowed me, fully aware that life will not always be like this. Nor do I want it to be. But, in this moment, while I'm here, I breathe deeply of all that makes up all that is right now, and I am overwhelmed by the sweet thankfulness that floods my heart. 

I am blessed.

However, my life is not perfect. Even in this beautiful moment, there is much along the edges of the warmth that threaten to push in with overwhelming certainty that they are bigger than my faith. They would connive, trying to find a way to convince me, that He is not capable of handling all that they are. That they are far bigger than.....the Living God. I'm sorry......what?! And there are times that I actually believe this ridiculousness! Time after time after time, He has proven His faithfulness in my life. He has given far more than I could ever in this life deserve...yet still, I have over and over and over again, allowed the "much" to crowd in, opening my ears to what it would say. And like the darkness that comes thick and heavy with a storm, I am weighed down, blinded, as long as I listen to all that would scream into the dark of the storm that they are winning.

Wake up oh child and know! You are a child of the Living God!!!

I am His, bought with a price! There is no room in my life for the voices that scream in the storm, nor for the darkness they bring. He is my Father, my Beloved, and He is light itself. If I am His, then though the darkness may fight to enter in, I wield the sword He has put into my hands, and as long as I fight for the glory set before me, the darkness may not abide here. This life is not my own, it is His, and being His, may it burn with the brightness of the noon day sun for the glory of the One who is always before my eyes.

"I will lead the blind by a way they do now know, in paths they do not know I will guide them. I will make darkness into light before them and rugged places into plains. These are the things I will do, and I will not leave them undone."  

-Isaiah 42:16

Isn't this a beautiful verse? The Lord spoke this into my heart today, like a gentle whisper when much would try and push in. Though I may not see the path before me, it truly does not matter, because I am not required to know the path, only He who guides my steps. He has promised not to leave anything undone, because He is a God who specializes in completing in His children all He has begun as long as we are following where He leads. Whew! I don't know about you, but this brings comfort unlike any other.

I don't know what the "much" in your life is this night, but I know as sure as I have it in my own, you have it in yours as well. You and I, we are not living as big as our God is. We are content to remain in this place, where the darkness would crowd in. However, I do not want to remain here!! I want to stand up, to move, to live in such a way that there is no explanation for all that's happening in my life, but that He is moving in a mighty way. You and I need to live with a big confidence in the God who loves us so much that He died for us. Lets you and I, resolve to live, to be willing to put ourselves in situations where we are required to give everything in us for the glory of His name! Lets be bold in the words we speak to those around us, showcasing the great and mighty love of this God who has stolen our hearts! Lets laugh bigger, cry harder, love greater, and be all that He is to all He would save.

The night around me is beautiful. The warmth of this moment is comforting and I am ready to have it all changed. For this wonderful, terrible, gorgeous, overflowing, hard thing called life we're doing, it's something completely transformed in light of who we are living it with.

Praying that you press into His Word, have deep conversations with Him, and are transformed by the light of His face tonight, more than you ever have been before.


© Jade Valcarcel 2013. All rights reserved

"There is such a place as fairyland-but only children can find the way to it. And they do not know that it is fairyland until they have grown so old that they forget the way. One bitter day, when they seek it and cannot find it, they realize what they have lost; and that is the tragedy of life. On that day the gates of Eden are shut behind them and the age of gold is over. Henceforth they must dwell in the common light of common day. Only a few, who remain children at heart, can ever find that fair, lost path again; and blessed are they above mortals. They, and only they, can bring us tidings from that dear country where we once sojourned and from which we must evermore be exiles. The world calls them singers and poets and artists and story-tellers; but they are just people who have never forgotten the way to fairyland."

-L.M. Montgomery

once upon a time...

"Write about what really interests you, whether it is real things or imaginary things, and nothing else." 

-C.S. Lewis 

Once upon a time. Four words that hold the power to begin that which we know and that which we do not. Four words that can create more than one person could possibley imagine...whole worlds, brought to life. Living visions of the one who wields the words, painting for their reader all that they hold within their heart. Beguiling them to become lost, caught up, enveloped by their story, by all that they ache to say, by that which must be said. For to become lost in a story, reader, your author must write of that which fills their soul. That which makes up the fibers of who they are. Ah, but of what does the author you've chosen write of? Of what do they speak? Are they truly interested, living all their words convey to you? 

