storms conquered, a mother's wisdom, and adventures.

(song written to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hnyV8srdQU)

Um, did anyone ever tell me that surrender was this hard before? Because if they did, it definitely didn't sink in until now. Oh, that's right. I knew that...or at least, my head knew it, but this lesson...this lesson is heart knowledge. This hurts. Allowing Lazarus to die, well....not easy. Today is harder than yesterday, yet I am even more certain that He has a plan. And I'm even more determined to see it through. Completed. But....ouch.

You know that moment when, despite how much you talk about surrender, long to do it completely, and think you have, the wave crashes in and you realize how much further you still have to go? Yeah, that moment. So, what do you do? Fight the wave? Well, no....but, there are a whole storm of tears involved. And the emotions roll over and under and above, and for a while I'm caught up. Not breathing. Made of tears and salt and this deep well of simply feeling what the wave has brought. Oh, and I call my Mom, because when I'm in the midst of it, when the clouds in my soul have broken and the raindrops within flow out, hers is the only voice on this entire planet that I want to hear. Because sometimes, my Mom can speak directly into a situation with the wisdom of Heaven, and He can use her beautiful soul to help calm the storm.

Sobbing from my end of the phone, feeling as if my heart is breaking, so caught up that I'm just feeling it all, this is met by her speaking truth and light and life. Every ridiculous thing said in the emotion of this place is countered by the voice of my Father, spoken through the beautiful voice of the mother He in all His wisdom, gave to me. And the light she speaks breaks through the clouds that have crowded into my soul, and though the surrender is still hard and the pain is still deep, I remember with even more clarity just how much I desire the surrender, just how much I desire His will. Back once again at His feet, laying it all down, I am thankful for the wisdom He has given her to guide me right back to gazing into His eyes.

Life is beautiful. These moments are far more beautiful than they are ugly. I am so in love with the life He has given me. I wouldn't change one, single, solitary moment. For He is teaching and though I am slow at it at times, I am learning. I'm not perfect. I struggle through the storms, I wrestle beneath the clouds, I push through the deserts, and He. Is. Faithful.

Always.

Most of the time, I have absolutely no earthly idea what's about to happen next, but what a grand adventure it is with Him! As I'm learning, adventures are never, ever easy. That's what makes them so wonderful! You have to keep going, despite the hope lost, despite the way everything around you looks, despite how discouraging it can be, for the simple, beautiful fact, that this an adventure. And adventures are never had without a bit of trouble, which makes them all the more adventurous when holding His hand all the way through. For I have a beautiful certainty of how this adventure ends.....it's the middle part I have no idea about;) Honestly, there's no need to know, because He is leading through the middle, all the way to the beautiful ending.

So, tonight my head is filled of storms conquered, a mother's wisdom, and adventures to be had. I am more thankful for these three things than I can express. For they are being used by His hand to mold who I am becoming, though I have a great ways to go yet.

And I'm also thinking of the adventure He has you on in this moment. I have no idea what that looks like...but, as my mom said to me last night, "Thank Him! Thank Him for the way you're feeling, for the place you're in!" Because, as she knows so well, when we thank Him for the pain and the lessons being learned through it, power is taken from the enemy who tries to decimate us with it, and it's given back to the One who can transform all things for our good. He never said your adventure would be easy, but then, you wouldn't really want it to be, would you? Press into Him, thank Him for the Lazarus that must die, for all you must surrender, and know that He. Is. Faithful.

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

-Romans 8:28

© Jade Valcarcel 2013. All rights reserved