Once upon a time...there was a little girl whose childhood was spent alone. Yet, not quite alone. For her imagination, that which her Creator had put inside of her, He cultivated with such a beautiful hand that never was she alone. Worlds similar to Narnia, yet all her own, were dreamt of, brought to life by the imagination her God had given her from the first memories she held. Characters, friends, those who inhabited these colorful worlds taught her that to be lonely is truly not possible. Taught her to be a lady, and to treasure those in her reality outside of them. Oh, and there were grand adventures to be had every afternoon. The large leaves of a fig tree, hollowed out inside became a beautiful cottage deep in an enchanted wood.  Dragons, raging with living fire, fairies, flitting through the emerald forests of other worlds, knights brave and true, seeking to find and rescue that which their quest demanded, princesses not just in distress, but changing the world they inhabited through their goodness, their strength, their will to overcome all that life would throw at them filled her adventures to overflowing. Orphans found homes within the cottage walls, evil was kept at bay by the handsome prince, and there was peace in the land....well, with the exception of the dragons. 

This is what interests me. This is what I know. My childhood was filled with these characters, keeping a little girl who often played alone, company. Narnia was not just a place in a story book I liked, it was real. And now, having left behind the childhood I tried to hold onto as long as possible, I have found that one does not have to "lose" childhood. For it is always there, if I will simply remember the way into fairyland, back into Narnia, and go when called. If growing up is forgetting what we as children were interested in, then I am definitely not interested...I would keep that faith I had and be as a little child, simply believing that because I trusted in the handsome Prince, the dragon would be slain. 

This is the faith I would have in my Savior. For He promised He would slay the dragon, and He did. And so the war is won, though battles rage every day for my life. Yet, He has stood beside me, just like the Prince who defends his Princess in every good fairy tale. Except, this fairy tale is real. He is the Prince who gave His life that I might live, but unlike a mortal prince in a story, He defied even death that we could be together for all of eternity. Best fairy tale ever written, and you and I are living it...or can, if we choose to. 

This is what interests me. This is what I know. That I am forever His, because He is the most handsome, wonderful man that will ever fill my days. He is the author who dictates the words that come in all forms through the writers who allow Him to speak through them. And more than anything else, I would write what He would have me say. Nothing else. Only what He gives, what He has created in my soul to be told. He has put inside me many different things, words that are as colorful as jewel toned birds flying here and there. Often they fill my heart and head with beautiful worlds that the words would create, painting into being that which my childhood was full of. So, if a dragon, troll, fairy, Knight, Princess, Prince, or any other imagined creature from a world that is but a shadow of what we truly long for, can flame that fire of longing for Him, this is what I would write of. If that fire may be flamed by words that have nothing to do with any of this, then I would write only of whatever that may be as well. For the point is really not that I tell a wonderful story, but that you read the story and go away longing for more of Him. For more of the home awaiting you that the story is but a mere shadow of. Truly, I know that deep within your soul, there is an aching for more. 

"If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world."   -C.S. Lewis

We were created for so much more than we even know. This is the longing, the desire that you can't seem to fill: the need for Him. For you currently walk among shadowlands, oh, but the home for which your soul longs, it is just around the bend. 

And so let that which is imagined bring you closer to Him if it will. Let the realistic words of a more logical author be those that help press you deeper, but just simply be pressed. Find that which fans the flame, fill your days with His Word, go deep into the beauty of His character, and know your God. 

"For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son."   -Colossians 1:13

© Jade Valcarcel 2013. All rights reserved

and the stars gaze down.

Sitting here in the quiet of the night, everyone has gone to that place where their dreams are formed, created, spun. The house is quiet and still. Simple, beautiful, music swirls about and around, dancing with my thoughts and coloring my words. Words, notes, the lilt of the here and now. Stars shine down, laughing with light, whispering of all they know. Of what they've seen. Centuries gone by, moments known to no one else, seconds that changed the course of history, but of which there was and never will be written what they contained. Moments. Seconds. Sitting here in the quiet, in the inky darkness, I wonder at all the moments the stars have seen take wings and fly. Constant, unchanging, they watch. With their names given by the One who created them to be His silent witnesses, they gaze down upon humanity in all our tragic beauty. For they have watched us for all of our days. For all the days that ever dawned on this planet of ours. Surely, they must find themselves quite amused at times, watching all the joy and pain and laughter and tears, to find once again, some small little being who fancies themselves the center of the universe. And we all have...or certainly will at some point in our tiny little lives. I would imagine it is vastly entertaining to watch it played out, the same act over and over and over again. Same plot. Different actors. Still, though we act out the play, though we read of how it has been done over the centuries, we simply cannot seem to grasp what is of any importance.

Instead, we clench our fists around all that will turn to dust, caught up in the wind and swept out into the never ending darkness of a life ended. Ended. With nothing to show but the grains of sand we have become, now floating on the air. Oh, but we have read the story a thousand times. We have seen the play produced and brought to life through lives connected with our own, yet still, to comprehend would be to change the very essence of who we are, and so we choose to blissfully live in our ignorance. Ignorance is bliss, or so "they" say, until the veil is lifted and what is set before our eyes is understanding of all that was and is vanity.

Vanity is a funny thing. It never comes alone, but ushers in its greater master...pride. And to have pride, to find ourselves of great importance, a gift to those around us, it is to all of this that vanity willingly serves. Slowly, slowly, they feed off of each other until, though we may catch a glimpse of the vanity in our hearts, it is quickly squelched by our great pride, never wanting to admit that the life we're living does truly belong to vanity. Mastered and controlled by these two, we live in willing ignorance.

Until. Until all we thought was important in all our pride and vanity, suddenly is swept away. A light, bright and burning down into the pit dug by the current residence, shines forth like the noon day sun. And the place at the center of the universe we believed we owned, is indeed not ours nor will it ever be. We have been tricked! Tricked into believing the lie. Left standing with the dust of lives wasted, believing this life was all about us. Me . You.

It's not, you know. Oh, I suppose in some small measure it is about us. For someone else, it may be all about us. But for you and I, our lives are not about us. Your life, my life, it's about those around us. Those lives that have been lovingly placed by the One who arranges such things with perfect timing. The lives we have yet to even know of that are coming, as surely as the stars gazing down upon us, coming with an urgency into our own at some point in the future. Let us not miss how important these lives are. How valued, how treasured they should be to our own. For there is a reason others are brought to us. It is because, to them, you and I, we showcase a side of God's character that they will not see in any other. All because, though this life is not about us, we are used in a very special way in the lives around us. For the simple fact is that we are unique, created by a God who values individuality to show the world who He is. None of us look alike, talk alike, act alike, nor is our femininity or masculinity anything alike! Thank goodness! Why?? Because He created us different. Not one life will be just like another. Not one story ever told the same.

Like the notes of music that make up a song, like the strokes from the color of a painter's brush, each of us is different. Unique. Individual. You were not created to be someone else. You were created to be you. And let me tell you, there is absolutely no one else you should be emulating, but Jesus. He thought you up, He dreamed of your personality, of the colors you would send forth into this vast universe, all thought up and dreamed and created to bring glory to Him. All created to touch those lives in our own for the hope of glory set before us. Yet still, set before our eyes, before our lives, is a choice. Never will He force us to choose that which He would give. Never will He demand we let go of the dust we may hold, of the vanity we may harbor, of the pride that like a disease, may have entered our hearts. Instead He asks. Will we let them go? Would we be willing to cast out the vanity and pride, the notion that we are the center of it all, and instead, become living colors shining bright into a darkened and suffering world, for Him? He whispers the question. Speaks gently to our hearts, yearning that we would say yes. Yes, to the Painter, Whose every stroke across the canvass of our lives brings nothing but the greatest joy. His strokes do not bring ease, or comfort, or a painting like the world would paint for us. No. His strokes bring life to the giver, though in the end we may lose even that for the beauty of His name and the eternity promised us, and always these colors painted by Him bring life to the receiver.

"He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose."

                                                                       -Jim Elliot

With bated breath, the stars gaze down. For every once in a while, the script is rewritten, a beautiful and wonderful plot twist takes them by surprise! But, only if our answer is yes to the One who whispers, "Oh Beloved, let's be adventurers together." Never is a single brush stroke from the mighty Painter ever painted twice in His living masterpieces.

And when we answer yes, it is then our lives have the power to change the center of this universe for Him.

© Jade Valcarcel 2013. All rights reserved

somtimes...

...my own words are just not needed. And I can hardly handle the perfection that this video is. Love every single moment of this...

little brother.

An evening spent with one of the most wonderful boys in the entire world is a pretty awesome way to end the day. We braved the insane cold of this winter night on a quest for pasta and found it in our little town, homemade and steaming hot, tasting of zingy tomatoes, garlic, and sweet basil leaves. There was fresh bread dipped in olive oil as we talked about...everything. Life. The things that are so important to a thirteen year old boy. Sitting across the table from him, listening to how he got all A's and B's this semester, what his new school is like, his friends, t.v. shows being watched and video games being played, relationships from here to there, his side of difficult situations, I thought of how proud I am to be his sister. To have this amazing kid in my life is pretty incredible. He's just a regular boy his age, no amazing talents to brag about or some crazy IQ to rave of...but, he's mine. My little brother. And I think he's the most amazing, wonderful, interesting thirteen year old boy alive right now.

We laugh a lot, the two of us. We think and talk about things like, if you tape the fuel gage in a car, would it still move? We argue back and forth about Wolverine and if he can heal himself. I won. We try and decide which book I should read next....and I'm made to feel a little guilty because I haven't read the Hunger Games;-) And we talk about serious stuff too...about reading the Bible, about being balanced and how you can be a deep, serious Christian who loves the Lord with all their heart and still be filled with joy and have fun.

It's interesting to be so much older than him. To watch him grow and mature and tell me of how he'd like to be a surgeon one day. He moves his hands back and forth in the air when he's really intent on having me understand something, he concentrates, furrowing his brow, and right there, the face looking back at me is suddenly my mother's. Though he may not know it yet, she is imprinted on him in more ways than one. I'm proud of her, of the son she is raising. This handsome, red headed, funny, intelligent boy is so much like her....and yet he belongs completely to himself.

Sitting across the table from him, sharing a plate of spaghetti, laughing as we slurp up the the noodles and talk about all of this, I am content beyond words. This is what it's about. These moments that are so ordinary and easily forgotten, that fill my days and make them fat and overflowing with joy, these are what I treasure. I love that at thirteen years old, this brother of mine likes to be with me not doing much of anything. I smile and hold close the funny little things that make up this relationship we have...of racing to the car through the freezing Colorado air, somehow imagining the car will be warmer. Jumping inside, yelling and howling about why it's SO cold, rubbing our hands and complaining about how long the heat takes to actually warm up (quite a difficult thing to accomplish when it's 3 degrees outside) and trying to talk it into submission. Laughing and pretending to sing opera....because, this definitely helps one to warm up oh, so much faster! Yes, it's all of this...the stupid, silly little things we do together that I love. I treasure this time we have together, while life for him is still somewhat simple, though I know he doesn't feel like it is. One day he'll see that right now is not as complicated as it felt at the time. That math tests and trying to get to the next level in a video game were actually pretty uncomplicated. So, before being an adult has pushed its way into his life, I'm savoring the childhood that is slipping away from him, though even this he may not realize .

I am blessed. For so many reasons. But, this little brother of mine, he has blessed me from the moment he entered this world. He is one of the biggest blessings Jesus has seen fit to give me. And more than I can express, I am so grateful that He looked down upon me and decided this sweet boy should be my brother. Looking across the table, I pray that all of this, this time we spend together talking about the things that matter to him in this moment and of how Jesus is there through it all, I pray this makes a difference. I gaze into the chocolate brown eyes of this boy who is almost a man, and I just simply love him. And in this moment, I see the face of my God shining out through the chocolate eyes He created.

"To love another person is to see the face of God."

              -Victor Hugo 

© Jade Valcarcel 2013. All rights reserved

the crunching of snow.

I have a lot to say. An endless river of words that courses through me with no end in sight. I just don't always voice them. There is a lot I notice, moment after never ending moment, where I catch sight of what this is here and now and want to give it a voice...but, that doesn't always happen. Sometimes it's for lack of needing a keyboard to create the tapping rhythm that's always beating inside me. Other times it's because...well...my pen has run out;) Lots of reasons. Lots of moments gone with no voice.

I realized something today. I absolutely adore the sound of snow crunching under my boots. Not just that moment where you go "oh I like that" no, this was a hit you in the gut, become slightly obsessed, I think I like this more than I should, moment. Yeah. That moment. It was something so insignificant, so unnoticed by those walking past me...and yet, it had stopped me in my tracks. I have absolutely no idea why today of all days, the sound of crunching snow somehow evoked such intense feelings. It was consistent however, because tonight, standing in a cold that really should not be legal, staring up into the black canvas above me, sprinkled with crystal clear stars that shine only like this on nights that boast this frigid cold, it hit me again. And I rambled very slowly. Listening to the snow under my boots, lost in the great beauty surrounding me and bewildered by the fact that crunching snow, painfully cold air, stars made more clear by said cold, moonshine, and inky black mountains, all of this gave me a glimpse of His face, a side of His character I'd never noticed before. And as I write this and think back on standing under that sky, enveloped by this night that was so hauntingly beautiful in the contrasting deep black and silver light it cast, I long to ramble about with Him. To be still and simply be. To listen to His deep, gentle voice whisper of bringing the stars into being, of teaching the waves they should only hug the shore so far, of how He imagined the key of B flat, of mixing this and that until the color purple was brought forth, of being patient with the song birds as they learned to sing on key....this is what I longed for under this night sky.

It's beautiful, you know. Being stopped in the middle of a perfectly ordinary day, by one of the most simple sounds in the world, and to have such a simple, ordinary little thing evoke big and unordinary longings for the One who created the ordinary to do just that. It's in these moments of noticing, of realizing how faithful He is in the smallest of ways, that I truly understand just a little more that I am not alone. Ever. For if He can touch my soul with the sound of crunching snow, just think of what He could do with the crashing of a wave...Yet, perhaps it does not take the most grand of things. Perhaps the smallest and most insignificant of moments are created for Him to draw our hearts closer to His, with a love that uses the insignificant to create that which brings about things far too significant for us to grasp...

"The Lord appeared to him from afar, saying 'I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness." 

-Jeremiah 31:3

© Jade Valcarcel 2013. All rights reserved

know.

You'll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs, but people more than anything else. You will need other people and you will need to be that person to someone else, a living, breathing, screaming invitation to believe better things.

-Jamie Tworkowski 

A beautiful new year. There are no words for how overwhelmed I am at all the Lord has done in the year now finished. I have never experienced a year quite like it. There was absolutely more pain than I could have ever thought possible and then, there was a deep ocean of comfort and knowing and joy and love and I never knew any of these things before like I do now. It was a year of going deep and deeper still. There was lots of screaming, tears that fell like a never ending storm, laughter that went into that tear storm and balanced out what I thought could never stop, a joy I found constant despite the storms, and a constant whisper to simply gaze into the eyes of my God, to keep my gaze fixed and unwavering from His beautiful eyes no matter what else was happening. And the waves crashed and the storm screamed and I felt myself wrapped safe and tight in the arms of Jesus, held close as He took the brunt of what the enemy meant for my defeat.

In this moment, sitting in my little apartment, surrounded on all sides by the towering mountains He has surrounded me by, all I can do is smile. A joy like I've never known has welled inside the hole I thought would never be filled and I know. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt, as sure as I know the sun will rise tomorrow, that He is enough. He is all I need. I am Hi child, a child of the Living God, and I have seen His faithfulness in the land of the living like never before.

There is a longing growing with each passing day inside this heart of mine to know my God. To be a living example of what it is to have a personal and intimate relationship with the One who loves His children so much. I long to see His face before me, I long for the day the sky will roll back as a scroll. Yet, I absolutely adore being alive. Not just living, but being alive. And because of this deep love that I have for every moment I draw breath on this earth, I want to live in such a way that this love spills over and there is no explanation for me but Jesus. I want to love His children with the love He himself longs to rain down upon them, if they would let Him in.

So, as the words pour forth, as you read the lines He has given me to write, I pray with everything I have in me, that right now, you would know how much you are loved by Him. That you would never come here and feel judged or condemned, but that you would leave yearning to have whatever He is pouring out into my writing, in your own life. I don't know you, I don't know what's going on in your life or the pain that is overwhelming you or the hate, anger, grief, bitterness, longing, or misery that you may be drowning in. Perhaps an apathy has crept in like a disease and all you want is to feel  something...anything. Though I do not know the details, I do know what every single one of these words brings, and I know the freedom and joy of giving them, finally handing them over to Him. For He knows intimately of every single detail and pain you have in this moment. And you have already been set free from whatever may be binding you, all you have to do is reach out and take the hand He is holding.

And I know that you are loved. You are not alone, and though I may not know your face or your name I know the love of Jesus and so, you are loved by Him and through Him, loved by me also. For He is faithful to bring into the lives of His children all that we need in moments when hope seems lost.

© Jade Valcarcel 2013. All rights reserved